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Author Topic: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests  (Read 9597 times)

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QueenofAllThings

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s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« on: January 04, 2012, 12:20:36 PM »
A slightly different spin on when/whether to wake your house guests.

My college-age children occasionally have friends visit (with forewarning, of course). We have a guest room. Usually these are young men that the King and I have not met previously, who are visiting one of the Princes, going into NYC, etc.

Personally, when I was that age, I always found it awkward to wake up in someone else's parents' home when the friend who invited me was still sleeping. Do I get up and wander around the house? Lie in bed until friend gets up? Is it OK to help myself in the kitchen? After all, it isn't friend's house - it's friend's parents' house. And they are strangers.

I tell my boys that it's good manners to make sure they are up before their guest. Do you agree? Or is it a non-event?

Note: If it matters, I'm talking about platonic friends/separate rooms - not scrabble partners.

NyaChan

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2012, 02:00:40 PM »
Man I always hated that awkward morning time when I visited people.  I tend to get up really early, because I hate waking up to find that everyone else has been up and about while I was lazing away, but the result often was that I was awake and no one else was.  If I have never been to that place before, I stay in my room until I know my friend is up.  If I have visited the friend before and know the parents enough to make independent conversation, I will get up and chat with them.  If they aren't awake either - I stay in my room. 

If people are visiting me, I try to figure things out the night before so that no one gets stuck on their own.  I'll try to make plans with a set time like "oh I was thinking we could go for brunch, maybe around 10 or so?"  and that way we both know to be ready by a certain time, or ask if they like sleeping in/get an early start on the day.

cicero

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2012, 02:53:57 AM »
if you are there when they arrive - just point things out for them and give them general instructions:
coffee is here, the coffee maker goes on at X o'clock. I put out disposable cups here, i put out some muffins here.

The King & I get up at Y o'clock. we'd appreciate if you could be quiet until we get up/ we sleep thru anything/ tv earphones are here/ upstairs is off limits until we get up.

A slightly different spin on when/whether to wake your house guests.

My college-age children occasionally have friends visit (with forewarning, of course). We have a guest room. Usually these are young men that the King and I have not met previously, who are visiting one of the Princes, going into NYC, etc.

Personally, when I was that age, I always found it awkward to wake up in someone else's parents' home when the friend who invited me was still sleeping. Do I get up and wander around the house? Lie in bed until friend gets up? Is it OK to help myself in the kitchen? After all, it isn't friend's house - it's friend's parents' house. And they are strangers.

I tell my boys that it's good manners to make sure they are up before their guest. Do you agree? Or is it a non-event?

Note: If it matters, I'm talking about platonic friends/separate rooms - not scrabble partners.

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QueenofAllThings

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2012, 06:27:56 AM »
Actually, Cicero, it's the opposite. I'm up at 6:00; the Prince and various guests generally get up between 11:00 and noon (college kids). My concern is this: if the Prince doesn't get up until noon, and his friend awakens at 9:00, is that rude of the Prince? I just think it's awkward for the guest to be lying awake for hours in what is (essentially) a stranger's house. I have no issue with the guest getting up, coming down for coffee, flipping on the TV, etc. I just think it's very awkward for the guest - since we've barely exchanged hellos.

saki

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2012, 06:44:06 AM »
I agree that it's awkward when you're staying somewhere - you don't want to get up too early and you don't want to get up too late..  I think, really, your host (in your case, I'd count this as your son even though it's your house) should give you some information to work with so that you have some idea of what to expect and can prepare appropriately.  If your son really likes to sleep in but has an early bird friend, I don't think he has to get up really early but I do think he should at least warn his friend so that his friend can bring some books to read in bed in the morning, etc.

lowspark

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2012, 12:50:08 PM »
Actually, Cicero, it's the opposite. I'm up at 6:00; the Prince and various guests generally get up between 11:00 and noon (college kids). My concern is this: if the Prince doesn't get up until noon, and his friend awakens at 9:00, is that rude of the Prince? I just think it's awkward for the guest to be lying awake for hours in what is (essentially) a stranger's house. I have no issue with the guest getting up, coming down for coffee, flipping on the TV, etc. I just think it's very awkward for the guest - since we've barely exchanged hellos.

Wow, that's a three hour difference. That's a long time for guest to be up and about while host snoozes. So what are the extenuating circumstances?

- Did they all stay up and party till 2 am so sleeping till noon is expected, but this one friend just got up early? In other words, was the understanding that the next day would begin at noon, or is prince just way oversleeping?
- Does friend have options such as his own transportation or ability to get up and get out, returning at noon, if he wants to? Or is he stuck at your house waiting for prince to arise?

And a question: do you realize that guest is awake and know that prince will be sleeping three more hours? Or does all this come out after prince gets up and guest says something about being awake since 9?

The reason I ask is that in your place, if I knew, I'd go ahead and let guest know to come down for coffee, help himself to the shower, flip on the TV, etc. And then I might get prince up and let him know his guest needed tending to, depending on the circumstances.
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NyaChan

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2012, 01:27:11 PM »
POD to what lowspark said - having been the person counting the stripes on the wallpaper in the morning, it would be nice if the parents (if they knew I was up and didn't mind me being around) would verbally indicate that it is ok for me to use the tv or get something to eat.  As for getting ready/showering, I just go ahead and do it.  I assume when someone invites me to stay the night that I can use their facilities within reason (i.e. take a shower/brush teeth) as long as I am not disturbing someone with say a hair dryer.

