Cell Phone/Texting Rudeness

[hannahmollysmom]

First of all, I do own a cell phone and it is great to contact people when you need to, and for people to contact you when you are not at home. That being said...

I find the following rude and annoying:

1. When you are having a face to face conversation with someone, and they receive a text: They stop mid sentence or your mid sentence to read the text then procede to text back. Now, I am totally understanding if it is an emergency, but in general, it is just stuff. It makes me feel like the text is more important than my physical being standing with the person. I know they are no longer listening to me.

2. People walking while texting or on the phone: Their head is bent, they are not looking out for anyone else while walking, and you must dodge them as they are in another plane.

3. People who feel the need to scream and swear at the person they are talking to when in a public area: I do not need to hear the language, or what is going on in your personal life.

I could continue the list, but it would probably be too long.

Do others find these items annoying? And, what do you find annoying about cell phone users?

[TheVapors]

That #1 nearly boils my blood. You've decided to spend some time with me, for goodness' sake, you can put the phone in your pocket for an hour and pretend that you actually like my company.

I also hate being held hostage to a person's phone call.

I was once in a car with several friends on the way to a restaurant. We were at least 20 minutes from the restaurant when one of the friend's phones rang, she answered it... and then started having a huge relationship discussion/fight with her sorta-kinda-ex-boyfriend. Not only was this an incredibly private thing to be overhearing, but there was NO WAY to get away from it. We couldn't have our own conversation, because she was talking on the phone... we couldn't turn on the radio, because she was talking on the phone. It was awkward, unpleasant, and really obnoxious.

I've also been in a restaurant when a friend has answered the phone at the table. It makes me sputter.

I keep thinking back to when my mother used to tell us kids to not be rude when someone's on the phone ... now I'm thinking I'll need to tell the future kids not to be rude on the phone when someone's in front of you.

[CakeEater]

My younger cousins, in their early 20s, come to family events and quite literally sit up one end of the dinner table texting for most of the time. They shovel in bites between texts. Then they all head off and sit in a group somewhere texting other people. They don't even talk to each other. It seems like they're happy to come and fill up on the food, but don't especially want to have any interaction with any of the people actually present there.

I'm only in my early 30s, but it seems like there's quite a generation gap in my family.

[Tilt Fairy]

Number 1 makes me more angry than any other etiquette violation on this planet. I think it's the rudest of rude. Unfortunately all my friends (including my boyfriend) do it in abundance. If we're out to dinner, out for lunch, talking on the train, drinking on the sofa, in the cinema - you name it, they will be glued to their phones either texting or facebooking. We will be mid-conversation or mid-doing something together and as soon as their phone rings or beeps, they whip it out and text away. I'm one of these people who's a bit like Larry David. I can leave my phone in a drawer turned off for a month and not feel the need to check it. In fact, I think my mobile phone is pretty redundant to me. I never use it. 


If it's an emergency, fine but me and my friends are all in our 20s and none of us are married or have children or live at home so any emergencies will be house, S/O or family/medical related and such emergencies will happen (touch wood) about 0.1% of the time.


The thing is, how do you tell the friend that it is rude? I must admit, I'm quite close to all my friends so I have often screamed at them to put their phone away but they never do and just find it adorable that I'm getting mad over something they think isn't a big deal. But it makes me so mad ARGH! Is my company that bad?

[Irishkitty]

All three of those irritate me no end.

I get the train to and from work, and inevitably there's someone having a loud conversation on their phone.

Just this morning there was a guy behind me talking, and what I could hear made me think that he/his friend just had the urge to talk. They didn't appear to be talking about anything in particular, it was a series of random comments. At one point he said "So, you're passing by McDonalds?" and I was soooo tempted to turn and ask if he could pick me up a hamburger. 

[Cosmasia]

I find number 1 annoying and rude. It's the same as just randomly turning to another person and starting a new conversation while you were mid-convo with someone else.

As for the second I don't find that rude and don't consider it my place to say that someone else cannot move their feet while texting or using their phone. I do that often, mostly as a coping mechanism (social anxiety) and I'd find it weird if someone told me I was being rude by texting while walking.
It's obviously my responsibility to make sure I don't walk into anyone but it is my responsibility regardless of my usage of a phone or not.

Number 3, I agree that it's rude to scream in a phone (or at someone in person). Doesn't matter if it's public or not, though it being public could make it rude to the people around you as well. I don't consider swearing rude. Some people do and that's great for them, but for me swear words are part of my daily vocabulary that I use when I want to enhance the meaning of something, and as with the walking, I'd find it weird if someone told me I was rude for using swear words in a conversation with a whole other person than them.

[princessdolly]

I wonder,Cosmasia, if you swear when there are children present though. Also, it is fine if you want to swear but some people feel they shouldn't have to hear that kind of language and it doesn't take much effort to only swear in private company.

There are much better ways to express yourself than swearing. Ways that aren't offensive to anyone.

[Cosmasia]

I use swear words when I feel it fits. I'm not going to go down to a kindergarden and swear up a storm but I have no problems saying "Aaah poop, that doesn't sound good" to bad news being told to me. Poop obviously being replaced - if there are children walking around when I'm saying that I don't notice it.

