Again, I want to thank everyone who has replied, you have given me much food for thought. The circumstances of the wedding have changed due to DS going in the Air Force. They are now planning a JOP at the courthouse wedding (or possibly being married by DIL's parish priest in the rectory).
My understanding is that DIL's parents balked at being asked to contribute anything to the reception costs even though they were the one's that wanted all 96 members of their families included. The kids told them "no, we aren't going into debt for this and we really don't want it anyway".
Thank you for your replies.