Author Topic: RSVP to guest of honor  (Read 2579 times)

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baritone108

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RSVP to guest of honor
« on: March 05, 2012, 02:58:22 PM »
 I am hosting a baby shower for someone who lives in another state.  My state is her home state and shower will be held here.  In the invitation I gave my name and contact info. for RSVPs.  Every other day or so I get a phone call from the guest of honor saying an invitee has RSVP'd directly to her. 

I don't understand what gets into people?  Why would anyone think the guest of honor would want that responsibility?  I do appreciate her keeping me updated but that would be totally unnecessary if people responded as asked.  I suppose I should be grateful that they RSVP at all.

NyaChan

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2012, 03:07:10 PM »
I think that they should be RSVP'ing to you if that is what the invitation indicated.  As to why they are calling the guest of honor, I am wondering if the people you invited are mutual acquaintances of you and the mom-to-be or if they only know the mom-to-be.  I know I received an invitation to a wedding shower once for a friend and the RSVP info were two names I had never heard before and a number from a state across the country.  I did hesitate to call because I had no idea who they were.  Since I didn't particularly feel close to the bride anymore, I just called those numbers to decline.  But, if the bride had still been a close friend, I probably would have called her first and then called them if she indicated that it was necessary,

Dorrie78

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2012, 03:33:28 PM »
Agree with NyaChan - if these guests don't know you, they may have felt more comfortable contacting the person they did know - the guest of honor. It doesn't make it any more appropriate, but it makes it understandable. I have somewhat of a phone anxiety - but it only really reveals itself when calling someone I don't know. When I've been invited to showers in the past and haven't known the host, I've had to work up to being able to place the call to RSVP. Some people may not be able to work up to that...

Roe

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2012, 03:46:13 PM »
Agree with Dorrie and NyaChan.  Also, are you sure the mom to be isn't asking them if they plan to attend? 

baritone108

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Minor Update Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2012, 03:58:32 PM »
 I guess I don't understand.  It is not at all uncommon for the RSVP for a wedding or baby shower to be to someone you don't know.  If responses are requested by phone I just call, say I am responding to the invitation, and then give my response.  It's not like these generate extensive conversations.

Many of the people responding to the mom-to-be do know me but are closer to the mom-to-be.  I do know that she is not contacting anyone to ask them if they are coming.  Also, a few people who would be taking to her about other things have indicated to her that they got the invitation and are planning to attend but they haven't RSVP'd yet.  I'm not talking about those people in this thread.  I am talking about those who specifically contact her saying, "I am RSVPing to the shower invitation".

TootsNYC

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2012, 06:03:07 PM »
I think the people believe that their *true* regrets/excuses belong not to the hostess but to the guest of honor.

And I agree that when it's a guest-of-honor situation, it *IS* true that the person you've being invited FOR (and who may have provided the guest list) is someone to whom you should respond.

But I think it's really not correct for people to not ALSO contact YOU.
They're putting a big responsibility on the guest of honor's shoulders; that's not very nice to her, to make her responsible for remembering to pass the info on to you.


The guest of honor should be saying, "Oh, please DO contact my friend. I can't be sure I'll remember to tell her, and she deserves to hear the info directly from you. She's doing a really nice thing for me--please contact her directly."

baritone108

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2012, 08:41:43 PM »
And I agree that when it's a guest-of-honor situation, it *IS* true that the person you've being invited FOR (and who may have provided the guest list) is someone to whom you should respond.

I disagree with this but can agree to disagree.  I'm not saying you can't respond to the guest of honor but I disagree that you should respond to them.  For example, I was recently invited to a wedding whnere I am acquainted with both the bride and groom.  I did not know the person to whom I was instructed to RSVP but I did respond to that person.  I did not see a point in going back to the bride or groom and also telling them I was attending.  I assumed (dangerous I know) that there was a reason they did not want to be burdened by RSVPs themselves.

With respect to regrets, I can agree that someone would generally want to let the guest of honor know why they can't attend.  In the case at hand, people are not merely giving their regrets, some of them are attending.


But I think it's really not correct for people to not ALSO contact YOU.
They're putting a big responsibility on the guest of honor's shoulders; that's not very nice to her, to make her responsible for remembering to pass the info on to you.

The guest of honor should be saying, "Oh, please DO contact my friend. I can't be sure I'll remember to tell her, and she deserves to hear the info directly from you. She's doing a really nice thing for me--please contact her directly."
  THIS!   :D

lowspark

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2012, 03:43:59 PM »
I agree that they should be responding to you. They should respond to whoever is listed on the invitation as the person to reply to.

However, as a perennial host of parties, I'd like to say that any RSVP is better than none. It's a much bigger pain to not know if someone is coming than to have them RSVP to the wrong person. As long as you're getting notified of the replies, be thankful for small favors.  :D

Marbles

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2012, 12:46:32 AM »
Oh, I agree, that's quite aggrivating. I just hosted a bridal shower a few weeks ago and had half the guest list not respond.  ::)

One of the ladies I followed up with apologised, but half excused herself by saying that the bride knew she was going to be out of town. Well, I didn't know she was going to be away, so she still needed to let me know. :)

It's all well and good for folks to tell the GOH that they aren't coming, but they should not force her to keep track and tell the hostess. The party is to honor her; they shouldn't make her their social secretary.

Isometric

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2012, 01:01:17 AM »
This happened for my hens night, people were RSVPing to me instead of the MOH. In my case I thought people were getting confused because we have the same name (slightly different spelling)

I don't know why apart from people reject the unfamiliar - more comfortable with contacting the person they know.

MurPl1

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2012, 12:23:31 AM »
Is it possible that they aren't making an RSVP contact and just mentioning it in conversation?  I'm assuming these are people close to the guest of honor, so it makes sense to me that she'd be having phone, in person or email conversations with them.  Along the lines of "oh and I got the invite to your shower, so cute!! Can't wait to see you there!"  "Great, I'll let Baritone know!"

baritone108

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UPDATE post#11 RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2012, 04:28:15 PM »
I am happy to say that almost everyone who RSVP'd to the guest of honor contacted me a week or so later to tell me they were or were not coming, along with an apology for being so late (although they were still before the deadline).  It's enough to give me faith in people again  ;D

TootsNYC

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Re: RSVP to guest of honor
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2012, 11:03:24 PM »
Yay, I'm glad!!