Etiquette School is in session! > "What an interesting assumption."
When someone thinks your age makes you less than her...
TurtleDove:
--- Quote from: Iris on January 11, 2012, 08:39:49 PM ---Simply respond as an adult and eventually she'll be treated as one. After all, it's only two years ago. I'm sure she can remember how she felt back that far...
--- End quote ---
This. In my opinion, getting upset at FSIL's comment comes across as the opposite of responding as an adult. I like Iris's suggestions.
Onyx_TKD:
--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on January 11, 2012, 06:16:05 PM ---I wouldn't say that Dark Sister is looking down on people younger than her (not being able to relate to them isn't condescending). I don't understand that interpretation. Can someone please explain it to me? (No snark, I just don't see it and am trying to understand.)
I also think the reason Dark Sister feels slighted is because of the tone of voice in which FSIL is saying it, as if Dark Sister should feel like an 18 year old in the wake of FSIL age/experience. As Merry Mrs Martin put it, it's a matter of delivery/context.
I'll be very honest and say that, at 24, if someone told me I acted like I was 18, I'd be insulted. I am way different than I was when I was 18 and that all came with age, the maturity, the outlook on life, et cetera. If someone told me I was just a silly college freshman, I probably wouldn't have anything nice to say. Then again, I'm insulted when people call me "Hun" because I think it's belittling, which may be causing a bias in my opinion.
--- End quote ---
The bolded is not how I would interpret the original comment at all. I'm currently in grad school (although not law school) and I certainly feel that I can relate to undergrad students. That doesn't mean I haven't matured and grown between being a freshman and being a grad student.
I can relate because as a grad student, I still share a lot of common experiences with the undergrads--we all have to deal with classes, homework, and exams; we deal with the same professors, although sometimes in different contexts; we share a lot of the same frustrations about the way the campus is run (E.g. This building always seems to be too warm, and that one too cold; there's never enough parking; Professor A is insufferable; etc.), and the same little "tricks" and "secrets" (E.g. There's a nice inexpensive coffee shop tucked away in this building; this on-campus food court is not as busy as that one; if you need help with administrative stuff, see Ms. B because she knows the department back to front, but leave plenty of time 'cause she'll talk your ear off...etc.). Some undergrads even do research for particular professors, like the grad students do--their projects are just at a simpler level and for shorter lengths of time.
This person may have a unpleasant tone and may be as condescending as you think she is, but I don't think it's unreasonable to think that a grad student might be able to relate to some of undergrad issues.
Coley:
--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on January 11, 2012, 06:16:05 PM ---I'll be very honest and say that, at 24, if someone told me I acted like I was 18, I'd be insulted. I am way different than I was when I was 18 and that all came with age, the maturity, the outlook on life, et cetera. If someone told me I was just a silly college freshman, I probably wouldn't have anything nice to say. Then again, I'm insulted when people call me "Hun" because I think it's belittling, which may be causing a bias in my opinion.
--- End quote ---
Here's where I'm confused: It sounds like Dark Sister may be assuming that FSIL is comparing her to an 18 year old. I'm not sure I understand that assumption. After all, Dark Sister was in her 20s when she entered undergrad, and there likely are students FSIL teaches who also are older. It almost sounds as if Dark Sister might be reading more into FSIL's comment than is intended.
I'm a college instructor, and I teach both traditional (18-22 yo) students and nontraditional students. In my "traditional" on-campus classes last semester, I had a number of students who were older than 22, and I had three who were in their 50s. Given that, I'm don't see the logical connection between a discussion about undergrad and an intentional slight about Dark Sister's age on FSIL's part.
I'd encourage Dark Sister to keep an open mind about this. If it genuinely bothers her, then responding with something simple such as, "I'm not sure I follow," might help to clarify FSIL's intent.
Mental Magpie:
--- Quote from: Coley on January 13, 2012, 10:25:29 AM ---
--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on January 11, 2012, 06:16:05 PM ---I'll be very honest and say that, at 24, if someone told me I acted like I was 18, I'd be insulted. I am way different than I was when I was 18 and that all came with age, the maturity, the outlook on life, et cetera. If someone told me I was just a silly college freshman, I probably wouldn't have anything nice to say. Then again, I'm insulted when people call me "Hun" because I think it's belittling, which may be causing a bias in my opinion.
