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Bad Relatives: Evil MIL

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Anyanka:

--- Quote from: Piratelvr1121 on May 10, 2013, 01:50:41 PM ---My maternal grandmother died on my anniversary, though I didn't find out until the next day.  My mother always seemed to be kind of put out in the following years that I didn't mourn my grandmother every year on my anniversary.  And by mourn I mean "Finding no enjoyment at all in that date forever more."

I loved my grandmother but it seemed very unfair to my dh to go forth as though that date was forever poisoned in my mind because that's the day she passed.  We'd been married for 6 years at that point, now it's been 13 and I've not let Gigi's death forever cast a cloud over the day.  I miss her, but I actually find myself missing her more in the summer than on the day she died because I greatly miss eating her deviled crabs and chatting with her while crabbing off their pier.

--- End quote ---

My MIL collapsed and died Christmas Eve without warning. DH and I spent that  Christmas Eve and Day sorting out trans-Altantic flights for him to met up with his family while my SIl and I were trying to celebrate Christmas with small children. I suspect that had we been more religous, it would have been harder on the children .

Now our children are older, they understand that DH is upset on Christmas Eve and we have the tradional " To Absent Friends" toast for MIL as well as my father who died a few months later from cancer.

Piratelvr1121:
I think that's lovely, really.  :) 

TurtleDove:
I've always thought the best way to honor those who have passed is to remember the happy times and live life, not actively "mourn." To me, dark mourning, especially years later, is destructive. My friends and family all know that when I pass I want my life to be celebrated as opposed to my death mourned.

Redneck Gravy:

--- Quote from: One Fish, Two Fish on May 10, 2013, 01:12:37 PM ---
--- Quote from: Redneck Gravy on April 30, 2013, 02:00:06 PM --- "Her husband and I get along famously, this could be the reason for the sudden about-face."

Since the OP's husband doesn't have any guts - where are his dad's? 

If they get along so famously where does he stand on all this?  Why hasn't he spoken up or stood up?  Why hasn't the OP spoken up OUT LOUD for all to hear...why hasn't anyone else spoken up? 

I can't believe in a family of 14 sandwich eaters no one else has seen this and hasn't spoken up.  Is the OP exaggerating a bit or does this really go on?

And I consider myself a Redneck but the way it was used previously was meant to be and is insulting.

--- End quote ---
Maybe FIL wasn't present?

--- End quote ---

I have to believe that he had to have been present on at least one occasion when this mistreatment happened... I can't believe that this goes on and he has NEVER seen it  ::)

And again, what about the rest of the family?

MyFamily:

--- Quote from: Piratelvr1121 on May 10, 2013, 01:50:41 PM ---My maternal grandmother died on my anniversary, though I didn't find out until the next day.  My mother always seemed to be kind of put out in the following years that I didn't mourn my grandmother every year on my anniversary.  And by mourn I mean "Finding no enjoyment at all in that date forever more."

I loved my grandmother but it seemed very unfair to my dh to go forth as though that date was forever poisoned in my mind because that's the day she passed.  We'd been married for 6 years at that point, now it's been 13 and I've not let Gigi's death forever cast a cloud over the day.  I miss her, but I actually find myself missing her more in the summer than on the day she died because I greatly miss eating her deviled crabs and chatting with her while crabbing off their pier.

--- End quote ---

My mother-in-law passed away on my son's birthday.  I'm sure your mother would be offended, but we still celebrate my son's birthday, even as we remember my mother-in-law.  He was her youngest grandson (there are granddaughters after him), and he is a huge fan of the same baseball team that she LOVED.  She may not have been the best MIL, but she was a great grandmother, and she'd have wanted his birthday celebrated.

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