Let's Play....Who Was Rude!?!

[NyaChan]

I have been wondering about a particular situation that I came across when I was younger for years now & wondering who was rude, if no one was rude, or if everyone was a bit rude.  I am really curious to see what other people think about it.

The girls involved in this story would have been about 12 or 13 years old.

Birthday Girl invites 10 friends to her home for a party to celebrate, and they all accept.  One week later there is a national tragedy.  One week after that national tragedy is the night of the party.  Birthday Girl waits, but no one is arriving.  She then called up guests to see where they were, and realized that many had forgotten & a couple were just running really late.  One guest, Anna, who had forgotten about the party said she was sorry, but she had a guest over at her house.  Birthday Girl said she understood she couldn't make it and don't worry about it.  The party goes on once everyone arrives, though Birthday Girl was clearly a bit rattled by the awkward start. 

The next day, Birthday Girl's older sibling comes home from school and asks just what happened on the phone with her & Anna.  Apparently, Anna's older sibling had complained to her that Birthday Girl was so mean - how could she have not extended the invitation over the phone to the guest that Anna had over so that they could both attend? 

General Info:
1)  There was plenty of food, in fact a ridiculous amount was left over, so having enough provisions was not an issue
2)  The guest was a mutual acquaintance of the Birthday Girl and Anna, though not really a friend of the Birthday Girl
3)  Birthday Girl personally handed out the invitations - not simply a verbal invite - & did bring up the party to a few of the guests between the time of the invite & the day of the party.
4)  The older siblings were about 16-17 years old


What do you think?  Just a miscommunication, or did someone drop the ball on the courtesy front?

[Betelnut]

No one was rude.  Anna's older sibling needs to butt out or be accused of being rude her/himself.

[Yvaine]

My first instinct is that Anna was PA. If I remember from previous threads, there are rules about what to do if you're invited to a party but have a houseguest, but I can't remember them off the top of my head. And I wouldn't expect a 12yo to know them at all. Anna seemed to be declining based on her words--she "forgot," she was "sorry," etc.--but BG was supposed to pick up on that and realize she was fishing for an invite for the guest, and I think that's a bit more subtlety than I'd expect a preteen to grasp. Of course, them being 12 also makes me more forgiving of Anna being hinty in the first place. But I think Anna calling BG "mean" for not picking up on the hint is what makes my sympathies tip to BG.

[WhiteTigerCub]

Brithday Girl had no obligation to invite Anna's guest. Clear invitations were sent prior to the date of the party and included all the guests at that time.

Inviting Anna's friend after the fact may have seemed like she was on the "B" list becuase she was not originally invited.  Anna's sister should have minded her own business.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

Why on earth should the Birthday Girl invite Anna (who had forgotten about the invitation, and so double-booked herself) and Anna's guest? 

Anna's older sibling was rude. 

Anna was a little rude for "forgetting" the invitation if she had actually accepted. 

What "miscommunication" are you positing? That Anna was hinting for an invitation from a guest who meant more to her than the Birthday Girl? 

Why would Anna want to pack up herself and her guest to go to Birthday Girl's? Why would guest want to go? 

The Birthday Girl did the sensible thing - graciously accepted that she had been blown off, without making a big deal about it. 

The national tragedy is, I think, a red herring.  Nobody is reported as having cancelled as a result of the tragedy, or having changed plans as a result. 

[lowspark]

I'm not sure how the national tragedy plays into it except to give the guests an excuse for forgetting?

Regardless of that, I'm going to call Anna (and any other guests who forgot) rude. I'll admit, I've been guilty of forgetting something like this myself, but I was definitely rude doing it!

Birthday girl had no obligation to invite Anna's guest along.

And I agree that it was none of the older sister's business. Although with kids, you can hardly expect them to keep quiet so although rude, forgivable.

[gramma dishes]

2)  The guest was a mutual acquaintance of the Birthday Girl and Anna ...

2.)  So if the extra girl was a mutual acquaintance, the Birthday Girl would have invited Extra Girl herself if she had wanted her to come. The real question is, why did the girl who actually was invited make arrangements to spend the same night as the party with someone else?

