Author Topic: Not only did you strike out while hitting on me - you hit a BINGO (long)  (Read 7862 times)

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Surianne

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He says, "I don't believe in organized religion."  I say, "I am a devout Baptist, we attend XYZ Baptist Church.  Perhaps you would like to visit ABC Church (a local nondenominational church), I think you will find that churches are much more open minded and relaxed than when we were younger." He says that is not for him.   I respect this, church is not for everyone. 

Wow, here I am wondering how I asked him to join my church when I suggested VISITING a different one?

I'm guessing Surianne is pointing out that the stranger said he didn't believe in organized religion, and your comment could be construed as trying to convince him to change his mind regardless of which church you were suggesting he attend.

Some might find that objectionable and an unwanted solicitation to attend any church. I don't have a problem with it, but just trying to say how it could be interpreted.

Yes, that was what I meant!  Thanks Penelope, and sorry again for misinterpreting, OP (and everyone else!). 

Addy

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Sorry I'm not quite getting it...what isn't fair about my post?  It was a simple statement of fact: I'd have left the line at that point. 

I don't see his comment about religion as any worse than the OP's request for him to visit her church.  Is that what you mean isn't fair?  I also think that asking someone to convert for you (or try a new religion) is a pretty big hint that you're interested, so again, I don't see why it was odd or rude or whatever for him to think she would welcome his phone number.

Oops, sorry, Surianne, I guess I bolded too much! I meant to say that it wasn't fair to say that she tried to convince him to join her church.

Virg

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Lost in Translation wrote:

"I am a little confused as to OP's intent-I get that this story wasn't ragging on the man, exactly, but I'm not sure what purpose it did serve."

I agree that something did get lost in...ahem.  Sorry.  Anyway, it's not a bad example of how two people who turned out to be completely incompatible could still have a polite and civil conversation.  I suspect the original intent was to tell about encountering someone that hit all the low points in hitting on her as an amusing anecdote, but as I said above there's still some example to be taken from it so it's still germane to relationship etiquette.

Virg

DuBois

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Lost in Translation wrote:

"I am a little confused as to OP's intent-I get that this story wasn't ragging on the man, exactly, but I'm not sure what purpose it did serve."

I agree that something did get lost in...ahem.  Sorry.   Anyway, it's not a bad example of how two people who turned out to be completely incompatible could still have a polite and civil conversation.  I suspect the original intent was to tell about encountering someone that hit all the low points in hitting on her as an amusing anecdote, but as I said above there's still some example to be taken from it so it's still germane to relationship etiquette.

Virg

 ;D

Only me

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HI

LOL RNG - after reading your ordeal I don't think you were rude. But all I can think is that no matter how old we get, or guys get, they still try to use the stupiest lines at times.

Onlyme

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Why would you tell a total stranger so much about your life and your duaghter's personal business?  I would not be happy if my mother started telling all my personal business to a stranger.
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WillyNilly

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He says, "I don't believe in organized religion."  I say, "I am a devout Baptist, we attend XYZ Baptist Church.  Perhaps you would like to visit ABC Church (a local nondenominational church), I think you will find that churches are much more open minded and relaxed than when we were younger." He says that is not for him.   I respect this, church is not for everyone. 

Wow, here I am wondering how I asked him to join my church when I suggested VISITING a different one?

Just an FYI, to a non-religious, non church goer, there is little to no distinction between "joining" or "visiting"  a church.  Heck I only learned in my 30's that people actually officially "join" churches.  I honesty my whole life thought "joining a church" meant you went to church.  Just walked though the door and sat down; aka "visited it".  There you go, you walked in so therefore you joined the crowd to listen to the sermon, you joined the church, just like you 'join the audience' when you go to the movies or you 'join the crowd' when you board a train.

LadyL

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Why would you tell a total stranger so much about your life and your duaghter's personal business?  I would not be happy if my mother started telling all my personal business to a stranger.

I was going to say the same thing upon further contemplation - and it also occurred to me that if I were the granddaughter I'd be mortified to have my (lack of) relationship with my parent being discussed right in front of me.

Winterlight

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Think of it this way; you just saved yourself from a potential lousy date. ;)
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To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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Redneck Gravy

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HI

LOL RNG - after reading your ordeal I don't think you were rude. But all I can think is that no matter how old we get, or guys get, they still try to use the stupiest lines at times.

Onlyme

Well this wasn't my goal, but you are right on the money. LOL   

I just wanted to share what I thought was an odd, yet amusing encounter.  Thus far I've been accused of trying to convince someone to join my church and of sharing too much of my personal business.  I didn't know that mentioning the church my family attends, that my parents are deceased or that I am still finishing my college degree were such big secrets. 
 
