Author Topic: Used It In Class Today  (Read 27012 times)

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Jones

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2012, 03:20:50 PM »

I can't get my head around anybody thinking it's okay to make comments on someone's medication.

This precisely.  POD.

Ditto! And DM, I think you response was perfect.

Deetee

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #16 on: February 24, 2012, 04:39:32 PM »
Quote
Isn't the point of this phrase to shut someone down when they're being rude?  That's what I did and I don't think I did anything wrong at all.  If this was not a good time to use this phrase then I don't know when is.

I thought I was clear that this is fine assuming that you want to shut someone down so they don't speak to you again unless they have to.

If you feel the comment was so awful that you want nothing to do with that person ever again, it is very effective and you used it completely correctly.

Twik

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #17 on: February 24, 2012, 04:41:26 PM »
I think he made an awkward, rude, and uncalled-for statement, but I think the interesting assumption was yours in thinking he actually meant to imply you were dealing drugs (even the prescription kind).

His statement might have been better met with silence and an eye roll.

I think it's scarcely an interesting assumption that what one says is what one means. Sometimes, yes, dry humour may be misunderstood, but if people can't pull it off, it's not the receiver's fault.
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Onyx_TKD

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #18 on: February 24, 2012, 04:46:32 PM »
I don't think Dark Magdalena's response was out of line at all, and I don't think there is any obligation to be nice (rather than just civil) in response to an unwelcome/offensive joke, just because it was a joke. IMO, joking about someone being a drug dealer is definitely a know-your-audience joke. That's the kind of joke I might make to a like-minded friend, but probably not in a public place and definitely not to a stranger.

Also, YMMV, but I have only heard the phrasing "_______, much?" used in a snarky, sarcastic, or downright hostile sense, or as mockery of someone who does use the phrase in those unpleasant senses. That phrasing alone would make me think this was not an innocent, friendly joke intended to laugh with Dark Magdalena, but rather an attempt to make fun of her.

Twik

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #19 on: February 24, 2012, 05:01:27 PM »
Quote
Isn't the point of this phrase to shut someone down when they're being rude?  That's what I did and I don't think I did anything wrong at all.  If this was not a good time to use this phrase then I don't know when is.

I thought I was clear that this is fine assuming that you want to shut someone down so they don't speak to you again unless they have to.

If you feel the comment was so awful that you want nothing to do with that person ever again, it is very effective and you used it completely correctly.

I'd say that a stranger who started by conversation by accusing me of committing a felony would be someone I would want nothing to do with.

"It was just a joke!" is not an excuse for behaving boorishly. If one insists on making jokes that offend people, it is one's responsibility to apologize as soon as one realizes it, not to take offense oneself that they've been offended. A reaction like this:

Quote
If it was me that made the (lame) joke, I know that I would never talk to you again if I could help because it would be obvious to me that you hated me.

strikes me as a vast overreaction. You are saying that you would be mortally offended because you have offended someone, and they let you know it. I'm afraid I don't think I can see any personal responsibility for your own lack of judgment in the initial offense here, only an expectation that if you offend people that they are obligated to pretend that you didn't.
« Last Edit: February 24, 2012, 05:05:47 PM by Twik »
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Deetee

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2012, 05:12:11 PM »
Quote
Isn't the point of this phrase to shut someone down when they're being rude?  That's what I did and I don't think I did anything wrong at all.  If this was not a good time to use this phrase then I don't know when is.

I thought I was clear that this is fine assuming that you want to shut someone down so they don't speak to you again unless they have to.

If you feel the comment was so awful that you want nothing to do with that person ever again, it is very effective and you used it completely correctly.

I'd say that a stranger who started by conversation by accusing me of committing a felony would be someone I would want nothing to do with.

"It was just a joke!" is not an excuse for behaving boorishly. If one insists on making jokes that offend people, it is one's responsibility to apologize as soon as one realizes it, not to take offense oneself that they've been offended. A reaction like this:

Quote
If it was me that made the (lame) joke, I know that I would never talk to you again if I could help because it would be obvious to me that you hated me.

strikes me as a vast overreaction. You are saying that you would be mortally offended because you have offended someone, and they let you know it. I'm afraid I don't think I can see any personal responsibility for your own lack of judgment in the initial offense here, only an expectation that if you offend people that they are obligated to pretend that you didn't.

