To clarify a few things... the long distance relationship was with a bf. We were not engaged or married. Not that I think that matters. But for those that want to know specifics those are the facts on that. And it was about 4.5-5 years ago that this all happened.
Also, I'm very close with this particular uncle and aunt. I would not have minded if they had asked me about it in private or heck even if they flat out asked us the first time they met him. I was younger at the time and didn't know how to handle it (though how do you ever handle something like this?) and I hadn't intended on my dh (then "other man") to come on this trip with me. My uncle and aunt already knew I was coming so I had to meet them. I mean what was I supposed to say? "Hello uncle & aunt, this is 'other man'" ?
I don't understand why it was my in laws business to know just because I did something wrong in the past. It doesn't define who I am. I don't feel I'm being treated differently so maybe they were initially shocked and got over it. I don't see them all the time though. I just felt extremely embarrassed and ashamed at the time. I'm sure everyone has something they are ashamed or embarrassed about that they would rather be kept private. And we didn't even get into the whole story obviously because that was an awkward moment that we quickly tried to move past. So it looks like I'm the bad person but my dh knew I had a bf and still pursued me as well, so we're both at fault.
I agree it's none of their business, but you made it some of the family's business by involving them. If you expect them never ever to mention anything about your visit to the rest of the family, then you are forcing them to keep a secret for you, which is unfair. It was entirely feasible that this would come out at some point in time, and yes that this might colour people's opinions of you and your DH.
Re having to visit them, yes you did, but you didn't have to bring your new man with you. It would have been easy to say to him "I'm sorry I don't think it's appropriate for you to come with me this time, the family I'm visiting know my BF and I think it's best if I don't introduce you at this stage". But as you said, you were making mistakes at the time. But the point is, you *did* introduce him to them. They know you were with him while still dating
BF. This is a situation of your own making. Is it horrible when our family find out about some of our stupid mistakes? Yes, definitely. I'd be embarassed too. But unfortunately the truth does come out sometimes. We can't expect other people to protect us from our mistakes. It's a horribly awkward situation that you find yourself in, but at this point just take the high road and move on. Accept that some people will think differently of you - there is nothing you can do to change that. But I don't think there's anything to be gained from discussing it further. After all, it really *isn't* anybody's business.