So, eHellions, what are your thoughts? Is DH overreacting here? Or, do you think he is okay being upset about what happened with his non-existent wedding invitation? I think his anger/frustration is justified.
I'd be upset, too. My immediate reactions would be first A) What a vicious old woman to give a silly ultimatum to her own son about his wedding, and then B) What a vicious old woman to bar me from the wedding just because I was her son's ex. That woman's got issues. And, finally... B) Why on earth did Bill even mention this to me? If he'd kept his mouth shut then my feelings wouldn't have been involved whatsoever. Instead, Bill apologized for something to rid his consciousness of the guilt and ended up MAKING me feel bad. I'm angry that Bill even brought it up.
Bill caused so much more harm by saying ANYTHING. He should've kept the apology to the minimum about the restaurant scene. Instead, what he did was rid his
conscious of guilt for not issuing the invitation... but he caused your DH pain for it. Tsk. Isn't that the opposite of what an apology is supposed to do? Aren't we only supposed to apologize to mend a fence? And if an apology would cause more harm than good, are we not supposed to suffer in our guilt? (Okay, maybe not suffer, but chalk it up to doing what's best for the person who would feel harmed.)
Bill's mother clearly stands apart as an example of what no one on earth should act like...ever... And I'd probably go on and on about how horrible she is, but I don't think that would do much good. However, I'm not really sympathizing with Bill when he caused more harm than good with his apology. Bill's probably sleeping soundly now that he got all that off his chest.
I'd try to tell DH that those people are, for the most part, in his past. And that's where the hurt from them all can stay. He doesn't have to let their transgressions continue with him.
It sounds like he might be in that stage where he's mad (and rightly so), but he doesn't want to be mad, because he realizes that he gives the situation that much more power over him if he continues to be mad... I'd give him a little time to rant or vent about it, but also encourage him to plan things so soon he'll be engrossed in a positive activity and more likely to sooner forget about the unpleasantness.