Rude to post on FB about wedding when close family isn't invited?

[LaciGirl007]

B/g:  My niece is getting married soon.  I've been told that she's having a very small wedding -- just parents & siblings, I believe, but not parents' siblings (of which I am one).  I'm a little hurt about not being invited, but of course I haven't said anything because it's up to the HC to have the wedding they want.

She has relatively few FB friends (fewer than 100).  end b/g.

She's been posting about her wedding on her FB page.  I finally couldn't take it anymore, and unsubscribed from her status updates.

My question is: is it rude to post things about your wedding on FB so that it can be seen by your FB friends who are relatively close family members (such as aunts & uncles) who are not invited to the wedding? 

[jimithing]

I don't think it's rude at all. Should she never talk about it  because they aren't able to invite everyone? If they are literally just inviting parents and siblings, then really, no one else is being "excluded" in the sense that all the aunts are invited, other than you.

[Deetee]

Not rude.

But unsubscribing is also not rude.

[kareng57]

No, not rude at all.  Some people could have hundreds of friends on FB, and only about 80 or so invited to their wedding after all.

Of course there is nothing wrong with de-friending if that is what you want to do, and it does sound as though this is the case.

[MrsJWine]

I agree with others. She's not crowing about an awesome party she'll be throwing in front of her closest five friends, one of whom isn't invited. She's talking about her wedding on Facebook. This is something people do. It's not even remotely rude.

[SisJackson]

I agree with the PPs.  As disappointing as it might be that extended family is not invited to the wedding, our EHell credo is "have the wedding you can afford."  The happy bride and groom should not have to then pretend that said wedding is nonexistent just because they can't invite hundreds of people.  She's not doing anything wrong.  If you cannot simply be happy for her, then it's not rude to hide her feed.

[apple]

I'm wondering if this is the HC's way of keeping extended family "in the loop" about their wedding plans, and included in this way.

[Tai]

Not rude in the least.  Most people I know have FB friends from high school, college, former coworkers, etc, and they would not be necessarily invited to a wedding.  Doesn't mean the HC should keep the whole thing under wraps, because if bride or groom change their status to "married" without ever posting anything about their wedding, then I guarantee they'll get "why didn't you post anything" from someone. 

[Mr Wigglybones]

No. It would be rather impractical and silly to expect people not talk about one of the most important days of their lives openly.

[Ceallach]

I would only think it was rude if she was making plans in front of everybody.  e.g. very specific details about "Everybody who is coming to Xwedding event meet at Xlocation and wear purple!" type posts which should be conveyed by private message to the people involved.  If it's just general posts about her wedding plans, or excitement about the wedding, then definitely not rude.

People post to facebook frequently about aspects of their lives that others aren't involved in.  IMHO that's kind of the point - in my family it's how we keep in touch and know what everybody else has been up to, and get details/photos of the significant events. 

[WillyNilly]

I actually disagree with the others and quite frankly am shocked! I think it is outstandingly rude to post about a wedding on Facebook if not all your facebook friends are invited! The same rules for society apply on Facebook and the long established, well known rule is you don't talk about parties you are throwing in front of people who aren't invited. Its really not difficult. At all.

[SisJackson]

I actually disagree with the others and quite frankly am shocked! I think it is outstandingly rude to post about a wedding on Facebook if not all your facebook friends are invited! The same rules for society apply on Facebook and the long established, well known rule is you don't talk about parties you are throwing in front of people who aren't invited. Its really not difficult. At all.

I respectfully disagree.  The rule is not "don't discuss events in front of anyone not invited" - it's "don't discuss events in front of someone who has a reasonable expectation of being invited, but for whatever reason, is not."  I can politely mention that I am going to a family reunion in front of my best friend even though she is not invited, because she has no reasonable expectation of being invited to it - she's not family.  I can talk about my office Christmas party with my brother without impunity, even though he isn't invited, because he doesn't work with me.  I think it's perfectly reasonable that if someone is having an "immediate family only" wedding that anyone outside the immediate family doesn't have an expectation of being invited.

You may not agree with that, but that is my opinion.

[Tai]

If you can only post what you are willing to invite everyone to on FB, then there should be no "Going out to dinner for our anniversary" or "Look what I made- yummy dinner" or "here's a pic of my cat dressed for Halloween"- because you aren't inviting everyone to come along or come over. 

[MrsJWine]

I actually disagree with the others and quite frankly am shocked! I think it is outstandingly rude to post about a wedding on Facebook if not all your facebook friends are invited! The same rules for society apply on Facebook and the long established, well known rule is you don't talk about parties you are throwing in front of people who aren't invited. Its really not difficult. At all.

I don't know how that would be even remotely possible, unless I were to never mention any of my activities at all, ever, on Facebook.

[jimithing]

I actually disagree with the others and quite frankly am shocked! I think it is outstandingly rude to post about a wedding on Facebook if not all your facebook friends are invited! The same rules for society apply on Facebook and the long established, well known rule is you don't talk about parties you are throwing in front of people who aren't invited. Its really not difficult. At all.

By that logic, I would never be able to post about anything I ever did, unless I could invite all 500 of my FB friends. I can't post pictures of the cookie exchange I hosted? Or the birthday party I am attending?

Like SisJackson said, the rule is not that you can't talk about things to people who aren't invited, ever. If I am talking about a work get together at work, with coworkers who aren't invited, yes, rude. But if I'm talking about being excited for my upcoming wedding with coworkers, and none of them are invited, that is not rude.