Author Topic: Not only did you strike out while hitting on me - you hit a BINGO (long)  (Read 7413 times)

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Redneck Gravy

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I'm not sure there is an etiquette issue here, just thought I would share what I thought was a humorous experience for me...Thanksgiving Day in line at a buffet restaurant.

My DD, grandson and I are in line, an adult man & his parents get in line behind me and he immediately starts a conversation with me.  I am very big on being polite to strangers in line everywhere and I think it truly does expand my (not so great) social skills and it never hurts to be kind and friendly.  We discuss the weather, the drought, our ages, simple chitchat.   He is obviously hitting on me, which my DD asks about, I whispered,"I'm just trying to be polite". 

He asks where I'm from, I tell him I am a native of our city.  He says, "I'm from here too, but first thing I did was move to AnotherCity where they are more free thinking."  I ask how he liked that and he said he had to move back home to help take care of his parents.  I mention that I nursed my parents prior to their death many years ago.  He says, "I've already told them that when it is time I will be putting them in a facility."   :o 

He asks about my grandson's father and I say that he is very good at participating in his life even though they (he & my daughter) are not together anymore.  I offer the information that my DD's have not heard a word from their father in years - he basically abandoned both my girls after the divorce.  He says, "yes after my divorce I let my ex raise our kids, I don't know anything about raising kids."

He asks where I went to college and I say that I am actually finishing up my degree locally - at the age of 50.  He says, "why bother?"   

He says, "I don't believe in organized religion."  I say, "I am a devout Baptist, we attend XYZ Baptist Church.  Perhaps you would like to visit ABC Church (a local nondenominational church), I think you will find that churches are much more open minded and relaxed than when we were younger." He says that is not for him.   I respect this, church is not for everyone. 

He offers me a business card with his cell phone written on the back and asks if I have a card, I say "no, I don't."  He says well give me a call if you are interested and don't if you aren't. 

I said, "quite honestly I probably won't.  I work 60 hours a week and take classes as the local college plus run our household and play golf/tennis regularly, right now I just don't have time for a relationship."  He doesn't seem offended by this.   

It has now taken an hour to get to the actual buffet choosing portion.  We part ways and when I get home I throw his card away.  I didn't think he was rude, I didn't think I was either, I just don't think that we would have much in common from this conversation.   

My daughter said, he really struck out with you didn't he?  And I said it was more like a bingo.

Comments?

Petticoats

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An hour to get to the food? At first I was a little taken aback that you were having such a wide-ranging conversation with a guy you were just being polite to, but I guess if you're stuck next to each other for an hour, it makes sense to keep things pleasant.

I'm with you on the striking out--it's like he found the exact wrong thing to say in each instance if he wanted to get anywhere with you. :)

Sterling

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Wow I can't believe you told him so much about your life.  I am friendly with strangers but I would never tell anyone so much information.

93 93/93

LadyL

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I think I would have forfeited my place in line rather than deal with such a painful conversation! For me that's the stuff of panic attacks - feeling trapped/cornered by someone who is making me uncomfortable.

Surianne

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I think I would have forfeited my place in line rather than deal with such a painful conversation! For me that's the stuff of panic attacks - feeling trapped/cornered by someone who is making me uncomfortable.

Sounds like the OP was giving as good as she got -- I'd have left the line when she tried to convince me to join her church! 

Clearly, it wasn't a match for either of you, OP.  I don't think anything he said or the way he acted was rude.  I think it was quite reasonable of him to give you his number, since you spent a great deal of time talking to him and gave him quite a bit of personal information.  It's pretty normal to assume someone is interested in that case, I'd feel.

penelope2017

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Yeah, it doesn't sound like you guys were compatible in either direction, and I have to agree I'm surprised you entertained a stranger for as long as you did and provided him so much personal information - telling him about your daughter's relationship with her ex?

I don't see that he was rude either.

Frostblooded

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I'm not really seeing where he "struck out" at every sentence -- sometimes people cannot give their elders proper care at an older age and thus arrange a facility for them that can, it's a very kind thing to do instead of doing it haphazard. If he felt like he can't take care of kids, it probably was better that he gave them over to his ex.

The college comment was certainly very strange and definitely would have ruffled me, and I think the organized religion bit was dipping into the pot so to speak to test your views. Just turned out you weren't really all that compatible!

Addy

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Sounds like the OP was giving as good as she got -- I'd have left the line when she tried to convince me to join her church! 

Clearly, it wasn't a match for either of you, OP.  I don't think anything he said or the way he acted was rude.  I think it was quite reasonable of him to give you his number, since you spent a great deal of time talking to him and gave him quite a bit of personal information.  It's pretty normal to assume someone is interested in that case, I'd feel.

I don't think the bolded is fair, Surianne, as the OP mentioned a non-denominational church, not her own. It was also in response to the...erm...gentleman's  ::) comment about organized religion, so he brought up the subject first.

Also, I think if someone says they don't believe in organized religion, it kind of implies a belief in God, just not through an organized religion. In this case, I don't think an invitation to a particular church is out of line.