Surianne

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2012, 01:43:48 PM »
I tend to wake up way earlier than everyone when visiting people -- just don't sleep right.  I pack a book or computer so I can be unobtrusive in the morning.  I definitely appreciate it when my host takes the initiative the night before to show me where the breakfast food is, and any trickiness about the shower or other things I'd need in the morning.  If they don't mention anything, I usually say "I'm a bit of an early riser, I have a book so I'm happy to entertain myself, but do you have any preferences" so they can let me know what I'm "allowed" to eat/drink and when it's okay to shower.

Unless there's plans made, I don't think it's rude at all for one party to sleep late (host or guest).  Everyone runs on different cycles and even though I'm an early riser when I travel, I've never been of the mindset that sleeping in is slothful or wrong or lazy.

faithlessone

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2012, 02:20:40 PM »
This is one of the reasons that I always have a book in my bag. ;)

In my experience (being the teenager/college girl visiting my friends' parents' houses), I generally hang out in my room until I hear movement. If I've met the parents before, or they seem like friendly people, I'll get up, get ready (as quietly as I can) and go downstairs. There were a couple of friends I visited who had quite stand-offish parents, and on those occasions, I did actually go and wake my friend up at a 'reasonable' hour.

I think this is one of those things that works on a case-by-case basis, and in most cases, it should be your sons' responsibility to make sure that their friends know what to do in the morning/where the breakfast stuff is etc.

TootsNYC

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2012, 03:31:38 PM »
Yes, i think it's rude for your son to sleep that late when he has a guest.

And if I were his mother, I'd be waking him up, saying, "You have a guest; it's time to get up."

I'd also be coaching him through the concept of negotiating wake-up time when company is visiting.

Miss Misha

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #10 on: January 12, 2012, 03:46:37 PM »
Pod to Surianne and Faithlessone.  In fact, this was one of the big reasons for buying a Kindle - I'm always the first to awake and especially in the Winter months, it's dark so I can read without disturbing anyone or turning on a light.

I'm an early riser, but on the rare occasion when I have an early rising guest, I rouse myself as well and make morning beverages for both of us as well as giving them the "lay of the land" (showers, TV, DVD player) before bed.

jpcher

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2012, 04:39:24 PM »
I say that it's your son's worry to be the proper host.

That doesn't mean that he needs to be the first one up, it means that he should make his guests feel welcome enough so that if they are up earlier than him they know that it's okay to turn on the TV or find a cup of coffee . . . or, in your case, he should make sure the friends are comfortable by saying something like "My mom's always up early. She'd have a cup of coffee with you. She's cool that way." (That is only if you're amenable to that situation.)

I'm betting that most college students (at least the ones that I know :P) aren't itching to get up and don't mind in the least an extra hour or so just to relax.


On the other hand, is your comment "if the Prince doesn't get up until noon, and his friend awakens at 9:00" true? or hypothetical?

If true, I wouldn't have a problem waking up Prince and saying "Your guest is awake . . . time for you to get up and be a proper host."

Dindrane

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #12 on: January 14, 2012, 05:06:13 PM »
I think the majority of the responsibility falls to your son, but I also think it would be wise of you to help him figure out how to navigate it. :)

Personally, I'd be inclined to make sure I had a short conversation with the friend when they arrived (even if all it consisted of was talking about the logistics of the household), just so that I could hopefully decrease awkwardness as much as I was able.

But I'd also have a conversation with my son and let him know that he and his friend should work out when they plan on getting up the next morning, so that my son wasn't asleep for 3 hours after his friend woke up.  Or at least, so that my son could be sure the friend was not unhappy with waking up that much earlier.

From the standpoint of the guest, as long as I feel comfortable using the bathroom/shower whenever I happen to wake up, I'm fine to hang out in my room for a little while until my friend wakes up.  But leave me to my own devices for more than 30 minutes or an hour, and I'll start to feel a little uncomfortable or annoyed.  So I would say that your son doesn't necessarily need to be awake before his guest, but he should probably strive for waking up shortly after his guest does, unless they have reached a prior agreement that specifies some other course of action.


cicero

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2012, 03:17:04 AM »
Actually, Cicero, it's the opposite. I'm up at 6:00; the Prince and various guests generally get up between 11:00 and noon (college kids). My concern is this: if the Prince doesn't get up until noon, and his friend awakens at 9:00, is that rude of the Prince? I just think it's awkward for the guest to be lying awake for hours in what is (essentially) a stranger's house. I have no issue with the guest getting up, coming down for coffee, flipping on the TV, etc. I just think it's very awkward for the guest - since we've barely exchanged hellos.
ok then a combination of this and what others suggested. let the guests know that it's ok for them to wander around/ watch tv/make coffee or whatever they need, combined with the fact that your son needs to get up at an earlier time because *he* is the host

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Ceallach

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Re: s/o Waking Up HouseGuests
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2012, 06:05:01 PM »
I tend to wake up way earlier than everyone when visiting people -- just don't sleep right.  I pack a book or computer so I can be unobtrusive in the morning.  I definitely appreciate it when my host takes the initiative the night before to show me where the breakfast food is, and any trickiness about the shower or other things I'd need in the morning.  If they don't mention anything, I usually say "I'm a bit of an early riser, I have a book so I'm happy to entertain myself, but do you have any preferences" so they can let me know what I'm "allowed" to eat/drink and when it's okay to shower.

Unless there's plans made, I don't think it's rude at all for one party to sleep late (host or guest).  Everyone runs on different cycles and even though I'm an early riser when I travel, I've never been of the mindset that sleeping in is slothful or wrong or lazy.

I agree.   The host needs to ensure they know what they're "allowed" to touch - actually make a point of showing them where things are and what they can do.   

I don't think the host should force themselves out of bed early for the benefit of their guest.   But they should ensure the guest is going to be comfortable regardless.  It's about the consideration more than anything else.
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