Pictures of the Ex

[RingTailedLemur]

I guess I'm the odd one out then.  My DH and I burned them.

Slowly.

[JillyJ]

I guess I'm the odd one out then.  My DH and I burned them.

Slowly.

That's fine, too, as long as it was a mutually agreed upon decision that you were both OK with. 

[RingTailedLemur]

I guess I'm the odd one out then.  My DH and I burned them.

Slowly.

That's fine, too, as long as it was a mutually agreed upon decision that you were both OK with.

Yes, we had fun!

[Shoo]

I'd toss them - I think that's more cathartic. I only want photos of people I currently care about.

That's how I felt after my divorce.  I was so sick to death of my exhusband, that if I had to see his face one more time, even just in a photo, I would lose my mind.  So I got rid of every single photo I could find, and only kept wedding pictures that were of my friends and family that he wasn't in.

I have never regretted it.

[Dindrane]

It sounded to me as though mbbored was planning on keeping them because she didn't think she should throw them away.  I didn't get the impression that she thought she should get rid of them but wanted to keep them.  I could, of course, be wrong, but it doesn't really matter in the end.  If she wants them, she shouldn't feel bad about keeping them.  If she doesn't want them, she shouldn't feel any guilt about throwing them away.

Dindrane, you are so sweet to remember my history with my ex, which ended almost 4 years ago (wow!) Also, you perfectly summarized what I felt. I hate wasting things and throwing them away, but I don't have value for the couple-y pictures. I've set aside some group shots to send to a mutual friend of ours (she's terrible about taking pictures and sometimes asks me to forward on photos) but I don't see her having any use for pics of just me and my ex hugging.

I think that if you place no value on the pictures, you should not feel guilty about getting rid of as many as you feel you want to.  I hereby give you permission.   But in all seriousness, I have a hard time letting go of stuff like that, too, but I rarely regret it when I get rid of things that I don't actually value.  The trick for me now is finding a reliable way to determine what actually holds value for me -- I am often inclined to be far too generous about that just because I hate throwing things out.

[QueenofAllThings]

Scan them and chuck the hard copies. Easy to get rid of computer files in the future if you choose to. I also think it's less threatening to a new relationship than a special box o' pictures in the closet.

I have some old photos of former boyfriends in old albums. Doesn't bother the King at all - bothers me a little bit, but I don't feel like pulling albums apart.

[Black Delphinium]

That's why suggested  scanning them and tossing the hard copies. You can feel "less" guilty about tossing them, and maybe, someday, someone will have an interest in them.

[WillyNilly]

I tend to sort, much like OP, and toss the couple ones. I get uncomfortable seeing the couple-y ones and see no reason to hold on to them. I know some people think its weird or wrong or something to throw away photos of people, but I don't. I'm not throwing away the person or the memory, simply the relationship part; sure it happened, but I've moved on.

Basically I focus on remembering the broad memory and edit out the "ex" detail. My trip to Ireland, not my trip to Ireland with ex. The trip I what I want to remember, the ex being there is merely a detail. Millenium New Years with my friends in the cabin, not Millenium New Years with ex and friends - he was merely one of many people I interacted with that night.

[rachellenore]

I don't have any physical photos taken after 1998. If I did, I would keep the ones of any exes in a box somewhere and forget about it, but still keep them relatively safe (not just scattered around in a drawer waiting to be scratched and ruined).

As for digital photos, I nest them inside another differently-named main folder where I won't be reminded of their existence, but will know where to find them if I ever have a reason to recall those memories. There's nothing wrong with preserving the past, as long as it's not being dwelt on.

[lolane]

I actually went through a lot of pictures recently.

Wedding pictures and some couple pictures that were of important events/places - Kept electronically and got rid of the hard copies. We didn't have children, but I might have kept some hard copies of the wedding pictures if we did.

Couple pictures of non-important events/places - Destroyed

Couples of just him - Depending on what the picture was I destroyed them or I offered them back to him.

[Raintree]

I keep everything. Some are in albums, some are loose, all are in boxes that I occasionally look at if I'm going through boxes. It's a history of my life, and I don't want to throw away any old photos of my life. But that's just me; I know everyone's different.

As for scanning them, seems like a rather time-consuming task to sit and scan photos of your ex. There's stuff I do want to scan, and it's not photos of any ex. And I can't even seem to get around to doing that.

[sammycat]

I don't think there's any right of wrong way to deal with this.  The variety of responses/actions by posters have shown that what works for one person may not be the way forward for another.

One suggestion - if the picture contains a particularly nice shot of yourself, could you cut the ex out and just keep the part that you are in?  If you do scrapbooking, a montage of photos just of yourself is a good way to do a page "Celebrating Me" or something.

[LEMon]

I can understand the 'physical things are hard to get rid of' mindset.  Our house has stuff/junk that is only here because it was given to us by someone we care about, and I just haven't reached the 'why am I keeping this?  I can remember them just fine without something cluttering up my space' point where the things then leave the house permanently.

What you need to ask is more the 'why do I want to keep them?'  What would happen if you kept them?  What would happen if you threw them away?  How would you feel about both scenarios?  Will you ever really want to look at those particular shots again?  Or are you just holding on to them because they exist (i.e. no emotional value, just hard to let go)?

[floridamom]

I went thru that same thing last year.  My ex and I have been divorced for a year now but seperated almost 3 yrs ago.  (Bitter and nasty and still on going custody battle.. need I say more  LOL)  Any hoo,  what I did was I spent several days going thru a trunk full of pictures (18 yrs worth)  I sorted out what I thought my 12 yr old son might want.  There were pictures of him and his father and paternal family members. Plus there were pictures of us as a family in the happier days.  I saved them for my son including our wedding album.  I have them tucked away in a storage tote when he is ready for them.  Then he can do with what he wants with them.  The rest of the pictures I threw away.  No regrets.  It was time for me to throw out the trash in my life.  My new husband wanted to hang the pics on the wall and throw darts, but I felt it wasn't fair for the darts;)  LOL

[heathert]

I guess I'm the odd one out then.  My DH and I burned them.

Slowly.

I wish I would've done that. In the end, I just threw them away but why my ex thought I would even *want* them, I have no clue. I just got mailed an envelope with them in it.