uninvited guest for valentines day dinner

[VorFemme]

Friend gets the majority of the blame.  Husband should have told him right up front that they had a sick kid (not to mention plans for dinner & a movie for the FAMILY until the kid went to sleep - then Valentine's plans) and that this was NOT a good night for the friend to stick around.

I guarantee you that a stiff drink, steak & lobster, and no negative consequences will NOT teach him a lesson about dropping in and serving himself a drink then essentially inviting himself to dinner.

Unless he ended up getting what your kid has and "lost" the steak and lobster later that night................which would only be "justice"...................but is tough when YOU guys paid for the steak & lobster.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Kept reading - he *K*N*E*W* that you had a sick kid and that your DH was preparing a special meal for the holiday before he came over and served himself a triple (quadruple) drink?

This guy couldn't get a clue if you shot it out of a cannon into his chest................because he doesn't want to think about YOUR Valentine's Day plans, it was all about HIM and the fact that he doesn't have anyone special in HIS life.

Well, if all his dates in the past have found out that his life revolves around HIM and so must theirs..........no wonder he doesn't have an SO at the moment. 

Snarky and Evil are sputtering...........strep is contagious - the guy will probably blame you guys when he gets sick and wonder why nobody is taking care of him after you all gave him strep (along with the steak & lobster dinner and whatever he drank).  Because it's all YOUR fault...............

[June24]

I put the blame almost completely on the friend. It's rude to be so completely oblivious that you not only forget that it's Valentine's day, but also fail to realize that steak and lobster is a special couple's meal. It's true that not all couples celebrate Valentine's, but in the absence of clear evidence to the contrary, one should assume that a couple cooking steak and lobster on the day is planning on a romantic evening. Social cluelessness may not be deliberate, but that doesn't mean that it's not rude.  It's also rude to pour yourself such a stiff drink that you can't drive for hours afterwards.

OP, since you were annoyed, you could have easily told the friend that it was time for your special Valentine's dinner with your dh. If he couldn't drive, you could've called him a cab (at his expense). There was no need for you to seethe in a separate room all night. Your dh also should have let him know that it was time to leave.

ETA: It's most probable that the friend realized that he was ruining your plans, but didn't care because he didn't want to spend the evening alone.

ETA: Having read the update, I would cool the relationship with this guy, and have a very serious talk with my dh. I wouldn't want someone so selfish in my house again.

[Winterlight]

I think DH needs to have a talk with this friend, and there should be some distancing going on.

[etiquetteE]

I agree with PP's.  This guy purposely intruded on your valentine's day plans and was unapologetic about doing so.  It's time for some serious boundaries with this friend.  No more drop ins, move the alcohol, rethink the friendship; he showed very little respect for you, your sick daughter and your family dynamics. 

Sorry your Valentine's Day didn't turn out as you had hoped. 

[darkprincess]

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded. The "guest" has been talked to and steps have been put in place to stop future incidents.

[jedikaiti]

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded. The "guest" has been talked to and steps have been put in place to stop future incidents.

I hope those steps include some reimbursement for the (presumably somewhat pricey) dinner he ruined. If he doesn't at least offer up a shamefaced apology and a bottle of really expensive booze to replace what he guzzled, he'd be persona non grata in my life.

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

And ?? How did he react?

[TiredMum]

I'm so mad on your behalf at the jerk, 

PODing Vorfemme

This guy need to make amends!

[darkprincess]

I recognize that sometimes amends will not be made and I need to accept that, move forward, and take steps to not let this or similar things happen in the future.

I count this as a life lesson.

On a side note on a more recent occasion he has come over univited to find us not home. He called at our front porch. We were out to a nice dinner and DH did not answer the call or text  He also learned a lesson. We came home to find him on the porch, in the rain, soaking wet. I think our friend needs a few more life lessons before he will get it, but it will no longer be at my expense.

[SoCalVal]

We came home to find him on the porch, in the rain, soaking wet.

So, it's also safe to assume that this grown man doesn't even have enough sense to get out of the rain...?

[CuriousParty]

We came home to find him on the porch, in the rain, soaking wet.

So, it's also safe to assume that this grown man doesn't even have enough sense to get out of the rain...?

I think that's established fact, rather than an assumption, at this point...

[KenveeB]

There's something seriously off with this guy. Why would he stick around in the rain when he found out you weren't home instead of just going home? He was making a point of "you abandoned me, look what happened."

[Tiamet]

There's something seriously off with this guy. Why would he stick around in the rain when he found out you weren't home instead of just going home? He was making a point of "you abandoned me, look what happened."

I agree with this.  This is bizarre behaviour.  If I visit someone and they aren't home, I either leave again or possibly wait a short time if we have definite arrangements.

I don't show up without calling and then get drenched to the skin waiting for hours to 'show them what they did to me' which is what this person appears to have done.

Unless you can provide a very good reason why he didn't leave when you and your DH weren't in, this is almost crossing into stalker territory (please note I said almost - I don't think he is there, but he's approaching at speed).

[lowspark]

He came over, unannounced and univited, AFTER he'd been talked to?

Because sorry, but that's still crossing the line. He needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, that he must always call before coming and even then he doesn't need to make a habit of coming over uninvited.

What if you had been home that rainy night? Would he have then come in and invited himself to dinner? Hung around drinking your liquor? etc.

Valentine's day or not, you and your family have a right to privacy and intimacy (meaning evenings where it's just the three of you). His dropping by whenever he feels like it is not ok unless it just happens once in a blue moon.

[CreteGirl]

Standing on the front porch in the rain waiting for you to get home is so strange.  I would be so uncomfortable with this, that I would never allow him to come by uninvited again.