Also, she dropped the subject right away when he wasn't interested.

DuBois

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Yeah, it doesn't sound like you guys were compatible in either direction, and I have to agree I'm surprised you entertained a stranger for as long as you did and provided him so much personal information - telling him about your daughter's relationship with her ex?

I don't see that he was rude either.

To be fair, I don't think the OP was saying he was rude, just that the whole thing was a little odd. That said,  agree that the conversation was very personal. I would probably have tried to drop it sooner, and I certainly wouldn't have been comfortable either hearing or sharing all those details.

Surianne

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Sounds like the OP was giving as good as she got -- I'd have left the line when she tried to convince me to join her church! 

Clearly, it wasn't a match for either of you, OP.  I don't think anything he said or the way he acted was rude.  I think it was quite reasonable of him to give you his number, since you spent a great deal of time talking to him and gave him quite a bit of personal information.  It's pretty normal to assume someone is interested in that case, I'd feel.

I don't think the bolded is fair, Surianne, as the OP mentioned a non-denominational church, not her own. It was also in response to the...erm...gentleman's  ::) comment about organized religion, so he brought up the subject first.

Also, I think if someone says they don't believe in organized religion, it kind of implies a belief in God, just not through an organized religion. In this case, I don't think an invitation to a particular church is out of line.

Also, she dropped the subject right away when he wasn't interested.

Sorry I'm not quite getting it...what isn't fair about my post?  It was a simple statement of fact: I'd have left the line at that point. 

I don't see his comment about religion as any worse than the OP's request for him to visit her church.  Is that what you mean isn't fair?  I also think that asking someone to convert for you (or try a new religion) is a pretty big hint that you're interested, so again, I don't see why it was odd or rude or whatever for him to think she would welcome his phone number.

Reason

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Now, if the man happens to be a sociopath (not saying that he is, just that he could be) he can easily park outside of XYZ church, wait for the OP and follow her home.

I understand the impetus to practice social skills, but it pays to be a little more restrained with personal information until a reasonable relationship is established. Also, most people do not bring up religion or politics until at least the 2nd or third date, never mind in a line at the buffet with a complete stranger, but to each his own.

Redneck Gravy

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He says, "I don't believe in organized religion."  I say, "I am a devout Baptist, we attend XYZ Baptist Church.  Perhaps you would like to visit ABC Church (a local nondenominational church), I think you will find that churches are much more open minded and relaxed than when we were younger." He says that is not for him.   I respect this, church is not for everyone. 

Wow, here I am wondering how I asked him to join my church when I suggested VISITING a different one?

Surianne

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He says, "I don't believe in organized religion."  I say, "I am a devout Baptist, we attend XYZ Baptist Church.  Perhaps you would like to visit ABC Church (a local nondenominational church), I think you will find that churches are much more open minded and relaxed than when we were younger." He says that is not for him.   I respect this, church is not for everyone. 

Wow, here I am wondering how I asked him to join my church when I suggested VISITING a different one?

Is this directed at me?  I'm sorry if I misinterpreted.   I don't know a lot about church and the differences between visiting and joining.  No need to shout at me. 

Clearly I've upset some people here and to be honest I don't understand why, so I'm just going to offer a blanket apology.  Nothing I said was intended to be offensive in any way, and I am very sorry and to be honest, baffled.   

penelope2017

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He says, "I don't believe in organized religion."  I say, "I am a devout Baptist, we attend XYZ Baptist Church.  Perhaps you would like to visit ABC Church (a local nondenominational church), I think you will find that churches are much more open minded and relaxed than when we were younger." He says that is not for him.   I respect this, church is not for everyone. 

Wow, here I am wondering how I asked him to join my church when I suggested VISITING a different one?

I'm guessing Surianne is pointing out that the stranger said he didn't believe in organized religion, and your comment could be construed as trying to convince him to change his mind regardless of which church you were suggesting he attend.

Some might find that objectionable and an unwanted solicitation to attend any church. I don't have a problem with it, but just trying to say how it could be interpreted.

DuBois

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He says, "I don't believe in organized religion."  I say, "I am a devout Baptist, we attend XYZ Baptist Church.  Perhaps you would like to visit ABC Church (a local nondenominational church), I think you will find that churches are much more open minded and relaxed than when we were younger." He says that is not for him.   I respect this, church is not for everyone. 

Wow, here I am wondering how I asked him to join my church when I suggested VISITING a different one?

Is this directed at me?  I'm sorry if I misinterpreted.   I don't know a lot about church and the differences between visiting and joining.  No need to shout at me. 

Clearly I've upset some people here and to be honest I don't understand why, so I'm just going to offer a blanket apology.  Nothing I said was intended to be offensive in any way, and I am very sorry and to be honest, baffled.

I am baffled along with you, I interpreted the OP as her trying to get the man to come along to the church, as well.  I am a little confused as to OP's intent-I get that this story wasn't ragging on the man, exactly, but I'm not sure what purpose it did serve.