I agree with all comments above. Well obviously I agree with my own comments, but I agree with yours (Twik) as well.

IF the comment is offensive enough that you want nothing to do with the person, then it was the effective reponse.

We won't reach consensus on whether or not it was offensive enough because it will vary widely between people and the type of situations we imagine ourselves in. But that doesn't matter.

If DM felt it was bad enough that she wanted nothing to do with the person, it was completely appropriate. Myself and the other poster are saying it is extremely effective at making sure the person goes away.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #21 on: February 24, 2012, 09:37:52 PM »
Quote
Isn't the point of this phrase to shut someone down when they're being rude?  That's what I did and I don't think I did anything wrong at all.  If this was not a good time to use this phrase then I don't know when is.

I thought I was clear that this is fine assuming that you want to shut someone down so they don't speak to you again unless they have to.

If you feel the comment was so awful that you want nothing to do with that person ever again, it is very effective and you used it completely correctly.

Sorry, that was directed specifically at you.  I just meant the posters saying I was borderline rude myself or the likes.  I was confused by that outlook because I thought I used the phrase perfectly.  Sorry for the confusion.
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emwithme

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #22 on: February 25, 2012, 01:32:22 PM »
I have had this several times.  I have ME & Fibromyalgia and on a good day I take 20 tablets (9 during the day and 11 at night). 

I must admit that, unless it's someone who knows me very well, my snark-o-meter hits 11 automatically.

Previous conversations have gone (something like)

OP: That's a lot of pills
Me: Yes, it is, unfortunately.
OP: You don't need all those pills (sometimes followed by: At your age)
Me: I do, you should see me without them.

***

OP: What a lot of tablets you have there.
Me: Yes, I'm like a walking pharmacy.
OP: Why do you take all those tablets?
Me: Because my doctor prescribed them ( ::))

I just get annoyed because mine is mainly an invisible disability, and I'm relatively young (and otherwise healthy-ish), and people don't realise that most days I'm in pain from waking to sleeping.

Hollanda

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #23 on: February 25, 2012, 03:39:32 PM »
I have had this several times.  I have ME & Fibromyalgia and on a good day I take 20 tablets (9 during the day and 11 at night). 

I must admit that, unless it's someone who knows me very well, my snark-o-meter hits 11 automatically.

Previous conversations have gone (something like)

OP: That's a lot of pills
Me: Yes, it is, unfortunately.
OP: You don't need all those pills (sometimes followed by: At your age)
Me: I do, you should see me without them.

***

OP: What a lot of tablets you have there.
Me: Yes, I'm like a walking pharmacy.
OP: Why do you take all those tablets?
Me: Because my doctor prescribed them ( ::))

I just get annoyed because mine is mainly an invisible disability, and I'm relatively young (and otherwise healthy-ish), and people don't realise that most days I'm in pain from waking to sleeping.

I POD. Seriously. When I was younger I had a viral infection that wiped me out. I was not myself for a year and after extensive tests, and me still being in serious muscular pain, my Dr told me I had fibromyalgia. Cue comments from people I didn't even know...

"But that's a made-up disease!"
"You shouldn't be tired at your age!"
"You'll get hooked on those drugs!"
"Taking those tablets will stop you having babies!"

The drugs were painkillers, mostly, and Ibuprofen/codeine to relieve inflammation. I was weaned off the drugs and had some physiotherapy. Seriously, where do other people get off making comments about someone else's medication? I was rendered speechless by other people's assumptions!!!
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Twik

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #24 on: February 25, 2012, 08:22:59 PM »
Quote
Isn't the point of this phrase to shut someone down when they're being rude?  That's what I did and I don't think I did anything wrong at all.  If this was not a good time to use this phrase then I don't know when is.

I thought I was clear that this is fine assuming that you want to shut someone down so they don't speak to you again unless they have to.

