My clothes are church appropriate!

[RiverSong]

BG: My dad was a preacher and my mom the pianist/organist (of course, I believe there is some unwritten law somewhere) of a very conservative fundamentalist Baptist church.

Are we sisters?! My mother is the church pianist and my dad is the preacher of their Baptist church. Growing up it was always skirts and blouses, even at school. I love the church I go to now. They don't care if you wear jeans or dressy and the pastors are awesome 

[Giggity]

Last Sunday I was wearing a big, woolly turtleneck sweater with jeans and boots because it was especially cold out.  On her way up to receive Holy Communion she bent over and said not-at-all quietly to me in a very quiet sanctuary "I don't care for the dungarees but at least you've covered your bosoms for once."   I ignored her.

I don't know if I'd have been able to keep from asking, in an outdoor voice, "What's a dungaree? Is that some kind of sea creature? I might like one if I met it."

[Barb3000]

Appropriate clothing for church is very subjective. 

I was born and raised a Catholic and appropriate dress depended heavily on which Mass you attended.  When I was a child, we usually attended the 7 am mass.  Back in those days, you had to fast from Midnight if you wanted to receive communion.  An early Mass made things easier because it was short.   Go to Mass, receive communion and stop off at the bakery on the way home for something from the bakery for breakfast.  The whole rigmarole took about an hour. 

People at the early Mass were usually people who had to work on Sunday.  Hospital personnel, policemen and other workers regularly showed up in uniforms or work pants and shirts. 

Later in the morning, things got more complicated.  Ten o'clock Mass could be quite dressy and last a long time with singing, incense and a complex sermon.

I also went to a Catholic church when younger (1960's) and remember seeing an older woman who looked like she was wearing a robe and nightgown. My mom explained she was probably "not all there". I don't believe anyone ever criticized her for her clothes.

[Piratelvr1121]

The last two times I've been to mass, I saw two females, one an adult and one a young girl, wearing what appeared to be lace veils over their hair.  Now I know this was done a long time ago and that it was unacceptable for a woman to go to mass with her hair uncovered.   

When I was confirmed, my sponsor (an aunt) gave me a book with several short stories about being a young Catholic girl.  In one of them a girl forgot her veil and had to pin a doily to her head.  Well I'd never actually seen anyone do this in modern times so this kinda surprised me!

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

I haven't seen it too often in my church but I have heard of at churches nearby.

The concept doesn't bother me. but sometimes I get caught staring and i need to explain I was looking at the intricate stitching ( all handmade )

Same with the pretty head scarves worn by Muslims.

Gosh I love that Pretty materials and intricate stitching.

( I could wear a headscarf where I am, but I choose not to)

[RebeccainGA]

I have to ask - did she REALLY refer to your pants as dungarees?

LOL - my DP, who is well under 65, calls them that when she's around her mother. At home, they are jeans, but when we're at Momma's house, they are always dungarees.

[camlan]

The last two times I've been to mass, I saw two females, one an adult and one a young girl, wearing what appeared to be lace veils over their hair.  Now I know this was done a long time ago and that it was unacceptable for a woman to go to mass with her hair uncovered.   

When I was confirmed, my sponsor (an aunt) gave me a book with several short stories about being a young Catholic girl.  In one of them a girl forgot her veil and had to pin a doily to her head.  Well I'd never actually seen anyone do this in modern times so this kinda surprised me!

I've seen the lace head scarves at the Catholic church in my town on occasion. Based on the very modest clothing that the women were wearing, I'm guessing that they are ultra-conservative Catholics.

There were lace head covers back in the 1960s that looked just like doilies--small, round circles of lace that were easy to stash in a pocket or handbag and pull out if you were going to go to church.

I can remember women using cloth handkerchiefs or even tissues as emergency headgear at Mass. Not very often, but you did see this on occasion. As styles changed and women weren't wearing hats every time they left the house, it would get harder and harder to remember to wear a hat for church.

[ShanghaiJill]

The last two times I've been to mass, I saw two females, one an adult and one a young girl, wearing what appeared to be lace veils over their hair.  Now I know this was done a long time ago and that it was unacceptable for a woman to go to mass with her hair uncovered.   

When I was confirmed, my sponsor (an aunt) gave me a book with several short stories about being a young Catholic girl.  In one of them a girl forgot her veil and had to pin a doily to her head.  Well I'd never actually seen anyone do this in modern times so this kinda surprised me!

There were actually head coverings called chapel caps and they greatly resembled doilies.  I've never seen any other than white.

http://www.madonnashopsonline.com/images/1288331685300227592972.jpeg

If you were particularly unprepared, you could use kleenex and a bobbie pin.   Just gather it in the middle, lay it flat on your head and pin it down.

As for the OP, Bosom Buddy Lady sounds like she is bullying you.  If not for the outfits, than for something else.

[violinp]

The last two times I've been to mass, I saw two females, one an adult and one a young girl, wearing what appeared to be lace veils over their hair.  Now I know this was done a long time ago and that it was unacceptable for a woman to go to mass with her hair uncovered.   

