In my world, dating the ex of your friend is a violation of the girl code. Not done. If done, has negative repercussions on the friendship.
I agree but only to an extent. One of my very good friends is currently married to one of my ex-boyfriends. She did not ask me for permission to date him and I would not have felt the need to have to give it.
But, I wasn't still in love with him and I had already married someone else when they got together.
My best friend was set up with a guy she dated for a few months by another mutual friend. But, the connection wasn't there. After they broke up, the guy and the friend that did the matchmaking ended up getting together. (In this case, she did talk to my best friend first). They too are now married.
I think that there's a degree to which this is true. I actually don't subscribe to the "She has a claim on a guy she's not dating
" school of thought. I do think, however, that friends need to be considerate of each other's feelings. I would not want to date a friend's ex immediately after they broke up and I wouldn't want to do it if I knew there were still feelings there. I'd definitely feel the need to talk to my friend about it first and though, I've personally never dated (or wanted to date) a friend's ex, I would like to think that my feelings would have to be really strong in order for me to go there in the first place.
I have an ex-friend who is also married to one of my ex-boyfriends....and their relationship
did end our friendship. I didn't have feelings for him when they got together, but they started dating
almost immediately after we had broken up. (I broke up with him because I hated kissing him...weird, but true). She chose not tell me about it and hid their relationship
for me for almost 6 months. When I did see them out together or heard from other friends that they were going out, she told me they were just friends. Eventually, I found out the truth and she told me that the feelings were just really, really strong and she couldn't deny them. And all of that was fine, except for the fact that she didn't respect me enough to just tell me about it first. I also found out that he called her the night we broke up to get some insight into what I was thinking. I can't help but wonder if any advice she gave him did not have my best interest in mind, but instead, wanted him to get over me faster so that they could go out.
So, I really think it depends.
For the OP's situation, she said the relationship
has been over for some time...and she moved away. I don't think the friend knows her feelings and she did give her the benefit of telling her what was going on. So, I'm not going to say that her friend violated the girl-code just yet. I do think the OP needs to confess her discomfort soon and let her know why she needs time to get with the idea of them being together...and also let her know why she may need to pull away for a while.