Etiquette School is in session! > "What an interesting assumption."
When someone thinks your age makes you less than her...
Mental Magpie:
--- Quote from: Twik on January 11, 2012, 05:36:38 PM ---Does Dark Sister do any tutoring? She could always say, "Yes, I can relate to your issues with teaching young people starting university. It does take them a year or so to find their feet in university! We instructors need to be so patient to get them started on the right path. I'm sure we both appreciate the professors who were helpful when we were just starting out."
--- End quote ---
No, but that would be something good to say if she did.
Merry Mrs Martin:
I think the offense part might be before or after"you can relate to that". You can relate only says to me " you can remember" implying in the case of your sister and her SIL " you can remember more clearly then me" or " you are close to that side of the equation" .
I'll also say that most 24-26 year olds are different then they were at 20 but not as different then a 40 year old is from their 20 year old self. If you ask a 13 year old how different they are from a 12 or 11 year old many would say they are practically a different species. If you ask an 80 year old they might not feel there was difference between their 22 and 24 year old self,even those that had life altering events during those two years. It's a matter of preception. I suggest your sister address , how she is an individual if it is an unflattering comparison but an example of how she "relates" might help people with advise.
NyaChan:
I think that if SIL is implying that DarkSister has been an undergrad recently and therefore will remember & relate, that is not so bad - but the pat on the head, sickly sweet tone of voice kinda grates on me. I will say though, if SIL is trying to say that DarkSister as a law school student is having a comparable experience to an undergrad student, man oh man. I'm a law school student right now, and I am only a little ashamed to say that I would probably have to bite through my tongue to say nothing (because if I said something it would definitely be an awful something) to anyone who tried to compare going to law school to attending undergrad. Law school is its own special kind of mad mad world. We often joke that we must all be at least a little crazy, because no one who is sane would put themselves through this kind of torture.
I would probably ask why she thinks DarkSister could relate to the undergrad & then explain why she could not relate if it is in fact an incorrect assumption.
TurtleDove:
--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on January 11, 2012, 06:16:05 PM ---I wouldn't say that Dark Sister is looking down on people younger than her (not being able to relate to them isn't condescending). I don't understand that interpretation. Can someone please explain it to me? (No snark, I just don't see it and am trying to understand.)
I also think the reason Dark Sister feels slighted is because of the tone of voice in which FSIL is saying it, as if Dark Sister should feel like an 18 year old in the wake of FSIL age/experience. As Merry Mrs Martin put it, it's a matter of delivery/context.
I'll be very honest and say that, at 24, if someone told me I acted like I was 18, I'd be insulted. I am way different than I was when I was 18 and that all came with age, the maturity, the outlook on life, et cetera. If someone told me I was just a silly college freshman, I probably wouldn't have anything nice to say. Then again, I'm insulted when people call me "Hun" because I think it's belittling, which may be causing a bias in my opinion.
--- End quote ---
From what you've told us, Dark Sister does not like statements that she can relate to people younger than she is. That, to me, would be the connection with your subject line. I don't see the snark in the FSIL comment. I have been to law school. I have been in undergrad. They are different experiences, yes, but they are both experiences of being a STUDENT as opposed to having a JOB. I just don't think it is at all rude or odd or snarky to acknowledge that, as a student and someone who has been through undergrad, Dark Sister can relate. I really see this as Dark Sister making judgments about people who are not (yet) in law school than FSIL saying something snarky to Dark Sister.
Iris:
Honestly, this would just wash off me, and I'm afraid TurtleDove has a point about this being a big deal making DarkSister look a little...snobby (?)
BUT I remember what it was like to finish my undergraduate degree and start on post grad. I really felt like I'd achieved something and was in a much different place and was a different person. So I can kind of see why she finds it irritating, and probably doesn't mean any disrespect to undergrads. With that in mind I have two pieces of advice
1. Please try and listen to the people here. From the perspective of 40, 24 and 26 aren't that different. From the perspective of working, after a decade or so very few people would divide their life into 'undergrad' 'grad' and 'working. Eventually 'undergrad' and 'grad' just merge into 'student'. FSIL may not be being deliberately snarky by not seeing the difference, she is probably just seeing DarkSister as 'student'. As I said I can see why it might seem like a big deal to DarkSister, but to FSIL it may not even be a blip on her radar.
2. In the short term, if DarkSister decides she needs to do something about it she could just start subtly distancing herself from her undergrad days. When FSIL says "I'm sure you can relate..." then respond "Oh, yes, I remember what a nightmare that was as an undergrad..." Simply respond as an adult and eventually she'll be treated as one. After all, it's only two years ago. I'm sure she can remember how she felt back that far...
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version