Author Topic: S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?  (Read 1744 times)

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NyaChan

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S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?
« on: February 27, 2012, 10:30:50 PM »
I started wondering as I read responses to the thread about kids taking multiple pieces of cake- if you serve food to a group of people where there is no problem with not having enough for everyone, is it rude for a guest to take multiple portions?  What if it is a potluck where the person has contributed food themselves?  What if it isn't a meal that the host is providing, but a snack or a treat?

I had the gut reaction that unless there was an issue of quantity, it didn't matter how much a person took, but seeing that others seemed not to agree, I am quite curious to get other people's take on it.

MommyPenguin

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Re: S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2012, 11:13:44 PM »
My take is that, it's okay to get as many multiple helpings as you want, as long as you leave enough time in between to allow others to get food as well.  I think one helping is appropriate for the first go-around, although a large helping is acceptable if there is obviously more than enough of the food item for everybody and you're not doing it for *every* food.  For example, if there's a cake that had 50 slices, and 20 people are at the event, you take one slice to start with.  Maybe not everybody takes a slice at all, so when you are finished your slice, there are about 35 slices left.  So you take another.  Then you chat for a bit, and later you go back and there are still 20 slices left.  You can take another.  When you finish, there are still tons left... I mean, at a certain point, it just seems like, if people really wanted that cake and hadn't had enough yet in the time that it took you to have 3-4 helpings, spaced out (not chowing down and then popping back up, but eating at a normal pace and perhaps waiting a little while in between), then they'd have already gotten it.  Nearing the end of the party, when most people are done eating and are doing other activities, or people are getting ready to go home, I think it's fine to finish off anything that hasn't been finished already, even if it means eating a lot more than a normal helping.  Unless it's an item that is obviously the kind of thing that would be distributed to take home or that the host would really want (a birthday cake, etc.).

JonGirl

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Re: S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2012, 03:08:41 AM »


I always take one only, then get extra only if I get offered.
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Iris

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Re: S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2012, 04:51:43 AM »
I take one only and wait until everyone else has served themselves to take more.
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TootsNYC

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Re: S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2012, 11:51:40 AM »
I think that it's not *rude* to take more food than everyone else, as long as everyone else has had a good chance to get enough.

And I think that "proper form" (which is often what etiquette is about) is to take one sensibly sized serving, and then wait until everyone else has been served before you take seconds. And wait until everyone has had a chance at *seconds* before you take thirds. After thirds,

But you can really run the risk of looking greedy, or looking like a glutton. Which makes YOU look bad.

And there's a school of thought that says "drawing attention to yourself, esp. your eating, is rude," so you shouldn't be obtrusive.

learningtofly

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Re: S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2012, 08:36:48 PM »
Usually I run across this at work.  We'll have a large meeting/presentation with food sponsored by a department.  I know I want 3 pieces of pizza.  However, I never know how many people are coming to the meeting.  I take two slices.  At the end of the meeting if there are leftovers I get my third piece.  Most of my coworkers do the same thing.  A few take 3 pieces at the beginning, but I would feel guilty taking 3 pieces with so many people in line (I always get to meetings early).

The guy who tried to take an entire pizza home was shot down politely by the administrator of the meeting.

lowspark

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Re: S/O When do parents want to be told - How much is rude?
« Reply #6 on: February 29, 2012, 10:51:30 AM »
...unless there was an issue of quantity, it didn't matter how much a person took...

I agree with this.

I'm going to approach if from the point of view of the host. When I have a party, or have people over for a meal or for snacks or whatever, I always supply way more food than I think will get eaten. I don't want to run out. So, if everyone took one little serving I'd have tons of leftovers. I would much rather people eat to their heart's content. That's what it's there for!

I would be horrified to find out that anyone held back and didn't take more food because they were afraid of being rude, while the food was sitting right there not getting eaten.

So, by that analysis, when I'm at someone else's house, I assume the same. I take a reasonable serving at first, because everyone needs to be served. But later if there's food sitting there and everyone's eaten, heck yeah, if I want some more of something, I'll go for it. Again,  that's what it's there for. If the host wants us to stop eating, then s/he would put it away.