Here's a story that's a bit long and I'm not sure what category it fits into. J and M's wedding was a semi-formal civil ceremony held in a fancy restaurant. It was scheduled for 9PM with the reception immediately following. The ceremony went well and was quite lovely. Not so much the reception. While there was nothing really wrong with it, I had a terrible time due in large part to the MOG. Let me explain a few things.
I have several allergies, two of which are relevant here: sea food and fish. If I eat sea food Asharah's comment: I think she means shellfish. my whole body swells and I stop breathing. With fish the reaction is less severe, mostly some swelling and a rash, but it's still very unpleasant. So guess what was on the menu? Right. An all sea food and fish dinner: deviled oysters, cream of salmon soup and grilled shrimp on a bed of rice. Now, in my country it's not customary to offer a choice of entrees along with the invitation or RSVP cards, Asharah's comment: Apparently that particular tradition does have a useful function. nor is it customary to disclose the menu in advance. Had I known what was being served, I would have eaten supper before the wedding. But I had no way of knowing. Asharah's comment: Given OP's severe allergies, I would think it was within proper etiquette to ask in advance.
The prospect of bread and wine and dessert not being appetizing, I thought I'd inform J and M I'd step out for a quick bite and then return for the rest of the reception. J informed me he was aware of my allergies and had ordered a different entree for me. Well, that was very thoughtful of him and I stayed. The entree turned out to be fried trout, which I couldn't eat either. Apparently J thought I was allergic only to seafood (and that's why he had not ordered a different soup, either). I was annoyed, but not offended, as I didn't expect J to keep a record of my health problems. But I was also hungry and told them, again, I'd have to step out and be back as soon s possible. J and M were ok with this and apologized profusely for getting the wrong entree. I know declining the food provided by the hosts and going elsewhere to eat is bad etiquette, but I felt justified in this case.
As I was grabbing my purse, the MOG tells me I'm an ungrateful wretch with no manners and that I should eat what's put in front of me and like it. Asharah's comment: Wonder if she always made the groom clean his plate. I began to explain about my allergies but she didn't want to listen. She went on to tell me she had never liked me and how glad she was her son found someone better than me to marry. This floored me because while J and I were close friends, neither he nor I had ever shown any romantic interest in each other. Asharah's comment: I think Momzilla has some issues with OP that have nothing to do with food.. I told her how sorry I was about the food, but I couldn't possibly eat it. Allergies are serious things. She still didn't want to listen to that and very loudly ordered me out. I did leave because I didn't want to add to the scene the MOG had already caused. Well, J came running out after me, apologized profusely about his mother's behavior and begged me not to go. A few of our other friends also came out. Two of them offered to accompany me to a fast food place so I wouldn’t eat alone (they confided later they don't like sea food).
About a half hour later we returned to the reception (we missed dessert and the cutting of the cake). The MOG ignored me for most of the night until the parents of the bride came over to say what a pity it was I couldn't eat at the reception. I explained about my allergies to which the FOB said I was right (he is a surgeon and understands these things). The MOG, sitting nearby, loudly yelled that "a little rash never killed anybody." Asharah's comment: I would assume, maybe inaccurately, that bride's parents are the ones actually hosting the reception. If they can be gracious about the whole thing, Momzilla needs to zip it. Not to mention claiming she's knows more about food allergies than a doctor. The FOB tried explaining to her just how life and death serious allergies can be, but she didn't listen to him either. Since then I've made it a practice to make discreet inquiries regarding the menu at weddings and other social functions. Asharah's comment: At least she learned something from the experience. Guest0211-03
I think you handled an awkward situation very well.
Asharah's comment: I feel sorry for the groom, who had to apologize for his clod of a mother to his friend during his wedding reception.