uninvited guest for valentines day dinner

[MacadamiaNut]

Was he going through something?  Some sort of turmoil that he needed to talk over with someone?  OR Was he worried about you guys after DH didn't answer the call or the text and therefore decided to wait and make sure you were okay?

If it's not something like the above, I'd be even more concerned that friend either lacks common sense or is having some other more serious issues that he should maybe seek outside help for.  Not too many people would just stay out in the rain like that... other than in the movies for dramatic effect.

[SoCalVal]

Not too many people would just stay out in the rain like that... other than in the movies for dramatic effect.

Sorry, I had this image of the OP and her DH finding him out on their porch in the rain a la Bridges of Madison County.

[MacadamiaNut]

Not too many people would just stay out in the rain like that... other than in the movies for dramatic effect.

Sorry, I had this image of the OP and her DH finding him out on their porch in the rain a la Bridges of Madison County.

It really is just that bizarre that you can only imagine it happening in the movies!

[doodlemor]

Was this a romantic dinner, darkprincess, or did you take your child along?  Did this person know that you and DH had dinner plans, but not the location?

This man does seem creepy and bizarre.  I POD those who find him stalkerish.

Tiamet brought up an interesting point with this statement:

*Substitute a woman for a man doing this and I think there would be a strong suspicion she was moving in on the DH.*

If Tiamet is right, and he does have a *crush* on DH, it will be even harder to disentangle from the friendship.  *Now I'm not saying that this is a given.*  However such a scenario would change the way that you and DH need to deal with him.

[Redsoil]

This guy sounds overly needy, insensitive and (from what I can tell by what's written), an emotional vampire.  You and DH have a life together, the "friend" is peripheral to this - he needs to start understanding the meaning of boundaries!  What does your DH actually get out of the friendship?  Is it in any way equal?  Ot is he basically a babysitter for this bloke?

[darkprincess]

The guy is bored, overly needy, still lives with his mother and needs to make more friends. He doesn't like to be at home so finds ways to go elsewhere. We live within walking distance of several other common friends, It seems none of them were home and he had called everyone and was waiting to see who would come home first. We have the biggest porch, not that big and no dog in the yard so he picked our to wait in. By the way we did not let him in the house, we told him we were in the middle of something and we would see him later.

I am not worrying about stalking, he just hasn't grown up yet. He does have several good qualities and is usually fun to be around. When people don't understand and have not been taught polite and normal behavior I find that I have to make firmer boundaries than I have to be with others. Sometimes this will be the way they learn.

[Curly Wurly Doggie Breath]

Is he receptive to correcting ? or reluctant ?.

[doodlemor]

I'm so relieved to hear that this guy is just a clueless, immature type, darkprincess. 

It sounds like you have a good handle on the situation now.  It sounds like being *directive* to him is the way to go.  Maybe he will learn from you.  Best of luck in maintaining your future boundaries!

[LEMon]

Congratulations for sending him on and not letting him in after his wait in the rain.  Just make sure you and DH are on the same page.  United boundaries make for a strong and healthy marriage.