Author Topic: Communication issue & need perspective  (Read 15021 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5787
Re: Communication issue & need perspective
« Reply #120 on: February 27, 2012, 04:41:18 PM »
The compromise on two nights, but home in time for bed, seems fair to me as long as the OP gets two of her own nights free.  I don't know that I'd jump straight to emotionally abusive.  It sounds like he's still working on his communication skills and they're not going to magically become perfect overnight -- it takes time.  Perhaps he thought at first that one night would be enough, but then found his needs changed.  I hope the OP too would be able to bring up a possible change and discuss it with her husband if she felt she needed one, rather than stick to the original plan and feel stifled.

I think the emotionally abusive part comes in where he wouldn't let it go until she agreed that she was satisfied and wouldn't bring it up again.

Yup. The history here, per the other thread, is that CB's husband does what he wants, when he wants, including but not limited to doing absolutely nothing at all. CB is allowed to either accept this with a hug and a smile or be upset about it IF she can be upset quietly and alone so that he isn't bothered by it. If she "fails" at this and he becomes aware that she is upset then HE gets mad and she is to blame for upsetting him, which is totally legit and worth discussing for however long it takes until she realizes she was wrong to ever be upset and apologizes.

CakeBeret

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4242
Re: Communication issue & need perspective
« Reply #121 on: February 27, 2012, 04:46:25 PM »
The compromise on two nights, but home in time for bed, seems fair to me as long as the OP gets two of her own nights free.  I don't know that I'd jump straight to emotionally abusive.  It sounds like he's still working on his communication skills and they're not going to magically become perfect overnight -- it takes time.  Perhaps he thought at first that one night would be enough, but then found his needs changed.  I hope the OP too would be able to bring up a possible change and discuss it with her husband if she felt she needed one, rather than stick to the original plan and feel stifled.

I think the emotionally abusive part comes in where he wouldn't let it go until she agreed that she was satisfied and wouldn't bring it up again.

Yup. The history here, per the other thread, is that CB's husband does what he wants, when he wants, including but not limited to doing absolutely nothing at all. CB is allowed to either accept this with a hug and a smile or be upset about it IF she can be upset quietly and alone so that he isn't bothered by it. If she "fails" at this and he becomes aware that she is upset then HE gets mad and she is to blame for upsetting him, which is totally legit and worth discussing for however long it takes until she realizes she was wrong to ever be upset and apologizes.

This made me laugh but it's also appallingly true.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Ticia

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 2406
Re: Communication issue & need perspective
« Reply #122 on: February 27, 2012, 05:10:27 PM »
With all sympathies to the OP, this is not an etiquette issue. Best of luck.

Edited to add: If you'd like me to move this to the "I need a hug" folder, please PM me and I'll do that.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2012, 05:12:49 PM by Ticia »
Utah