Unless this 'guest' had been unexpectedly thrown on the invitee at the last minute unexpectedly  (e.g. both sets of parents went out to dinner leaving the two girls together), then I think she was the rude one for a.)  not giving the hostess a heads up that she wouldn't be coming and  b.)   making plans with someone else for the night of the party.

[Judah]

I'm not sure how the national tragedy plays into it except to give the guests an excuse for forgetting?

Regardless of that, I'm going to call Anna (and any other guests who forgot) rude. I'll admit, I've been guilty of forgetting something like this myself, but I was definitely rude doing it!

Birthday girl had no obligation to invite Anna's guest along.

And I agree that it was none of the older sister's business. Although with kids, you can hardly expect them to keep quiet so although rude, forgivable.

All of this.

[MommyPenguin]

Well, my understanding is that, if you will have a friend visiting during an event, you decline and let them know that you have a friend visiting.  It's not passive-aggressive, assuming that you are behaving correctly.  Behaving correctly means that you are RSVPing no, and giving them the reason, and that you understand that that's the correct thing to do because you cannot invite a guest to somebody else's event.  What the hostess *may* choose to do, then, is to extent the invite to your guest, thus enabling you to come.  However, whether she wishes to do this is completely up to her, and it is not a social requirement.  Anna and her guest were rude to complain about it to Anna's sibling, and her sibling was rude to complain about it to the birthday girl's sibling, because it is not a social requirement to invite an extra guest.

Anna was also rude for RSVPing yes and then forgetting the party.  I'll give everyone a bit of a pass here because of the major national tragedy, but in general, forgetting the invitation and inviting somebody over instead?  Rude.  And then expecting that your guest should be invited over?  Man, and *she's* the one who complains?

I'll give the birthday girl a pass, because a) she was young enough not to understand that she had the option of inviting the extra guest, and b) it's not a social requirement to do so regardless.

[Outdoor Girl]

Birthday Girl was the only one who wasn't rude, IMO.

All of the guests were rude for not being on time/not showing up.

Anna was rude for doublebooking.  She was also rude for griping to someone else about her guest not being invited last minute.  Her older sister was rude for passing on the gripe.  I'm on the fence as to whether or not Birthday Girl's older sister was also rude for playing the telephone game.

[dawbs]

I think this is a case of "maybe could have been more gracious/extra nice" but not rude.

It's rude to stand someone up--but sometimes, life happens.
It's nice if you can extend an invite (but sometimes people forget, sometimes one can't, sometimes one doesn't want to, and sometimes, when one is 12, mom and/or dad has to OK that)

Badmouthing Sibling seems to be the only rude one.

[Hmmmmm]

Birthday Girl was the only one who wasn't rude, IMO.

All of the guests were rude for not being on time/not showing up.

Anna was rude for doublebooking.  She was also rude for griping to someone else about her guest not being invited last minute.  Her older sister was rude for passing on the gripe.  I'm on the fence as to whether or not Birthday Girl's older sister was also rude for playing the telephone game.

My thoughts exactly.

[Surianne]

Birthday Girl was the only one who wasn't rude, IMO.

All of the guests were rude for not being on time/not showing up.

Anna was rude for doublebooking.  She was also rude for griping to someone else about her guest not being invited last minute.  Her older sister was rude for passing on the gripe.  I'm on the fence as to whether or not Birthday Girl's older sister was also rude for playing the telephone game.

My thoughts exactly.

Same here.

[amylouky]

I think all of Birthday Girl's guests were rude, for forgetting the party and/or arriving late without calling. There is nothing worse at 12/13 than the feeling that no one is coming to your party. Anna's sister was also rude, for calling BG mean and butting in.

Nothing in the General info points changes my opinion.. whether BG COULD have invited Anna's guest does not mean she was obliged to in any way.

[Ceallach]

Birthday Girl was the only one who wasn't rude, IMO.

All of the guests were rude for not being on time/not showing up.

Anna was rude for doublebooking.  She was also rude for griping to someone else about her guest not being invited last minute.  Her older sister was rude for passing on the gripe.  I'm on the fence as to whether or not Birthday Girl's older sister was also rude for playing the telephone game.

My thoughts exactly.

Same here.

Yep!  Rude guests for sure.