Shouldn't She Call Me?

[QueenofAllThings]

The King has a referral source (a gentleman who sends lucrative business his way) and, as sometimes happens, this gentleman wants to take the King and me out to dinner (with his wife) - their treat. I have met the gentleman once or twice. I have not met his wife.

So, fine. A business dinner. No prob.

Except that the gentleman gave the King his wife's cell number and said "Have your wife call her".

I find this weird. They are inviting us. I have never met this woman. I get that it's an old school "have the girls arrange it" thing, but shouldn't she be calling me to invite me? I mean, I'll do it - business is business - but it's odd, isn't it?

[lady_disdain]

Very odd. It also feels rather dismissive, doesn't it? Oh, well. As you said, it is business and the King isn't going to offend his referral source because of this.

[chibichan]

I find it a bit odd , but Hubby could be one of those people who leaves the social arrangements to his other half .

My ex would make conflicting plans constantly because he :

1) Was incapable of saying No to any and all invitations from various friends and family .

2) Had no concept of time . Dinner with Fred and Ethel ? Sure ! Then a movie with the Simpsons ? OK ! Joe wants to meet up for cocktails ? Sounds good !  - All of this on a single weeknight , when we both started work at 6:00 AM the next day.

3) Routinely accepted invites , then promptly forgot them until roughly 30 minutes before we were due to be there .

I put my foot down the day I discovered that we were expected at a christening , a company picnic , dinner with his parents , his nephew's Little League game and a buddy's birthday party all on the same day .

Clueless , he wuz .... .

Until the day we parted ways , all invitations extended to him were RSVP'd with " I'll have Chibi get back to you on that ."

I say go ahead and call her . Tell her that her husband passed on the phone # . You can express your delight at finally getting to meet the DW such a __________ friend of your husband's . ( I left the adjective up to you !)

Let her know that her DH mentioned dinner . She will probably take it from there .

Also , speaking from experience , the King should find out if Friend's wife is aware you will be calling .  That way you don't have to picture her holding the phone at arm's length and muttering " Who the hey is this , and how did she get our number ? "

[O'Dell]

Well you've already been invited. Now the guy wants the 2 "ladies" to hash out the details. He chose the easiest route *for him* to get you in contact with each other. Certainly not rude. And odd...maybe in some circles.

It's going to be an awkward phone call if he forgot to mention it to his wife! Prepare for that just in case.

[lady_disdain]

Well you've already been invited. Now the guy wants the 2 "ladies" to hash out the details. He chose the easiest route *for him* to get you in contact with each other. Certainly not rude. And odd...maybe in some circles.

It's going to be an awkward phone call if he forgot to mention it to his wife! Prepare for that just in case.

That is why I think it is rude - it may create an awkward situation. He should have asked his wife to call, not have Queen call.

[hobish]

Well you've already been invited. Now the guy wants the 2 "ladies" to hash out the details. He chose the easiest route *for him* to get you in contact with each other. Certainly not rude. And odd...maybe in some circles.

It's going to be an awkward phone call if he forgot to mention it to his wife! Prepare for that just in case.

That is why I think it is rude - it may create an awkward situation. He should have asked his wife to call, not have Queen call.

Exactly.

[Hmmmmm]

I agree that the norm would have been for the inviting party to contact you.  However, I have found that many people do not like giving out their phone numbers and therefore, I've become reluctant to request numbers.  So instead lots of time I'll provide mine with a please give me a call when convienient or "here's DH's phone number.  I'll let him know you'll give him a call to arrange that golf game. 

[rigs32]

If I were in your shoes, I would tell the King no way was I making that phone call.  He could 1) make the phone call himself or 2) arrange the event directly with the contact.

[Yvaine]

I put my foot down the day I discovered that we were expected at a christening , a company picnic , dinner with his parents , his nephew's Little League game and a buddy's birthday party all on the same day .

  I think I lived with your ex for a while!

[Bibliophile]

I'm having a hard time finding it rude to request you to call his wife when he sends your husband lucrative business AND is buying dinner.  Maybe a bit odd, but I wouldn't dream of telling my DH that I wasn't going to call.  You don't offend people who send your husband lots of business and then want to treat you to dinner.

[Luci45]

Yup, it's odd. The hosts should do the contacting and inviting! Or the men should have just consulted the wives and made the plans. It sounds so entitled to call and say, "When are you taking us out to dinner?", although I know you would be a whole lot more gracious than that!

chibichan, you situation is so beyond my understanding that I'm sitting here with a major, "Huh? No way a person would do that."

[lowspark]

Yeah, it's odd. But whatcha gonna do? Maybe this is just how this guy operates.

It might be an awkward conversation at first, but once you introduce yourself and make it clear that her husband requested that you call her, then you can get around to saying something about how he asked you to get with her to organize going out to dinner together. You don't have to say, "you're taking us out to dinner. when and where should we show up?" Really, you don't need to mention who is buying at all. Just that her husband asked for you to call her to collaborate on arranging a dinner out together. Even if she has no clue about it all, she probably knows her husband well enough to understand the situation.

[Irishkitty]

It's odd because the OP has not met the person she's going to call.

A lot of couples leave the "social organising" to their other half. It's quite possible that he is one of those who leaves it to his wife. IE: he has not problem inviting them out, but da missus is in charge of the calendar. He likely thinks that the King is the same way. Hence leaving it to the women.

I guess the reason he gave his wifes number rather than ask for Queens number was awkwardness. Much easier to say "here's my wife's number, lets let the wives sort out a date/time/place" rather than "Can I have your wifes number to set this up?".

And I agree with lowspark - just ring, introduce yourself as wife of King and say "your husband asked me to call and work out a suitable date for us to have dinner".

[gellchom]

I put my foot down the day I discovered that we were expected at a christening , a company picnic , dinner with his parents , his nephew's Little League game and a buddy's birthday party all on the same day .

  I think I lived with your ex for a while!

He may have been clueless, but he sure wasn't unpopular.

[lady_disdain]

I'm having a hard time finding it rude to request you to call his wife when he sends your husband lucrative business AND is buying dinner.  Maybe a bit odd, but I wouldn't dream of telling my DH that I wasn't going to call.  You don't offend people who send your husband lots of business and then want to treat you to dinner.

No one is saying Queen should refuse to call or that she should offend them. No matter how much business he sends King's way, there are still social niceties. Would it be all right if this man ate with his mouth open or passed gas at the table during the dinner he was treating them to? I don't think so.

It is part of life having to handle awkward situations other people have put us in. We do so politely.