"Upscaling" Hosted Dinners and Drinks

[siamesecat2965]

I have tried to google this and have not been able to find it addressed.  When one is invited to a hosted event, is it rude to "upscale" your normal food/drink choices?  I am trying to get opinions on this, to see if there is any regional differences or generational differences, or possibly there will be a consensus.

First example: I am invited to Mr. and Mrs. Smith's anniversary party.  The Smiths are hosting it at a restaurant and allowing guests full menu choices. 

1)  If I would normally eat the chicken or fish dish for $20. is it rude of me to order the Lobster Amandine for $45.? 

I think generally speaking you should try and order within the range the host/hostess is ordering from.  Of course, there are exceptions, and if you are urged and assured that ordering the lobster is perfectly fine, AND it's what you really want, then I think its ok to do that.  For me, I only don't follow this if my mom and I go out, and she's paying.  But its understood she wants me to have what I want, even if its the priciest item on the menu, within reason, of course. 
2)  I normally don't drink wine with dinner (or much at all), but decide to order a glass with this meal.  Is this rude?

Again, I think it depends.  While I enjoy a glass of wine with my meal, if no one else is having one, I will refrain.  If a couple people do, then I assume its ok and will have one, but I'll stick to the lower end, price wise.  I won't order a $20 glass when there are some for under $10

Second example:  I am invited to the wedding of Bill and Kathy.  There is a full open bar at the reception. 

3)  I normally drink rail Whiskey and seven-up at $3.50 a glass when I pay for my own drinks. Is it rude of me to order Top Shelf whiskey and seven-up at $7.50 per glass?

If you're at an event with an open bar, and they are offering top shelf I see nothing wrong with ordering it.  If they didn't want it served, they probalby wouldn't have included it as an option.

4)  When paying for myself out on the town I normally quit at 3 drinks.  Since it's a hosted bar is it OK for me to drink 5 drinks?

Again, it depends.  On whether or not you can handle that many without making a boob out of yourself, and also whether or not you have to drive.  But generally speaking, if its an open bar, I don't think you need to stop at whatever point you would if you were paying. 

Does your answer change if the event is hosted by a company or corporation?  Or if the hosts know your personal tastes in food and how much/what you normally drink?

[Lynn2000]

If people in your area are known to abuse good hospitality, I'd say plan for a dinner where there is only one or two options for food and a limited sort of drinks.  Maybe you can provide X number of soda pop cans and Y beers (enough for everyone if they act reasonably) and when they're gone, they're gone...?

This. If people who know the "guest pool" have stories of this happening often in the past, I think you can take steps to try and counteract it, while still providing good hospitality--it's rude to ASSUME people will be rude, but perfectly polite (and savvy) to set things up so the end-of-the-night bill is within your means. Maybe this means having ONLY lower-priced drinks physically available, or having the full bar available but only for the "cocktail hour," or having only five types of alcohol available but the "best" brand of each, or something else. If you plan for a truly generous amount of drinks per person (including sodas), and they still manage to drain it, I don't think you're obligated to provide more (except for water). A good host provides generously for guests; but a good guest does not allow their child to pour three sodas out on the lawn, and go back for a fourth.

[cheyne]

Again, I want to thank everyone who has replied, you have given me much food for thought.  The circumstances of the wedding have changed due to DS going in the Air Force.  They are now planning a JOP at the courthouse wedding (or possibly being married by DIL's parish priest in the rectory). 

My understanding is that DIL's parents balked at being asked to contribute anything to the reception costs even though they were the one's that wanted all 96 members of their families included.  The kids told them "no, we aren't going into debt for this and we really don't want it anyway". 

Thank you for your replies.