Author Topic: Not only did you strike out while hitting on me - you hit a BINGO (long)  (Read 6986 times)

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LadyL

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But the thing is, she didn't invite him to join her church, she mentioned another church.

To use the meatloaf analogy, it wouldn't be like saying you haven't tried my meatloaf, it would be more along the lines of "hey, I've heard that meatloaf made with worcestershire sauce is really tasty, have you ever tried  that?"

Oh, and it's just an analogy, it's not like I want everyone to know that my meatloaf recipe using worcestershire sauce is so great.  >:D

He said according to the OP that he "doesn't believe in organized religion" so it's more like suggesting that a vegetarian who doesn't believe in eating meat should try your meatloaf recipe. There's a big difference to me between "I don't belong to a church/haven't liked the churches I've gone to" (which is sort of open ended) and "I don't believe in organized religion" (pretty cut and dry).

Surianne

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HI

LOL RNG - after reading your ordeal I don't think you were rude. But all I can think is that no matter how old we get, or guys get, they still try to use the stupiest lines at times.

Onlyme

Well this wasn't my goal, but you are right on the money. LOL   

I just wanted to share what I thought was an odd, yet amusing encounter.  Thus far I've been accused of trying to convince someone to join my church and of sharing too much of my personal business. I didn't know that mentioning the church my family attends, that my parents are deceased or that I am still finishing my college degree were such big secrets. 
 
As for my daughter, she was also part of this conversation referring to her s/o. I certainly wasn't discussing her business in front of her as if she wasn't there.   I'm sorry if I wasn't clear on that part.

I can see where a non-church goer might not understand the difference between joining and visiting a church.  I visited several churches before we joined this one and it became our church home.  That is why I suggested he visit a non-denominational church, still organized religion I guess, but less restrictive.  This particular church is also known for it's singles activities (which I thought might interest him, imagine that).   

I've always liked getting differing opinions on this board but this is a post I really didn't expect to get snarled at so much.  I truly did not know that someone would be so offended that if someone suggested a church to visit that they would get out of line rather than be near them, WOW! 


But I won't stop being polite to strangers I get trapped in line with, so he wasn't my type, it was still a pleasant conversation and even though it was odd it didn't hurt me any to be kind to a stranger or for him to be kind to me.  It certainly made the hour go faster !
 

OP, if you'll look upthread you'll see I've already apologized for offending you about your church and I have admitted my own ignorance about joining vs. visiting.   I don't think continuing to attack me is necessary in the slightest.   

Addy

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Ok, I see your point, LadyL, but I see it a little differently. I get the impression (but maybe I'm wrong) that someone stating that they don't believe in organized religion means that they do believe in God, that they might be a spiritual person, but that they find individual churches don't fulfill their spiritual needs.

To go back to the meatloaf, for me it wouldn't be a vegetarian, it would be more like someone who just doesn't like meatloaf, though they like beef in general. But maybe I'm mistaken in how that idiom is used.

I see it all as an organic part of the conversation though, which he started by talking about religion in the first place.

The Ricker

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Ok, I see your point, LadyL, but I see it a little differently. I get the impression (but maybe I'm wrong) that someone stating that they don't believe in organized religion means that they do believe in God, that they might be a spiritual person, but that they find individual churches don't fulfill their spiritual needs.

To go back to the meatloaf, for me it wouldn't be a vegetarian, it would be more like someone who just doesn't like meatloaf, though they like beef in general. But maybe I'm mistaken in how that idiom is used.

I see it all as an organic part of the conversation though, which he started by talking about religion in the first place.

I agree with this interpretation.  Because so much personal information had been freely exchanged, Redneck Gravy  was on solid ground in making her suggestion; I sense that she is a very perceptive person whose aim was not to cause offense but to helpfully guide a person into something  that might be fulfilling for him.

hobish

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Ok, I see your point, LadyL, but I see it a little differently. I get the impression (but maybe I'm wrong) that someone stating that they don't believe in organized religion means that they do believe in God, that they might be a spiritual person, but that they find individual churches don't fulfill their spiritual needs.

To go back to the meatloaf, for me it wouldn't be a vegetarian, it would be more like someone who just doesn't like meatloaf, though they like beef in general. But maybe I'm mistaken in how that idiom is used.

I see it all as an organic part of the conversation though, which he started by talking about religion in the first place.

I agree with this interpretation.  Because so much personal information had been freely exchanged, Redneck Gravy  was on solid ground in making her suggestion; I sense that she is a very perceptive person whose aim was not to cause offense but to helpfully guide a person into something  that might be fulfilling for him.

Oh, definitely. The whole thing sounds really amusing overall, and really, if you're going to go around announcing your beliefs to people in the buffet line ya gets what ya gets :)

It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
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ilrag

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Ok, I see your point, LadyL, but I see it a little differently. I get the impression (but maybe I'm wrong) that someone stating that they don't believe in organized religion means that they do believe in God, that they might be a spiritual person, but that they find individual churches don't fulfill their spiritual needs.

To go back to the meatloaf, for me it wouldn't be a vegetarian, it would be more like someone who just doesn't like meatloaf, though they like beef in general. But maybe I'm mistaken in how that idiom is used.

I see it all as an organic part of the conversation though, which he started by talking about religion in the first place.

