Author Topic: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)  (Read 4909 times)

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VorFemme

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #15 on: January 19, 2012, 07:50:49 PM »
Etiquette vigilantes.

We'd track down rude people and give them a taste of their own medicine. Difficult customers would get yelled at in their place of work, gimme pigs would be forced at gunpoint to buy expensive presents for their long-suffering friends, abled people who parked in the disabled space would have their bums glued to a wheelchair, people who listened to music loudly on public transport would have constantly-playing boom boxes bricked into their bedroom wall, and parents who allowed their kids to run riot would have a dozen feral two-year-olds released into their houses armed with playdough, flour, and jam.

It would be the best thing ever.

And Pea Chucking Jones' parents would be lined up against a wall with their offspring given a couple of cases of canned goods to throw at them............

Anyone who ever tried to take someone's cane away from them (or crutches) or watched their child try to snatch a pretty carved walking stick away from someone who is USING it would have their choice of a bone broken so that they need crutches, then their child would be allowed to snatch their fancied up crutch or walking stick away from them...............

And anyone who STOLE a handicapped tag from the real user............well, rather than have them end up really needing one (hypochondriacs might enjoy being REALLY sick for a change) would be have to wear a sign saying "able bodied person" everywhere they go.  And be required to park ONLY at the fartherest corner of the lot from the place that they are going to.............or a half mile walk minimum if they are at a large shopping mall.  They do get to wear comfortable walking shoes - we don't want to really cripple them - we want them to walk everywhere and often!
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gramma dishes

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #16 on: January 19, 2012, 08:09:06 PM »
We have several floors that serve my company in our office building.  We also have a non-emergency staircase that serves these floor.

There have been many times where I needed to go from the 52nd floor to the 47th floor and wished we had a fire house pole.

Perhaps you could sell management on the idea if instead of calling it a 'fire house pole', you called it a 'dance pole'. 

I'm sure some of the people on the lower levels would even chip in toward completion of the project to see you and some of your top floor coworkers coming down to visit them on the 47th floor.  Speed + entertainment.  How could you go wrong?  ;D

Iris

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #17 on: January 19, 2012, 10:19:08 PM »
You know those pedestrians who wander across the road, forcing you to slow down or actually stop so that you don't hurt them, even though you're the only car for miles and they could have just waited one minute more and not risked death or injury?

I've always wanted some kind of customised precision vehicle that would silently drive up to within an inch behind them, safely. And a horn that would say "BOO!" when I get there.  ;D
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Nikko-chan

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #18 on: January 19, 2012, 10:24:55 PM »
You know those pedestrians who wander across the road, forcing you to slow down or actually stop so that you don't hurt them, even though you're the only car for miles and they could have just waited one minute more and not risked death or injury?

I've always wanted some kind of customised precision vehicle that would silently drive up to within an inch behind them, safely. And a horn that would say "BOO!" when I get there.  ;D

GAH! I was one of these today. FTR I was in a place I am not used to being in (where I come from, the crosswalks aren't used, because they are literally dangerous-- meaning in some of them you can't see the cars coming before you go off the curb) and a classmate and I went outside to check the water fountain to see if it worked--- it didn't. On our way back we almost got smashed into little tiny pieces... so... how long do I have to be in pedestrian's time out?

Kimblee

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #19 on: January 19, 2012, 10:31:38 PM »

I have always wanted to open an amusement park sort of thing for the express purpose of driving around drunk on tractors, ATVís, and jacked up beater cars and such. It would have a few mud tracks, some with obstacles like hills, giant puddles, some fake cows, and sneaky shrubbery, and a woods trail where people can chase each other around like drunken yahoos on 4 wheelers. Iím telling you, I have a vision. The bar would serve moonshine, whiskey, tequila, and cheap beer in a can. I think it would be so much fun. The legalities of something like that, insurance, and probability of being sued, however, make me think it is not a dream that will ever come to fruition.

Awesome....  :D
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Iris

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #20 on: January 19, 2012, 11:06:39 PM »
You know those pedestrians who wander across the road, forcing you to slow down or actually stop so that you don't hurt them, even though you're the only car for miles and they could have just waited one minute more and not risked death or injury?

I've always wanted some kind of customised precision vehicle that would silently drive up to within an inch behind them, safely. And a horn that would say "BOO!" when I get there.  ;D

GAH! I was one of these today. FTR I was in a place I am not used to being in (where I come from, the crosswalks aren't used, because they are literally dangerous-- meaning in some of them you can't see the cars coming before you go off the curb) and a classmate and I went outside to check the water fountain to see if it worked--- it didn't. On our way back we almost got smashed into little tiny pieces... so... how long do I have to be in pedestrian's time out?

