Author Topic: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?  (Read 26659 times)

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wyliefool

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #45 on: March 08, 2012, 10:41:19 AM »
Quote
THIS!!! I was out of state for my father-in-laws funeral and i'm getting texts about so and so canceled their date due to a business meeting and she's mad...I should have said the part of about date "in your level" thing...its not about that honestly.. its the look I've suggested scenarios like "what if he's a social worker and LOVES his job but doesn't make make much money?" and of course the response is "well, I wouldn't want someone that can't pay for XYZ".

See, this right here would have me telling her that if she doesn't knock it off her ringtone is being changed to silent. Who needs to be bothered all the time by someone whining about their love life? Especially when she's being so shallow about it. You want xyz? buy it yourself!

cheyne

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #46 on: March 08, 2012, 10:41:40 AM »
Thank you guys so much for all of the oppions and viewpoints : I wrote the original post out of anger and frustration and I'm rather ashamed that I wrote this in the first place. Our place of work already has several guidelines on who one should date (for instance no drugs or criminal record) so the rest is just gravy guidelines.

Any idea how to close out topic?

You cannot end the topic on that note!   >:D

TurtleDove

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #47 on: March 08, 2012, 11:10:55 AM »
I am guessing she works in one of the professions where it is frowned upon to be involved with someone with a criminal record.

Sure, but to issue guidelines about whom employees can date is insane.  Perhaps if this is the CIA or something, but otherwise WHAT?????? 

I know in my career as a professional gangster rapper I am actually encouraged to date drug users with extensive criminal records!
« Last Edit: March 08, 2012, 11:12:34 AM by TurtleDove »

ilrag

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #48 on: March 08, 2012, 12:13:20 PM »
There's a lot of jobs in the world where you need a background check of various levels.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #49 on: March 08, 2012, 12:15:22 PM »
It's not insane at all.  There are people I can't even go have lunch with, let alone date.  Conflict of interest.

courtsmad25

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #50 on: March 08, 2012, 12:34:06 PM »
There's a lot of jobs in the world where you need a background check of various levels.

Yep, we work with high level stuff therefore in order to maintain your clearance you have to be squeeky clean and there can be issues if your associated with a not so great person..If your known to hang out with John Doe, and he gets busted selling drugs, you too will be tested and watched...and if your caught WITH John Doe while he's selling drugs your career is over.

I too have to watch it with the conflict stuff Lorelei_Evil

Winterlight

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #51 on: March 08, 2012, 01:59:06 PM »
I think what you're trying to say is not so much "lower your standards" and more "you need to be realistic." She wants perfect, and perfect is never going to happen. Maybe what she should be looking for is "perfect for her."
If wisdomís ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

courtsmad25

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #52 on: March 08, 2012, 05:29:33 PM »
I think what you're trying to say is not so much "lower your standards" and more "you need to be realistic." She wants perfect, and perfect is never going to happen. Maybe what she should be looking for is "perfect for her."
;D Ohhhhhh thank you, THAT is probably the best way to put it.. She slowed down about them today..(which is one reason why the guilt)..but that is a really good way to phrase the pep talk.

I <3 you E-hellions!

violinp

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #53 on: March 08, 2012, 09:41:36 PM »
I think what you're trying to say is not so much "lower your standards" and more "you need to be realistic." She wants perfect, and perfect is never going to happen. Maybe what she should be looking for is "perfect for her."

POD. I could sit on my rear and hope for a Jared Padalecki lookalike who rescues infants and kittens for a living, but that isn't going to ever happen. However, there are loads of so - called "normal" guys who are out there and will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Two Ravens

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #54 on: March 08, 2012, 09:53:02 PM »
I think what you're trying to say is not so much "lower your standards" and more "you need to be realistic." She wants perfect, and perfect is never going to happen. Maybe what she should be looking for is "perfect for her."

POD. I could sit on my rear and hope for a Jared Padalecki lookalike who rescues infants and kittens for a living, but that isn't going to ever happen. However, there are loads of so - called "normal" guys who are out there and will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Ha Ha! I hear you on the "Jared Padalecki lookalike" (even though I think he was cuter before he lost all the baby fat in his face!).

I has a good friend who once told a long suffering guy friend - "Jack, did you ever think that there is a reason why Gisele BŁndchen married Tom Brady instead of you?"

violinp

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #55 on: March 08, 2012, 09:55:03 PM »
I think what you're trying to say is not so much "lower your standards" and more "you need to be realistic." She wants perfect, and perfect is never going to happen. Maybe what she should be looking for is "perfect for her."

POD. I could sit on my rear and hope for a Jared Padalecki lookalike who rescues infants and kittens for a living, but that isn't going to ever happen. However, there are loads of so - called "normal" guys who are out there and will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Ha Ha! I hear you on the "Jared Padalecki lookalike" (even though I think he was cuter before he lost all the baby fat in his face!).

I has a good friend who once told a long suffering guy friend - "Jack, did you ever think that there is a reason why Gisele BŁndchen married Tom Brady instead of you?"

 ;D
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Allyson

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #56 on: March 08, 2012, 10:21:52 PM »
I had another thought about this...I find that people can be offputting in how they express what they want in a partner, by tearing down people who don't fit their criteria. It's the difference between, "Oh, I'm just not attracted to her/him" and "Ugh, what a loser/ugly person, how could they think I would date them". Some of the people who are very proud of having extremely high 'standards' can come off as really not nice to people who don't fit them.

Not being romantically interested in someone doesn't mean I get to talk about them like they're worthless. I think that's part of my problem with saying 'I have extremely high standards and a specific list of criteria' instead of 'I'm looking for someone who's perfect for me, who I am extremely excited about'. Sort of relates to the thread I started about the phrase 'too good for him/her'. The idea of some people being objective '8/10' or whatever is offputting to me.

I hope I'm making at least a little bit of sense. I just dislike the idea of 'ranking' people in that way. What's a great guy for me might not be at all great for someone else, and so on. 

Two Ravens

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #57 on: March 08, 2012, 10:33:35 PM »
I had another thought about this...I find that people can be offputting in how they express what they want in a partner, by tearing down people who don't fit their criteria. It's the difference between, "Oh, I'm just not attracted to her/him" and "Ugh, what a loser/ugly person, how could they think I would date them". Some of the people who are very proud of having extremely high 'standards' can come off as really not nice to people who don't fit them.

Not being romantically interested in someone doesn't mean I get to talk about them like they're worthless. I think that's part of my problem with saying 'I have extremely high standards and a specific list of criteria' instead of 'I'm looking for someone who's perfect for me, who I am extremely excited about'. Sort of relates to the thread I started about the phrase 'too good for him/her'. The idea of some people being objective '8/10' or whatever is offputting to me.

I hope I'm making at least a little bit of sense. I just dislike the idea of 'ranking' people in that way. What's a great guy for me might not be at all great for someone else, and so on.

Well, I think some people probably have a problem with deciding who is exciting based on a first impression.  If you'd asked me what my opinion was of my husband 10 minutes after we had met, I probably would have said " No thanks".  11 years later, we've been happily married for seven years.  Sometimes it pays to give people a chance.

Surianne

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #58 on: March 08, 2012, 11:01:23 PM »
And other times, your first instincts are right and it gets pretty exhausting when people ask you to give someone a chance when you know there's nothing about the person you like. 

Venus193

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #59 on: March 08, 2012, 11:08:51 PM »
Most of the people who tried to get me to "settle" had done so themselves.  I think it was a case of "misery loves company."