I come down on the other side of this.  If some one told you they didn't believe in organized sports would you tell them that while you played soccer they might enjoy ultimate frisbee? 

Addy

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ilrag, maybe that is my misunderstanding of the term "I don't believe in organized religion." To me the emphasis is on the qualifier "organized." So the person would have some interest in religion or God or spirituality.

Using your sports analogy, if someone told me they didn't believe in organized sports, but I thought they still enjoyed sports of some kind, I guess I could suggest something like a recreational league or a friendly game of tennis, or something.  ;D

Because that's more how I see the OP's suggestion. This guy doesn't like organized religion, but he might be interested in some kind of religion, so maybe she could suggest something she sees as less organized, such as the non-denominational church she suggested.

Ms Aspasia

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I think it's a hilarious story  ;D

"This woman looks attrative and interesting, I might see if she's interested"
*successfully starts a conversation*
Then
"Religion" - STRIKE
"Attitudes to parenthood" - STRIKE
"Attitudes to caring for the elderly" - STRIKE
"Comment on place OP lives" - STRIKE
"OP's education" - STRIKE

What I can't believe is that at the end of it he STILL asked for your number  ;D. You must have wondered if he was at the same conversation you were.
Same here.  :) 

Twik

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I think I would have forfeited my place in line rather than deal with such a painful conversation! For me that's the stuff of panic attacks - feeling trapped/cornered by someone who is making me uncomfortable.

Sounds like the OP was giving as good as she got -- I'd have left the line when she tried to convince me to join her church! 

Well, perhaps he should not have started by denigrating the OP's religious position. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
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UpdatedName

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Perhaps it would help to know of the type of church the OP mentioned? From what i know of unitarian chrches, they tend to be muvh more "let's hang out and have an open conersation about our different beliefs/lack thereof" than "let's hang out and praise God." Much more about the people than the deity, if that makes sense. So I personally don't think it's rude or off-base that the OP suggested it, in light of the fact that she didn't push the matter.

Though I do agree that you gave out more personal information than I'd personally consider safe or appropriate.

Twik

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Actually, if proselytizing would make an annoying and inept pick-up artist leave the line, it strikes me as a brilliant move!  ;D
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

kittytongue

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That conversation wasfull of win wasn't it? >:D

Too bad you got stuck in line with such an awkward conversation partner. I wonder if he was pulling your leg for part of it to get a rise out of you.

crella

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OP, I don't think anyone 'snarled'....

Many people don't like talking about religion...I myself find it intrusive, and yes, *if* a conversation along those lines continued, I would try to find a way out of it. I would be polite, but change the subject, and if unsuccessful, excuse myself. It doesn't sound as if it was a conversation about religion so much as a suggestion from you. I don't think you overdid it.

What does worry me (and others mentioned it out of concern) is the amount of personal information disclosed. He now knows that there isn't a man in the house, you are all out of the house a great deal, your ex isn't around, your DD is divorced, that goes beyond my normal caution levels with strangers, and it seems that several other people thought so as well. You of course, are free to disagree, but I do think (from what I have read) the the comments were out of concern, not in castigation...I wouldn't let anyone know my house is unoccupied 60 hours a week.

penelope2017

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OP, I don't think anyone 'snarled'....

Many people don't like talking about religion...I myself find it intrusive, and yes, *if* a conversation along those lines continued, I would try to find a way out of it. I would be polite, but change the subject, and if unsuccessful, excuse myself. It doesn't sound as if it was a conversation about religion so much as a suggestion from you. I don't think you overdid it.

What does worry me (and others mentioned it out of concern) is the amount of personal information disclosed. He now knows that there isn't a man in the house, you are all out of the house a great deal, your ex isn't around, your DD is divorced, that goes beyond my normal caution levels with strangers, and it seems that several other people thought so as well. You of course, are free to disagree, but I do think (from what I have read) the the comments were out of concern, not in castigation...I wouldn't let anyone know my house is unoccupied 60 hours a week.

Yes, that is what struck me about the conversation. Mentioning your parents are deceased, your church and that you are pursuing a degree, as you said, aren't big secrets. You went a bit further than that though.

I wouldn't share that type of information with some people I actually know, let alone some man who happened to be standing next to me in a buffet. Even if your daughter was there, I still don't see how sharing that her child's father wasn't around and/or his level of involvement in your grandchild's life is regular conversation fodder with a complete stranger.

I can see him posting this exact same thread to illustrate how you weren't compatible with him, is sort of what I'm saying.  I don't see how he "struck out" or hit bingo. You guys shared a whole bunch of personal info, likely with others waiting as well, that was utterly incompatible on a public buffet line.


workerbee

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OP are you from the south? (I'm making some assumptions based on your name, forgive me if I'm wrong!). I wonder if some of the differing opinions in this thread arise from regional differences about what constitutes 'personal information.'

I live in the south, and your conversation sounds pretty typical for two strangers striking up a conversation to pass the time. I've certainly engaged in similar conversations with strangers (thankfully, none were actually looking for my number!).  My mother, who was raised in the northeast US, would probably think that it got way too personal!

Anyway, FWIW, I thought it sounded like an amusing situation!  And I do think it was nice of you to tell him you probably wouldn't be calling....perfectly civil way to let him down easy.