As I said I'm fine with people not liking swearing. I don't swear at people nor do I go to inappropriate places with that language, but I'm not going to censor myself when talking to friends/family just because there might be a person on the sidewalk near me who doesn't like swearing. I don't consider it rude to use swear words with people who also use them. If I'm not talking to a person then that person doesn't get a say in what I talk about - to put it in those words.

edit: Just to make myself more clear, I don't swear like a sailor. At all. I don't mind those types either, but what I'm trying to show is that some people use swear words to enhance the meaning of whatever they are saying - without having every other words being F or poop or something else. Of course some people will still have a problem with that, but I find it to be necessary to make sure we aren't just talking about extremes (no swearing at all versus sailor talk).

[Venus193]

I agree on all three counts.

Texting while walking may not be rude, but it's certainly unsafe.  The person should look where he's going and not make me responsible for his safety if he bumps into me.  If there is rudeness here it's in making an obstacle of himself to others.

Answering the phone or text message in a non-emergency situation while socializing with others is rude. 

Sean once dated a divorced woman who had two children (ages 9 and 6).  They lived with her parents.  One day when the three of us were having lunch together at his place the older child called her to mediate a fight between the two of them (which may have been over the TV).  She was on the phone for almost half an hour, after which she said "Sorry, but when you have kids..."

Eh, no.  She left them in her parents' charge and her parents should have taken care of the situation.  The only reason to call her would have been in case of fire, bloodshed, or the emergency room.

[mlkind1789]

I will admit to #1 in a peripheral way.  I have three dd's and if I am talking to someone and get a text, I will wait until there is a lull in the conversation and then say "I just got a text, I just need to see if it is one of the girls or DH", but I would never look at the text in the middle of actually speaking or listening to someone speak.  If it is one of them, I make sure it doesn't require an immediate answer and then go right back to the conversation.  If it is just a non-important text or someone other than my family, I wait until I am done with the person I am with. 

2 and 3 bother me too.  If I am at the store and need to text DH to tell me if we are out of something or not (because I'm goofy sometimes and forget to check things before I leave and don't remember until I see them in the store), then I pull my cart off to the side and send my text.

[SingActDance]

I wonder,Cosmasia, if you swear when there are children present though. Also, it is fine if you want to swear but some people feel they shouldn't have to hear that kind of language and it doesn't take much effort to only swear in private company.

There are much better ways to express yourself than swearing. Ways that aren't offensive to anyone.

That is entirely a matter of opinion. So is what is considered offensive. Agree with PP, I'm not going to start cursing up a storm at a group of passing children, but I'm also not going to censor myself when I'm walking down the street.

[hannahmollysmom]

I don't mean to sound pious about swearing while talking on the phone. I've been known to use the poop word once in a while. What bothers me is the loud use of f-in' constantly, or the "c" word. Those I find offensive.

I am also not talking about someone walking past me on the street while having this type of conversation. It is the ones who stand within a foot of you, like at a bus stop and don't move, and don't care that others hear them.

[Cosmasia]

If I'm talking to a friend at a bus stop I'm still not going to censor myself.
I don't wish to offend anyone and don't like that it happens but my views are that it's not rude - and as such I don't feel bad about doing it.

As I've said before I don't swear up a storm anywhere unless maybe if I'm dying  but if people still have an issue (perfectly valid one) with an occassional swear here or there then I think it's simply an agree-to-disagree thing because I feel like at that point I've done what I should, in that I don't yell or call people C-words or anything - I just use words to emphasize every now and then.

[O'Dell]

If I'm talking to a friend at a bus stop I'm still not going to censor myself.
I don't wish to offend anyone and don't like that it happens but my views are that it's not rude - and as such I don't feel bad about doing it.

As I've said before I don't swear up a storm anywhere unless maybe if I'm dying  but if people still have an issue (perfectly valid one) with an occassional swear here or there then I think it's simply an agree-to-disagree thing because I feel like at that point I've done what I should, in that I don't yell or call people C-words or anything - I just use words to emphasize every now and then.

I confess...I have a horrible potty-mouth.  I have a pretty high tolerance for other people swearing. The loud talking however... 

The most rude use of cellphone texting I've witnessed was 2 teens that were visiting my husband and me who started texting each other. While we all sat in the same room chatting. Yeah, I said something. On the bright side I didn't use naughty wording.

[TealDragon]

Regarding #1, oh goodness gracious, this just makes my brain want to explode. Similar to this, except kind of the opposite, when I'm socializing with someone, I make a point to silence my phone and check it when I excuse myself to the bathroom, or if I'm expecting something important, I'll leave the sound on and look at it long enough to see if it's the important thing I want, if not, I ignore it for the moment and respond to it later. Most people know this about me and don't take offense if I send a call to voicemail or don't reply to a text message immediately, but there are a few friends who just never seem to get this and expect that if you have a cell phone, you WILL be available at all times, no matter what. These friends are also the same friends who will stop a conversation to check a notification and don't see why it bothers people.