If you feel the comment was so awful that you want nothing to do with that person ever again, it is very effective and you used it completely correctly.

The point of "interesting assumption" is that it is *not* supposed to shut someone down and out of your life forever. If someone wanted to do that, they could actually say, "Get away from me, you horrible person".

What about "that's an interesting assumption" makes you feel people "hate" you and offends *you* to the point that you would never speak to them again?
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Mental Magpie

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #25 on: February 25, 2012, 08:26:05 PM »
Quote
Isn't the point of this phrase to shut someone down when they're being rude?  That's what I did and I don't think I did anything wrong at all.  If this was not a good time to use this phrase then I don't know when is.

I thought I was clear that this is fine assuming that you want to shut someone down so they don't speak to you again unless they have to.

If you feel the comment was so awful that you want nothing to do with that person ever again, it is very effective and you used it completely correctly.

The point of "interesting assumption" is that it is *not* supposed to shut someone down and out of your life forever. If someone wanted to do that, they could actually say, "Get away from me, you horrible person".

What about "that's an interesting assumption" makes you feel people "hate" you and offends *you* to the point that you would never speak to them again?

I don't know if you're responding to me or Deetee, but I want to clarify that by "shut down" I meant to shut him/her down from that line of conversation, not forever.
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Surianne

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #26 on: February 26, 2012, 12:08:48 PM »
I don't know if you're responding to me or Deetee, but I want to clarify that by "shut down" I meant to shut him/her down from that line of conversation, not forever.

I would have definitely taken it as a clear warning to never speak to you again.  "What an interesting assumption" is a very snarky phrase, so my interpretation would be that I offended you greatly with the joke and, I'd think it was safer to just make sure I stay away from you in the future. 

So if you're fine with that, great!  It sounds like you two aren't compatible at all.  But if you do think you'd have a reason to talk to him in the future, about class or whatever, then it's probably best to make a mental note that you'll need to be the first to speak, and keep it as friendly and light-hearted as possible.

TurtleDove

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #27 on: February 26, 2012, 12:48:53 PM »
I'm with Surianne. I think the OP's response was snarky, especially because she knew the classmate was trying to make small talk and was not actually accusing her of anything, let alone making a citizen's arrest for drug dealing as some posters have extended the fallacy. If it were me, and yhe OP had responded to me in that way, I would make a mental note of "DM is hyperdefensive and lacks the social awareness to differentiate an accusation if felonious activity from lighthearted small talk." I am not saying DM is "wrong" for not seeing the humor in the commentary, though I found it funny personally. I am saying her reaction made her seem hyperdefensive for some reason, and I would steer clear of her because I would not want to "engage the crazy" as they say, and to me a snarky response to ancomment even the OP knew was a joke seems crazy.

Twik

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #28 on: February 26, 2012, 02:40:58 PM »
The point of "that is an interesting assumption" is that it is NOT intended to be snarky. It is a neutral statement, meant to disengage. If that's "hyperdefensive", I dont' know what you'd call someone saying straight out, "I'm not a drug dealer, and I find what you said offensive." A declaration of war, perhaps?

If you know enough from this site to consider it snarky, you should know enough to not to be commenting on other people's medical conditions, nor accusing people you don't know, even in jest, of being felons. If I have to carry medication around with me, I don't want to have to be defending myself against accusations of being a drug dealer (and however hilarious you find that, there actually are drug dealers out there, and people can easily find themselves accused for real of being one if they don't take steps to counteract gossip).

I find it very strange that the person who makes the offensive remark in the first place is entitled to storm off raging because they were told, simply, "that's an interesting assumption". That, to me, is "the crazy" that I would be happy not to engage.

"It was just a joke," is the feeblest excuse that can be given for being obnoxious to other people. If you then get your nose out of joint because someone tries a disengage statement on you, you're the one who is hyperdefensive. You should be apologizing for your actions, not raging because, oh my goodness, someone didn't appreciate your humour.
« Last Edit: February 26, 2012, 02:42:40 PM by Twik »
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

MariaE

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #29 on: February 26, 2012, 02:51:26 PM »
Well said, Twik. I agree 100%.
 
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