Well, that could have just been normal inattention. Were you wandering slowly diagonally across the road to maximise the time spent on the road? That's 10 minutes. Were you listening to headphones as well? That's another 10 minutes. Did you turn around, see the car approaching, and CONTINUE to wander vaguely and slowly without even changing direction? That's punishable by life imprisonment  ;).

If you were just having a vague moment I'll let you off with a warning :)
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

Nikko-chan

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #21 on: January 19, 2012, 11:16:21 PM »
Warning it is :) but seriously... I hope by semesters end I get used to crossing these roads.

Bluenomi

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #22 on: January 19, 2012, 11:58:10 PM »

I have always wanted to open an amusement park sort of thing for the express purpose of driving around drunk on tractors, ATVís, and jacked up beater cars and such. It would have a few mud tracks, some with obstacles like hills, giant puddles, some fake cows, and sneaky shrubbery, and a woods trail where people can chase each other around like drunken yahoos on 4 wheelers. Iím telling you, I have a vision. The bar would serve moonshine, whiskey, tequila, and cheap beer in a can. I think it would be so much fun. The legalities of something like that, insurance, and probability of being sued, however, make me think it is not a dream that will ever come to fruition.

I do know of a place that has a dirt ATV race track. So very cool.

Sirius

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #23 on: January 20, 2012, 05:10:05 PM »
I've always wanted to run a shop where if you didn't like the service, you could just get the bleep out. No " the customer is always right" carp, no bending over backwards for "difficult" customers, just honest, respectful transactions.

Can I apply?  I currently work at home doing medical transcription because I don't play well with others. 

Sirius

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #24 on: January 20, 2012, 05:16:31 PM »
Etiquette vigilantes.

We'd track down rude people and give them a taste of their own medicine. Difficult customers would get yelled at in their place of work, gimme pigs would be forced at gunpoint to buy expensive presents for their long-suffering friends, abled people who parked in the disabled space would have their bums glued to a wheelchair, people who listened to music loudly on public transport would have constantly-playing boom boxes bricked into their bedroom wall, and parents who allowed their kids to run riot would have a dozen feral two-year-olds released into their houses armed with playdough, flour, and jam.

It would be the best thing ever.

The bolded - make the boom boxes constantly play whichever music the miscreant hates the worst, be that rap or opera.

VorFemme

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #25 on: January 20, 2012, 09:31:19 PM »
In a foreign language, sung in falsetto, and (if possible) an instrument or scale not the one they grew up with.............or a fusion of styles...........say Chinese opera with bagpipes sung falsetto in Klingon (as an extreme example) - possibly rap style..........fingernails on blackboard as a solo "instrument" in pauses.

Evil and Snarky have volunteered to help sing............the next time they have laryngitis and their voices are all scratchy and they are too deaf to tell how far off key they are.
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violinp

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #26 on: January 20, 2012, 09:39:54 PM »
In a foreign language, sung in falsetto, and (if possible) an instrument or scale not the one they grew up with.............or a fusion of styles...........say Chinese opera with bagpipes sung falsetto in Klingon (as an extreme example) - possibly rap style..........fingernails on blackboard as a solo "instrument" in pauses.

Evil and Snarky have volunteered to help sing............the next time they have laryngitis and their voices are all scratchy and they are too deaf to tell how far off key they are.

Having had to listen to Peking opera...ow. All of that together might be in one of the levels of Hell.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Sanity Lost

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #27 on: January 21, 2012, 02:50:07 PM »
Duct tape my 2 boys together (or too the wall) when they are fighting, whining or being major drama llamas. In fact I want a stamp that dispenses duct tape with the words "Drama Llama, do not open" to put across the mouth.

Le sigh..... Pushing evil Sanity back in her closet; even when I really like her suggestions

deadbody

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2012, 11:47:58 AM »
I've tried to convince my wife of this for the in-home daycare.

A velcro wall, you put all the kids in some type of harness when they get there foer the day, and then have a velcro strip like 3 feet off the ground (high enough to keep them off the ground, low enough that no one dies from the fall)

When the kids need a timeout, you just grab them by the harness and smack them onto the wall.  Granted you'd need good velcro or something to assure that they cannot push off, but it seems like it would solve so many problems.

This is why I don't work with children :)

snowfire

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Re: If it weren't for the punishment.... (funny things we wish we could do)
« Reply #29 on: January 24, 2012, 03:15:00 PM »
Snicker!  DH had the same idea of velcro walls for rambunctious kids.  A bored engineer is a dangerous thing.  >:D  He's also watched too many episodes of "Takeshi's Castle"....