Dinner Invitation Dilemma

[still in va]

I think it's better to start without him than to have a group of potentially hangry people waiting for him.

absolutely.  it would be extremely inconsiderate to the friends who have been invited to change the timing now.

[Surianne]

I'd say you're definitely fine to start without him as long as they know the plan -- as Pame said, make it clear.  That way he can grab food on the way and just join you for dessert.

Another option if you have a bit of time after 8pm: You could offer to order something for him so it would be ready right at 8 when he gets there, if you're comfortable with that.  If the menu is available online have him pick his top 3 dishes (top 3 because whenever I look at the menu in advance, the dishes I get my heart set on are all sold out) and you can write them down and let the waitress know when you get there.  Will make things faster all around.

 

[sammycat]

5 out of the 6 members of the group are able to make it there on time.  Making everyone wait on the arrival of one person is rude to all those people.

I would start eating at 7pm as planned, and BIL can join in later if he desires.  But I'd make sure BIL and Sis knew this plan beforehand, so that he doesn't turn up expecting to find everyone still sitting at the bar, when in actual fact they're half way through the main course or whatever.

[SoCalVal]

I've gotta say I am surprised the OP's sister thinks it's perfectly okay to have five individuals sit in the bar for one hour to wait for the sixth before having dinner.  However, I totally could see my younger sister having this same expectation (since she's done similar things in the past).

[SamiHami]

The invitation is for 7. He has a previous engagement. There's nothing wrong with that, but trying to renegotiate the invitation is rude. He should simply decline. Since he didn't, I would just tell him that I was sorry he couldn't make it, and that I hope he can next time.

[gramma dishes]

It seems to me that they uninvited themselves.  They are not free for dinner that night, so they shouldn't have even accepted your invitation.  I think it's fine to say, "Oh, it's too bad you aren't available for dinner with us, we'll get together some other time when are free"

If Sister has difficulty with his joining you just for desert, then I agree with Judah.  The invitation was for 7:00.  The restaurant will be expecting to seat you around 7:00 -- at a table, not in the bar.  A later dining hour would be inconvenient for both you and your other guests. 

If they can't make it at the set time of your reservation, then they should not come.  They should graciously uninvite themselves.  But you DO need to tell her that you can't accommodate her "plan" so she and her husband can make other arrangements for that evening.

[bopper]

"That won't work for us...we have a 7:00 reservation and don't want to move it because remember that we have a hour drive back after.  Maybe BIL could join us for dessert?"

Alternatively like others say you could preorder BILs meal and have him eat when he gets there if you feel comfortable with that.

I don't think it is rude to start with out him because their choices are:

1) Don't go at all
2) Sis comes and eats with you and BIL eats when/what he can.

It would be rude if you agreed on a time and then started early.