Let's Play....Who Was Rude!?!

[DottyG]

Add another on the "Outdoor Girl's exactly right" train.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

I think this is a case of "maybe could have been more gracious/extra nice" but not rude.

Why should the Birthday Girl be "more gracious/extra nice"? 

That's a quick step towards the Birthday Girl being a doormat because she always has to be "nice". 

She made a guest list.  Anna's friend wasn't on it. 

Why should the Birthday Girl now be "extra nice" to accommodate Anna's having made plans with somebody else after "forgetting" about the Birthday Girl's party?

That certainly isn't gracious or nice to the Birthday Girl *herself*

[dawbs]

I think this is a case of "maybe could have been more gracious/extra nice" but not rude.

Why should the Birthday Girl be "more gracious/extra nice"? 

That's a quick step towards the Birthday Girl being a doormat because she always has to be "nice". 

She made a guest list.  Anna's friend wasn't on it. 

Why should the Birthday Girl now be "extra nice" to accommodate Anna's having made plans with somebody else after "forgetting" about the Birthday Girl's party?

That certainly isn't gracious or nice to the Birthday Girl *herself*

Right...which is why I said the birthday girl wasn't rude.
Failing to do something that can be see as 'nice' isn't rude.
Choosing not to do something 'nice' isn't rude.
It jsut...is.  It's neutral.

[NyaChan]

OP here with the reveal:

I was the Birthday Girl in this scenario.  I really was so sad when I realized that almost no one would have come if I hadn't called them.  When I spoke to Anna and heard that she had a friend over, my head was in a "no one likes me  " place & I got it into my head that she didn't want to come to my party.  Which is why I did feel guilty when I was told that I could have extended the invitation and had both Anna and her guest over.  I don't know why it didn't occur to me when I was on the phone with her, but then I'll admit, I wasn't exactly a social butterfly or particularly self confident back then so saying the right thing at the right time was a struggle for the preteen version of me.

The reason I included the bit about the national tragedy was because it might very well have been a reason why people had forgotten - the tragedy was September 11th & I even briefly wondered if it was okay to still have a birthday party when the country was in mourning.   

Really the incident wasn't a big deal at all in the end, just something I always felt guilty about.  I maintained a casual friendship with Anna & the other girl actually turned out to be one of my best friends in high school   Funny how things turn out huh?

[lowspark]

Yeah, I kinda figured that might have been the tragedy. But the question is, did they forget (and attribute that to the fact that it was so soon after) or did they just assume that you weren't going to have the party after all?

Either way, it's rude. If they forgot, well, ok, yes, that was a pretty horrible time, but life did go on. People still had doctor's appointments and work meetings, etc. And social engagements. Calendars didn't just get ignored -- assuming none of these people were personally affected by the attacks*.  And if they assumed, well, they should have asked, huh?

*To clarify, I think that the entire country was personally affected by the attacks. What I mean is, if you were there or knew somone who was there.

[DottyG]

I stand by my original response - you were the only one in the story who wasn't rude.  It wasn't your obligation to invite someone's guest to your party.  Could you have?  Yes.  Were you required to?  No.

I knew it was Sept 11 that you were talking about.  And it wasn't wrong of you to still have a birthday even right after 9/11!  You get to still have a birthday - even if there's a tragedy on that very day.  It was wrong, however, for your friends to just blow you off.  If they decided not to come to the party (because of a tragedy, illness or hangnail), it was up to them to call you to tell you.

[Ceallach]

I stand by my original response - you were the only one in the story who wasn't rude.  It wasn't your obligation to invite someone's guest to your party.  Could you have?  Yes.  Were you required to?  No.

I knew it was Sept 11 that you were talking about.  And it wasn't wrong of you to still have a birthday even right after 9/11!  You get to still have a birthday - even if there's a tragedy on that very day.  It was wrong, however, for your friends to just blow you off.  If they decided not to come to the party (because of a tragedy, illness or hangnail), it was up to them to call you to tell you.

POD all of this!

[Marbles]

I'll add, too, that Anna and her sister, in disparaging you, made the unfortunate assumption that your parents would have allowed an add-on guest. Not all kids have that option.

[Winterlight]

I'm with Outdoor Girl. You were not rude. Forgetting guests were rude. Anna was doubly rude for forgetting, then complaining that her guest was not added to the list at the last minute. Anna's sister was rude for whining to your sister and should have minded her own business. Your sister should have defended you and pointed all this out.

[AmethystAnne]

I had wondered if 9-11 was the national tragedy that had happened.

[VorFemme]

At the age of the guests (10 to 12 years old) it is the PARENTS who are going to be taking them to the BG's house or other site for the party.

National Tragedy might have caused some changes in plans (if it is the one that I'm thinking of in 2001 or one of the natural disasters in 2005) - there might have been funerals, big changes at work for some people, and a lot of worried people wondering if there was going to be another round of tragedies THIS week..............I also wonder if some people might have taken in friends or family who were displaced as a part of the tragedy or natural disaster............so the guest hadn't been expected to be present when the RSVP was made a week earlier for the party...................

But was present due to changes in plans after the national tragedy. 

So, the national tragedy may have tossed that family's plans into the air & rearranged them - they should have gotten in touch with the other family to let them know about the changes, if possible.  Having an older sibling try to shame the BG at school after the party was poor manners on the part of the older sibling............

But the parents really have to be the ones actually blamed because anyone too young to drive can't be held completely responsible for not being able to go someplace if it is too far to walk or ride a bike (safely - sometimes you might live "just across the road from someone" but still be unable to get across a three lane divided highway SAFELY).

[zyrs]

OP you were not rude at all, your guests were rude for forgetting/running late without calling you.  Anna and her sister were incredibly rude.