My clothes are church appropriate!

[Winterlight]

If that doesn't work, you might ask the pastor or elders for assistance.

It could be worth doing that anyway- her behaviour could easily put off potential new members of the congregation.

I, for one, would not attend a church if a member said that to me.

I would also be very uncomfortable if I was approached in this fashion.

[Elfmama]

I think you need to make her a (high-collared) t-shirt that says, "At least my bosoms are covered."

LOL! If I lived near the OP, I'd be tempted to show up in my Renaissance Festival outfit...(that is, LOTS of cleavage), point to the OP with her collar bones showing, and say "That's not an exposed bosom," and then point to myself and say, "THIS is an exposed bosom."

Yes!  There are several Rennies and SCAdians here -- we could ALL show up in full Tudor/Elizabethan/Italian Ren garb.  Bonus points if we make the responses at Mass in Latin.

Failing that, I think you do need to approach the pastor, especially since she interrupted you during communion!  When I still accompanied DH to Mass, there were lots of people there in jeans and other casual, comfortable clothes.

[Miriam]

I had a friend who was once confronted and yelled at in the ladies room because part of her back showed when she reached over to retrieve her purse. Woman yelled for seven minutes about how the small of her back is tempting her husband and she should be ashamed for wearing such garb to church, all the while other women in the bathroom minding their own business. Friend decided she was in the wrong because the other woman must have marital issues and she shouldn't have worn a shirt that lifts when she reaches over. I told her to never invite me to such a hell of a church.

[Sirius]

I think this person deserves being told, politely, "If you don't stop commenting on my clothing, I'll have a word with the pastor." 

[aiki]

I think you need to make her a (high-collared) t-shirt that says, "At least my bosoms are covered."

I'm envisioning one that has something like this on the, ahem, chest area

MY BOSOMS
are covered

[diesel_darlin]

I think you need to make her a (high-collared) t-shirt that says, "At least my bosoms are covered."

I'm envisioning one that has something like this on the, ahem, chest area

MY BOSOMS
are covered

 

[Ceallach]

My mother is big on dressing a certain way for church - we even had special "church clothes" growing up.  The traditional Sunday Best!  She used to be horrified at the outfits people wore, particularly the teenagers with slogans, midriff, bikie clothes etc.  (The girls in our family weren't allowed to wear nice trousers to church even - long skirts and stockings only!)

Then a priest explained to her that he'd rather people came to church even if they only had rags to wear, than not come at all.      She still dresses up for church, but she's not judgmental about what other people wear anymore. Sure, usually it's just their personal preference, but it may also be what they have clean, or what they have. And God probably doesn't care what they're wearing.  That always reminds me of that scene in Sister Act actually, where the priest is excited that the street youth came to church!

[violinp]

My mother is big on dressing a certain way for church - we even had special "church clothes" growing up.  The traditional Sunday Best!  She used to be horrified at the outfits people wore, particularly the teenagers with slogans, midriff, bikie clothes etc.  (The girls in our family weren't allowed to wear nice trousers to church even - long skirts and stockings only!)

Then a priest explained to her that he'd rather people came to church even if they only had rags to wear, than not come at all.      She still dresses up for church, but she's not judgmental about what other people wear anymore. Sure, usually it's just their personal preference, but it may also be what they have clean, or what they have. And God probably doesn't care what they're wearing.  That always reminds me of that scene in Sister Act actually, where the priest is excited that the street youth came to church!

POD!

[BeagleMommy]

OP, I also favor the 50's librarian/Mad Men look for a lot of my clothing options.  I also like jeans and Tshirts for casual.  This woman would hate some of my dressier options.  They tend to swing toward the Bettie Page/Vargas girl looks (only not quite so extreme).

I'd be tempted to respond with an Eeyore type "Thanks for noticing". 

[Sirius]

I had a friend who was once confronted and yelled at in the ladies room because part of her back showed when she reached over to retrieve her purse. Woman yelled for seven minutes about how the small of her back is tempting her husband and she should be ashamed for wearing such garb to church, all the while other women in the bathroom minding their own business. Friend decided she was in the wrong because the other woman must have marital issues and she shouldn't have worn a shirt that lifts when she reaches over. I told her to never invite me to such a hell of a church.

What surprises me is that no one else who was in the restroom spoke up.  Also, if I had been that friend I'd have gone straight to the pastor.  There's no excuse for behavior like that in a church. 

[NyaChan]

At a mosque/masjid it is considered respectful to wear very modest dress (men & women) and cover one's hair (mostly for women, though men do wear prayer caps).  One time a woman in her 20s who was new to the community came to our masjid for the first time and did not have her hair covered.  An elderly man (no one knew who he was) went and loudly told her that her hair should be covered and doesn't she know any better than to be so disrespectful.  The poor woman turned around and walked out.  Luckily (and this is what I loved about our community) two nearby men who heard immediately pulled him aside and explained to him in no uncertain tone that it was completely inappropriate for him to approach the girl at all let alone chastise her about her clothing.  Meanwhile a nearby couple (young couple, used to babysit for their kiddos) went outside and apologized to the girl for that man's behavior, and said they understood if she felt uncomfortable, but if she was ok, would she please give the place another chance.  She ended up going home that night but did come back later without incident.  Never saw that man again...naturally the community was devastated 

[SamiHami]

"Actually, I have been meaning to talk with you about your clothing. You see, the church just isn't attracting younger people and of course you realize that we need them in order to grow our congregation. Unfortunately, ladies wearing unreasonably stifling and old fashioned clothing are sending out a negative message that we are rigid and intolerant. I'll be happy to give you some tips on what is considered appropriate church clothing nowadays!"

No? How is that any ruder than what she is doing?

Okay...evil Sami is slinking away...

[immadz]

I would absolutely talk to the pastor about it. Not only because this is affecting you directly but also because newer members who hear this are unlikely to come back.

[Cami]

I'm going to add to the number of those suggesting you talk to the pastor.

I've worked in individual churches and for the state office of a mainline Protestant denomination. ALL mainline Protestant denominations are deeply concerned about declining numbers, especially amongst yound adults. It is a matter of great focus and quite a bit of time, effort and money has been expended trying to solve this problem.

So if your church has a member who is harasssing others  -- and that is what she is doing, harassing -- your pastor should handle it asap.  No pastor worth his or her salt would want anyone harassing other parishioners out of the church.

[kckgirl]

Our pastor did act when a woman approached another women in our church lobby and berated her for how she was dressed (jeans and t-shirt). The pastor told her that all are welcome and we don't do that here, then asked her to leave. Unfortunately, the jeans/t-shirt lady was completely embarrassed, left immediately, and never came back. What a loss for us all!