I can't say that they resent me but I can tell that there is a barrier and we will never be close like normal godson's gf and godparents would be. They never bring up their daughter or put me in an awkward position but when I was over at their place for dinner/xmas, the daughter's pictures are everywhere. It's hard not to look but at the same time, it feels uncomfortable. I once told BF that I feel godparents are treating him like a son-in-law more than a godson and he agreed. He said it gets 'scary' sometimes. I personally don't have any problems getting close to them but the line between godson and son-in-law becomes blurry and it bothers me because I feel like my BF was someone's husband, but not really. Does that make sense?!
BF once said he is only doing what godson is suppose to do and nothing more. He said he will put me in first priority over them and if they ever ask for more, he will make it clear that he does not have any obligations (godparents has a son too) as a godson. BF currently has dinner with them every Friday nights. He said he can't stop going but eventually when we get married and have babies, he will stop seeing them on a regular basis. He said he hopes I can put up with him for now and that he loves me too much to let me go. Problem is, I don't know if godparents feel/think the same way.... (Note. I am not invited to these Friday dinners. This is for godparents, godparent's son and my BF only....)
My husband's first wife passed away and I will say that I assume, had she not, he'd still be married to her. We also have a relationship
with his former in-laws and they still treat him like a son. I can admit that, at first, I was very apprehensive about meeting/interacting them. It is uncomfortable. Their wedding picture is still prominately displayed in their home. No one is going to dispute that there's discomfort. Sadness. It's all very natural. No doubt his ex in-laws wish that their daughter was still alive and the one coming over for dinner with my DH vs. me.
This is all very natural. So, here's the deal: You have to find a way to be comfortable with this. He and his ex never broke up. They now never will break up. So, can you live with the inevitable question of "If she were here, would I be?"
This is something that you have to work out both with yourself and with your BF. The whole psychology of this situation can be maddening. So first, you need to accept that the "if" didn't happen. She's not here. You are...and life moves on. Once you get to the point where you can be ok with that, then you can work through the issue of her parents with your BF and not project your own discomfort on them (I'm not saying that you are doing this necessarily, but I did...so, it's just my perspective.)
If the parents really do resent you or feel like they have some say in who he chooses to date, then you absolutely have to take that up with your BF. Personally, I don't think that there's anything wrong with him eating dinner with them once a week. If your relationship
has progressed to the point that you're talking about getting married and having kids, then I do think you should be invited as well. They want to treat him like a godson/son-in-law, then fine, that comes with accepting his new relationship
. If they aren't doing that, then he needs to fix it...either by pulling back on the relationship
or having a heat to heart with them.
I guess, what I'm trying to tell you, is that you shouldn't be concerned that telling your BF how you feel will push him into doing something...because him doing something has to happen. The parents may not be so quick on the draw for him to move on...but that doesn't mean that they can't get there.
My advice is to talk to him and tell him how you feel...not just about this vacation, but the whole thing. He needs to be willing to help you feel comfortable and I hope that her parents can get to that point too. I have a wonderful relationship
with my DH's ex in-laws, but I'll admit it didn't start out that way. Not because they didn't like me, but because they were sad. They weren't trying to hurt me, but their sadness made me feel bad. First, I had to get my head straight, then I was able to articulate to DH how I was feeling, who in turn was able to help smooth things over with the in-laws. I've spent a lot of time with them...but I still haven't vacationed with them. So, there is that.