--- End quote ---
Here's where I'm confused: It sounds like Dark Sister may be assuming that FSIL is comparing her to an 18 year old. I'm not sure I understand that assumption. After all, Dark Sister was in her 20s when she entered undergrad, and there likely are students FSIL teaches who also are older. It almost sounds as if Dark Sister might be reading more into FSIL's comment than is intended.
I'm a college instructor, and I teach both traditional (18-22 yo) students and nontraditional students. In my "traditional" on-campus classes last semester, I had a number of students who were older than 22, and I had three who were in their 50s. Given that, I'm don't see the logical connection between a discussion about undergrad and an intentional slight about Dark Sister's age on FSIL's part.
I'd encourage Dark Sister to keep an open mind about this. If it genuinely bothers her, then responding with something simple such as, "I'm not sure I follow," might help to clarify FSIL's intent.
--- End quote ---
I think you're right. Instead of reading it as "you can relate to the experience of undergrad" I think Dark Sister is reading it as "you can relate emotionally/mentally to 18 year olds." Not sure why she is reading it that way, could be the condescending voice and the other things FSIL has said to Dark Sister (which I just found out last night).
WillyNilly:
--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on January 13, 2012, 10:48:51 AM ---
--- Quote from: Coley on January 13, 2012, 10:25:29 AM ---
--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on January 11, 2012, 06:16:05 PM ---I'll be very honest and say that, at 24, if someone told me I acted like I was 18, I'd be insulted. I am way different than I was when I was 18 and that all came with age, the maturity, the outlook on life, et cetera. If someone told me I was just a silly college freshman, I probably wouldn't have anything nice to say. Then again, I'm insulted when people call me "Hun" because I think it's belittling, which may be causing a bias in my opinion.
--- End quote ---
Here's where I'm confused: It sounds like Dark Sister may be assuming that FSIL is comparing her to an 18 year old. I'm not sure I understand that assumption. After all, Dark Sister was in her 20s when she entered undergrad, and there likely are students FSIL teaches who also are older. It almost sounds as if Dark Sister might be reading more into FSIL's comment than is intended.
I'm a college instructor, and I teach both traditional (18-22 yo) students and nontraditional students. In my "traditional" on-campus classes last semester, I had a number of students who were older than 22, and I had three who were in their 50s. Given that, I'm don't see the logical connection between a discussion about undergrad and an intentional slight about Dark Sister's age on FSIL's part.
I'd encourage Dark Sister to keep an open mind about this. If it genuinely bothers her, then responding with something simple such as, "I'm not sure I follow," might help to clarify FSIL's intent.
--- End quote ---
I think you're right. Instead of reading it as "you can relate to the experience of undergrad" I think Dark Sister is reading it as "you can relate emotionally/mentally to 18 year olds." Not sure why she is reading it that way, could be the condescending voice and the other things FSIL has said to Dark Sister (which I just found out last night).
--- End quote ---
Does FSIL only teach 18 year old freshmen? Don't most college professors teach a variety of classes and therefore a variety of ages? When I hear "college student" I don't think of an 18 year old. I think of an ageless someone who spends the majority of their time focusing on academia.
The college experience is something totally and wholly different then someone who does not go to college (enters the job force immediately, goes to a shorter duration trade school, becomes a professional apprentice, becomes a homemaker, etc). I would say a 40 year old full time student and an 18 year full times student can relate to university related topics a whole lot better then two 18 year olds one working full time as say an electrical apprentice and one who is a full time student, or two 40 year olds, one who is a full time student the other who is say a full time chef having never attended college.
Experience and age are not always at odds with one another. So if your sister has been a student for the last 5 years she will relate to student related topics better then someone who has not been a student for the last 5 years - that would be true if she was 18 years old, 26 years old 40 years or 70 years old.
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