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  • January 18, 2018, 07:51:23 PM

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Author Topic: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go  (Read 3255 times)

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zyrs

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A few months ago a friend I had lost touch with passed away.  I had not known he was ill.  His wife had planned a memorial for this weekend and I had told her that we (my wife and I) would be there.  I was notified of the memorial in early January.

Unfortunately both my wife and I have been very ill for the past few days with respiratory/intestinal symptoms.  It has not been fun and we did not want to expose anyone else to it so I notified my friend's wife (who is also a friend) that we would be unable to make it due to illness.

I tell myself we made the right decision - exposing my friend's family and other friends to a communicable disease would be a bad way to memorialize him - but I am still feeling guilty for saying I would be there and then backing out, even if it was for a good reason. 

So, what say you e-hellions, did we make the right decision?

Really?

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2012, 10:40:35 PM »
You absolutely made the right decision

Twik

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2012, 10:47:35 PM »
Another vote for you did the right thing. Being miserably ill is not going to help the grieving family.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

SamiHami

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2012, 10:50:14 PM »
Of course you did the right thing.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

zyrs

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2012, 11:06:37 PM »
Thank you all.  I'm still new at this and always second guessing myself..

iradney

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2012, 05:27:46 AM »
Definitely the right decision.
“It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance.”
-Thomas Huxley

weeblewobble

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2012, 05:33:13 AM »
Send a nice letter and your apologies.  You're making the right decision.

TootsNYC

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2012, 08:37:21 AM »
Send a nice letter and your apologies.  You're making the right decision.

I agree--write a letter that says many of the things you might have said in conversations with people at the memorial gathering, or if you would have written a eulogy.

Winterlight

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2012, 08:42:26 AM »
You were absolutely right not to go- nobody else wants to get sick. Send a nice condolence letter and in it mention how sorry you were not to be there, but due to your illness you thought it best not to risk other people.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Bijou

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #9 on: February 27, 2012, 08:46:08 AM »
There is no question that you made the right decision (unlike the exercise assistant in our class of older somewhat compromised people, who decided that she would come in anyway when she was extremely ill.  Thankfully, she was intercepted by the instructor and the other assistant and was sent home to recover, so none of us became ill from contact with her.)  I thank you for being conscientious.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Virg

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2012, 10:10:46 AM »
Illness is one of the few legitimate reasons to back out of a prior commitment.  Don't worry about it at all.  I like weeblewobble's idea to write them a note expressing your disappointment in not being able to attend and offering your condolences.  They'll certainly understand and I'm sure they'll appreciate your wish not to expose anyone to germs.

Virg

Auntie Mame

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2012, 10:45:17 AM »
I have cancelled plans before because I was ill, people have cancelled on me because they were ill.  I have always seen that as a perfectly legimate reason.  It is better to stay home and get better, no one wants to get sick.
Auntie needs fuel, black coffee and a side car.

Sirius

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #12 on: February 27, 2012, 10:53:31 AM »
You absolutely did the right thing.  Illness is always a legitimate reason to cancel plans.  I also echo Virg's post.

anonymousmac

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Re: I'm ill and contagious - hopefully it was the best etiquette not to go
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2012, 10:57:23 AM »
I was unable to attend a distant family member's funeral, but I wrote letters to some of the relatives who were close to the deceased, expressing how much I wished that I could be there and telling them about fond memories of the person.  They told me later how much that meant to them.

I think that what matters is that you communicate with those who are grieving, and that they know how much the person meant to you and that you share their loss.  Attending the funeral in person is one way to show respect, but so are letters that show how important the person was to you.  I'm sure that you did the right thing.