Shouldn't She Call Me?

[QueenofAllThings]

UPDATE:

So I called. On the Awkward meter, it rated about a 5. Fortunately, her husband had remembered to tell her, so she knew my name and was expecting the call. Unfortunately, she was on her cell (the only number I was given) and was out and about, so couldn't really talk - slightly awkward, but she did choose to answer the phone.

Anyway. I wasn't worried about handling it - I'm a grownup, after all - but still it think it was a weird way to go about it.

Lady Disdain, I think  Bibliophile was addressing another poster that suggested I not call; I don't think she was addressing me.

[lady_disdain]

Ooops - sorry!

I really shouldn't do 3 things at once.

[Ms_Cellany]

Ooops - sorry!

I really shouldn't do 3 things at once.

Overbooked yourself a bit, there?

[lady_disdain]

Just a bit

[jpcher]

UPDATE:

So I called. On the Awkward meter, it rated about a 5. Fortunately, her husband had remembered to tell her, so she knew my name and was expecting the call. Unfortunately, she was on her cell (the only number I was given) and was out and about, so couldn't really talk - slightly awkward, but she did choose to answer the phone.

Anyway. I wasn't worried about handling it - I'm a grownup, after all - but still it think it was a weird way to go about it.

Lady Disdain, I think  Bibliophile was addressing another poster that suggested I not call; I don't think she was addressing me.

I do think it's a bit odd for the invitee to call the hostess to arrange an event.

But, then again, it was really a request for an RSVP, wasn't it?

King was given the invitation. Host gave him a number for Queen to call back and respond.

The only awkward thing is that it wasn't a set-in-stone invite. As in it wasn't these are the plans, this date/place/time, will you be there or not? Not the usual invite, but an invite nonetheless and something that needed to be RSVP'd to.


Queen -- if you are willing, I'd like to hear more details concerning the conversation with the hostess. Did you discuss a date when you could get together? Did she ask you about preferences as to restaurant, time, etc.? Did she have a plan? Was she willing to work around your schedule?

I know you said she was out and about . . . Just curious. 



No, I don't think that anybody was rude. It was just an unusual situation.

[QueenofAllThings]

She just said that she was looking forward to meeting me, didn't have calendar with her, and did I have any dates in mind? I said any Friday/Saturday in March was open (at the moment) and she could get back to me.

[SamiHami]

If I were in your shoes, I would tell the King no way was I making that phone call.  He could 1) make the phone call himself or 2) arrange the event directly with the contact.

Parking my POD right here. If the colleague wants to invite you to dinner, then he/his spouse must contact you to make the arrangements. I wouldn't consider calling for one second. If the king feels it important, then he can be the one to make the call/arrangements.

[June24]

If I were in your shoes, I would tell the King no way was I making that phone call.  He could 1) make the phone call himself or 2) arrange the event directly with the contact.

Parking my POD right here. If the colleague wants to invite you to dinner, then he/his spouse must contact you to make the arrangements. I wouldn't consider calling for one second. If the king feels it important, then he can be the one to make the call/arrangements.

Just curious - why not? It seems like an odd request and has the potential to become slightly uncomfortable, but it doesn't seem hugely objectionable to me. However, the business associate was slightly rude to create an uncomfortable situation. It's like he's too important to handle his own scheduling, so he lets his "secretary" handle it.  If I were his boss or in a position to influence his career, I would find it weird and it would impact my opinion of him unfavorably. But since he's giving your dh business, I'd go along with it.

ETA: I'd be more inclined to be understanding if this were a purely social situation between friends - I've known some couples where one half handles the scheduling. But in a business situation, I expect my contacts to be competent and organized enough to check their own schedule and get back to me. Unless they're really important and/or are doing me a favor by meeting with me, in which case they may tell me to set it up with their secretary. An actual secretary, not their wife. That seems unprofessional.

[Bibliophile]

Lady Disdain, I think  Bibliophile was addressing another poster that suggested I not call; I don't think she was addressing me.

No, it was in response to Lady Disdain saying the request was rude.  I don't find the request rude, just odd.

[LifeOnPluto]

I think the Business Associate was rude, for two reasons:

1) He assumed that the wife would automatically be the one to manage the social/business engagements (including those of her husband's). Maybe that's the way it works in his household, and that's fine. But it was very presumptuous of him to assume that Queen and her DH operate the same way.

2) Unwittingly or not, he put Queen in a very uncomfortable position. I think most people would feel pretty awkward calling someone whom they've never met before (myself included). Especially if it was to essentially ask them "So when are you taking us out to dinner?"

I agree with June24's comment - to me it smacks of him treating the wives as his secretaries.

[Sirius]

I see it as a sort of "Have your people call my people" type of thing, which is okay if it's a PA or secretary but not really okay when it's a spouse (in my not-so-humble opinion).  The inviter should do the contacting, not the invitee.  While Mr. Sirius has had to be taught to put things on the calendar (after an incident where he forgot to tell me he had to work late to drive for a field trip and didn't get home until after 9 p.m. and I was about to call the police) he is now good about doing so.