As for my daughter, she was also part of this conversation referring to her s/o. I certainly wasn't discussing her business in front of her as if she wasn't there.   I'm sorry if I wasn't clear on that part.

I can see where a non-church goer might not understand the difference between joining and visiting a church.  I visited several churches before we joined this one and it became our church home.  That is why I suggested he visit a non-denominational church, still organized religion I guess, but less restrictive.  This particular church is also known for it's singles activities (which I thought might interest him, imagine that).   

I've always liked getting differing opinions on this board but this is a post I really didn't expect to get snarled at so much.  I truly did not know that someone would be so offended that if someone suggested a church to visit that they would get out of line rather than be near them, WOW! 

But I won't stop being polite to strangers I get trapped in line with, so he wasn't my type, it was still a pleasant conversation and even though it was odd it didn't hurt me any to be kind to a stranger or for him to be kind to me.  It certainly made the hour go faster !
   

LadyL

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HI

LOL RNG - after reading your ordeal I don't think you were rude. But all I can think is that no matter how old we get, or guys get, they still try to use the stupiest lines at times.

Onlyme

Well this wasn't my goal, but you are right on the money. LOL   

I just wanted to share what I thought was an odd, yet amusing encounter.  Thus far I've been accused of trying to convince someone to join my church and of sharing too much of my personal business.  I didn't know that mentioning the church my family attends, that my parents are deceased or that I am still finishing my college degree were such big secrets. 
 
As for my daughter, she was also part of this conversation referring to her s/o. I certainly wasn't discussing her business in front of her as if she wasn't there.   I'm sorry if I wasn't clear on that part.

I can see where a non-church goer might not understand the difference between joining and visiting a church.  I visited several churches before we joined this one and it became our church home.  That is why I suggested he visit a non-denominational church, still organized religion I guess, but less restrictive.  This particular church is also known for it's singles activities (which I thought might interest him, imagine that).   

I've always liked getting differing opinions on this board but this is a post I really didn't expect to get snarled at so much.  I truly did not know that someone would be so offended that if someone suggested a church to visit that they would get out of line rather than be near them, WOW! 

But I won't stop being polite to strangers I get trapped in line with, so he wasn't my type, it was still a pleasant conversation and even though it was odd it didn't hurt me any to be kind to a stranger or for him to be kind to me.  It certainly made the hour go faster !
 

I guess one way to read your post is "look at all the spectacular gaffes this guy made while trying to pick me up." He crossed several boundaries of polite small talk IMHO - what he said to you about going back to school was pretty offensive. I would not share any even quasi-personal info with a stranger who demonstrated such poor interpersonal skills. I wouldn't trust how they would interpret it or what they would do with it. I definitely would side step any conversation about religion with such a person and I wouldn't make any recommendations of a religious nature as I also consider that an extremely personal subject.

I guess without a specific question to direct our attention we are just commenting on what we might have done differently or how we might have felt in your shoes, your daughters' shoes, or his shoes. I hope it doesn't come across as "snarling" as in my case it was merely meant as discussion point.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2012, 04:21:23 PM by LadyL »

hobish

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Telling someone they should try church after they say they don’t believe in organized religion … it’s kind of like the old standard:
“I don’t like meat loaf.”
“Sure you do, you’ve just never had my meat loaf,” but on a grander scale.
But hey, at least you didn’t say it was sad  ;) :D
I don't see anyone accusing you of anything ... maybe i am missing the point here if you weren't expecting some commentary. It sounds kind of funny to me; you probably both walked away thinking "NOt for me."

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Iris

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I think it's a hilarious story  ;D

"This woman looks attrative and interesting, I might see if she's interested"
*successfully starts a conversation*
Then
"Religion" - STRIKE
"Attitudes to parenthood" - STRIKE
"Attitudes to caring for the elderly" - STRIKE
"Comment on place OP lives" - STRIKE
"OP's education" - STRIKE

What I can't believe is that at the end of it he STILL asked for your number  ;D. You must have wondered if he was at the same conversation you were.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

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Ms_Cellany

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Think of it this way; you just saved yourself from a potential lousy date. ;)

I dunno; sounds more like she HAD the lousy date.

I'm inclined to agree that the OP revealed an awful lot of very personal information about not only herself but others.
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Addy

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But the thing is, she didn't invite him to join her church, she mentioned another church.

To use the meatloaf analogy, it wouldn't be like saying you haven't tried my meatloaf, it would be more along the lines of "hey, I've heard that meatloaf made with worcestershire sauce is really tasty, have you ever tried  that?"

Oh, and it's just an analogy, it's not like I want everyone to know that my meatloaf recipe using worcestershire sauce is so great.  >:D