Author Topic: My clothes are church appropriate!  (Read 70439 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Searcher

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 352
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #30 on: January 10, 2012, 11:37:21 AM »
Of all the responses I've seen, "How kind of you to take an interest" is the one that seems most appropriate to me. I'd follow that with a dose of bean dip. With strong eye contact and tone, it could put a stop to her intrusions. If it doesn't work the first time, repeat as needed. I would suggest not engaging her on this topic or attempting to defend yourself. If you show complete disinterest, she will find it less interesting to accost you.

I think this woman is more likely to view "How kind of you to take an interest" as validating her opinions and ratifying what she thinks is right to express them.  She needs something less subtle to get across that she needs to shut her mouth.

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3414
  • Aussie's Rule
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #31 on: January 10, 2012, 11:51:46 AM »
I wonder why she is fixated on the OP.? or does she do this to others as well.?


                          The Southern Cross Flag. Australia

Flora Louise

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3193
  • Nothing like champagne for a champagne occasion.
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #32 on: January 10, 2012, 11:52:34 AM »
. . .   Last, there's the issue of her approaching you during Communion. While her topic of conversation is unwelcome, the fact that she's interrupting your Communion meditation could be considered a bigger picture problem. You could address that with her rather than the topic of clothing as well.

Oh yes! This is the big issue for me. OP, I think you should say to her, "I'm taking communion," in a tone you would use for a child who is interrupting a solemn ceremony. It's absolutely unacceptable.
Just because you're disappointed in me doesn't mean I did anything wrong.

Firecat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2591
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #33 on: January 10, 2012, 01:08:26 PM »
I should add that this woman's behavior isn't connected to dementia or similar problems: I've known her many years, and she's always prized her bluntness. 

I have to say, dementia was my first thought here, but since you think it's not, I'd address the issue here.

"Mrs Blunt, I am trying very hard to be polite to you, but I need to remind you that you are not my mother, and it is not your business to criticize my dress. Please keep it to yourself."

I actually rather like this response. Except that I would eliminate the "Please," because this is in no way a request. Instead, I'd suggest changing the last sentence to: "Do not bring this up to me again."

lellah

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 193
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2012, 01:33:25 PM »
I wonder why she is fixated on the OP.? or does she do this to others as well.?

She does say occasionally rude things to other people, and church leadership handles those situations as they arise.  She, as you say, fixates on me for her clothing remarks.  We're very (very!) distantly related, so I think she has a sense that what I wear is a reflection on "our" family or on her personally. 

I really wish she were a person with whom confrontation was beneficial. Alas, she just has a notion that, as an elderly person, she's entitled to receive respect while giving none.   

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8270
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2012, 01:34:50 PM »
Alas, she just has a notion that, as an elderly person, she's entitled to receive respect while giving none.   

Perhaps it's time for you to disabuse her of that notion!   ;)

Hexteacher

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 254
  • The time has come to grow old disgracefully.
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2012, 03:56:25 PM »
She would definitely not like what I wear to church.  I'm a christian biker, so I usually show up to church in full black (slightly tatty) leathers, with a cut off (leather waistcoat) with a LARGE white cross on the back.   ;D

A previous poster said that it's what is in your heart that matters, and I feel this is entirely correct.  In this position my response would be "I'm here to worship", and leave it at that.   
« Last Edit: January 11, 2012, 04:29:28 PM by Hexteacher »
it's ALIVE!! IT'S ALIVE!!!! IT'S.......oh bugger it's coming right for me..." Baron Von Frankenstein.

audrey1962

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4322
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2012, 04:56:48 PM »
If that doesn't work, you might ask the pastor or elders for assistance.

It could be worth doing that anyway- her behaviour could easily put off potential new members of the congregation.

I, for one, would not attend a church if a member said that to me.

MrsJWine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8837
  • I have an excessive fondness for parentheses.
    • Wallydraigle
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2012, 05:15:28 PM »
I think you need to make her a (high-collared) t-shirt that says, "At least my bosoms are covered."


I have a blog.  I hate that word.


Utah

O'Dell

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4372
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2012, 05:47:22 PM »
If that doesn't work, you might ask the pastor or elders for assistance.

It could be worth doing that anyway- her behaviour could easily put off potential new members of the congregation.

I, for one, would not attend a church if a member said that to me.

Ditto. I also wouldn't attend a church where I heard someone say that to anyone...and in the sanctuary at that. I'd be wondering what about me would be nit-picked if I attended regularly. Another vote here for saying something to the pastor.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman

Firecat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2591
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2012, 06:30:56 PM »
I think you need to make her a (high-collared) t-shirt that says, "At least my bosoms are covered."

LOL! If I lived near the OP, I'd be tempted to show up in my Renaissance Festival outfit...(that is, LOTS of cleavage), point to the OP with her collar bones showing, and say "That's not an exposed bosom," and then point to myself and say, "THIS is an exposed bosom."

Lynnv

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2510
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2012, 06:37:18 PM »
She would definitely not like what I wear to church.  I'm a christian biker, so I usually show up to church in full black (slightly tatty) leathers, with a cut off (leather waistcoat) with a LARGE white cross on the back.   ;D

Same here.   ;D

Well-similar anyway (my jacket is textile rather than leather  and I always have the fashionable "hair by helmet" look going).
Lynn

"Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat."  Robert A. Heinlein

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11394
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2012, 06:48:54 PM »
I think in this case, it might be prudent to get the pastor involved. I think the lady is being terribly petty and judgemental, and as it is happening in the church, I feel the pastor may be able to handle this.

I agree - this sort of behaviour is not appropriate if the pastor wants a happy congregation. Her "bluntness" may be causing problems for other people as well.

At worst, you can then say, once, "the pastor has confirmed that I am dressed appropriately. If you have any further issues, discuss it with him".

I can guarantee you that would drive me away from a church in a heartbeat. I'm not real religious and not much of a churchgoer honestly but at least when I went to Mass on Christmas Eve, no one complained about my boho blouse and hippie broomstick skirt.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

diesel_darlin

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1086
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #43 on: January 10, 2012, 07:02:58 PM »
She would definitely not like what I wear to church.  I'm a christian biker, so I usually show up to church in full black (slightly tatty) leathers, with a cut off (leather waistcoat) with a LARGE white cross on the back.   ;D

Same here.   ;D

Well-similar anyway (my jacket is textile rather than leather  and I always have the fashionable "hair by helmet" look going).


Y'all can come sit by me  ;D ;D Some of my best friends are Christian Bikers. Curtis has a beard that goes almost down to his bellybutton. He looks scary, but has a heart of gold.

Goodness

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 36
Re: My clothes are church appropriate!
« Reply #44 on: January 10, 2012, 08:15:05 PM »
Raised eyebrows and a shocked-sounding "I beg your pardon?" works well with older ladies. And the old harridan needs to know that 'bosom' refers to the entire brassiere-clad part of a woman's chest; each woman only has one. Collar bones are not part of it. And they haven't been considered indecent, even in church, since about 1910.