When I was confirmed, my sponsor (an aunt) gave me a book with several short stories about being a young Catholic girl.  In one of them a girl forgot her veil and had to pin a doily to her head.  Well I'd never actually seen anyone do this in modern times so this kinda surprised me!

There were actually head coverings called chapel caps and they greatly resembled doilies.  I've never seen any other than white.

http://www.madonnashopsonline.com/images/1288331685300227592972.jpeg

If you were particularly unprepared, you could use kleenex and a bobbie pin.   Just gather it in the middle, lay it flat on your head and pin it down.

As for the OP, Bosom Buddy Lady sounds like she is bullying you.  If not for the outfits, than for something else.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but by the rules, unmarried women wore the white veils, and married women wore black. Now, of course, most don't wear even a hat, let alone a veil, but that's what I was told about the veil rules.

[MissRose]

The last two times I've been to mass, I saw two females, one an adult and one a young girl, wearing what appeared to be lace veils over their hair.  Now I know this was done a long time ago and that it was unacceptable for a woman to go to mass with her hair uncovered.   

When I was confirmed, my sponsor (an aunt) gave me a book with several short stories about being a young Catholic girl.  In one of them a girl forgot her veil and had to pin a doily to her head.  Well I'd never actually seen anyone do this in modern times so this kinda surprised me!

There were actually head coverings called chapel caps and they greatly resembled doilies.  I've never seen any other than white.

http://www.madonnashopsonline.com/images/1288331685300227592972.jpeg

If you were particularly unprepared, you could use kleenex and a bobbie pin.   Just gather it in the middle, lay it flat on your head and pin it down.

As for the OP, Bosom Buddy Lady sounds like she is bullying you.  If not for the outfits, than for something else.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but by the rules, unmarried women wore the white veils, and married women wore black. Now, of course, most don't wear even a hat, let alone a veil, but that's what I was told about the veil rules.

I am Catholic, but not ultra conservative but cover my head for Mass anyways.  The lace veils are often referred to as mantillas which were made popular in the 1960's by Jackie Kennedy.  These days, there are no hard set rules on the color choice based on your marital status compared to the past where light colors were more for single women/girls, black for married women & widows plus funerals.

[Bottlecaps]

A couple of incidents similar to this one are what "scared" me away from going to church with my mother. I was sixteen the one and only time I ever went to church with her, and I was not impressed with the gossip and lack of respect the members had for others.( I also wasn't impressed with their need to propagate their political and social beliefs on others via scare tactics, but that's a whole other story.) After we came home, I told my mother that I would not be going back to church with her and explained my reasoning. A couple of years later, she stopped going to that church as well, presumably because she (along with the rest of our family, whom these people in my mom's congregation didn't even know) became the topic of the gossip.

OK, I got sidetracked there. Anyway, I think in a case like this, you have to be more direct than the old stand-by of, "How kind of you to take an interest." Just politely but firmly let her know that your choices for clothing are appropriate for church, that you haven't had any complaints from any other members of the congregation, and that the topic is no longer up for discussion. I also agree with others' suggestions to take up the matter with your pastor - I really don't think any leader of a church wants to see well-meaning and good-hearted potential members scared away by one member who feels the need to make her views known in an all-too-blunt (and rude) manner.

[Cami]

To my earlier suggestion that you discuss this problem with the pastor, I will add a comeback for the next time you deal with this busybody.

"How interesting that you are paying so much attention to my bosoms."

[Jocelyn]

I think the takeaway is the reminder to be aware of the vantage point of others. 

Absolutely. My mother had a multileveled classroom, where each row of desks were on a different riser, during the late 1960s and early 1970s, in the days of the miniskirt before females were allowed to wear pants to school. This meant that the students in the top row were seated at about my mother's eye level. She took to assigning seats, with the girls on the lower 2 rows and the boys on the upper two rows.

There was another teacher in that school who wore low blouses, and would lean on her podium and say, 'Now, look here, class!' And they did.

Once a friend took a picture of me and a friend at a SCA event, demoing weaving. It brought home the need to wear a modest chemise when others will be standing above you, watching you. I was decently covered, but my friend..well, you could see underboobage.

[Jocelyn]

At a former church, I signed up for being an usher. During my training, I was told that I must never, ever seat a visitor in a certain pew in the side chapel, because that was the pastor's mother's preferred seat.  She would tell people that it was her pew, she was the pastor's mother, and they had to get out of it. Everyone in the congregation knew that Mama's mind was going, so no one made an issue of it, and the ushers just seated people in other pews.

[NotTheNarcissist]

I know I'm late to this party but chiming in to say I'm so grateful I can wear jeans & a t- shirt to church & no one cares. Some wear suits & some wear shorts to my church - we get everything in between & I am soooo grateful! Pettiness over my clothing would keep me out of church. I am sooooo grateful for freedom.

ETA to add that I ride a motorcycle to church so I would like to know if this lady would want me to wear a dress on my motorcycle and show my bloomers off? or stick with the jeans? Hmm, tough call. I don't mean to make fun of her - it's just that people don't think about what they are saying sometimes.