Author Topic: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?  (Read 28074 times)

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Surianne

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #75 on: March 10, 2012, 04:44:10 PM »
Most of the people who tried to get me to "settle" had done so themselves.  I think it was a case of "misery loves company."

I get those too -- and their opposite, which is the couples who are in the honeymoon stage and so crazy in love that they think everyone else has to be, no matter what, right now, with any potential mate passing by on the street.  Fortunately they usually calm down a bit later on in their relationship ;D


Gish and I prefer to think of it as "Who else would have us?"  ;)


Hah!  I love it. 

Twik

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #76 on: March 10, 2012, 04:50:09 PM »
I have no suggestions, just a story.

A long time ago (I hate to admit how long) my college roommate was rhapsodizing about the man who she would, eventually, meet and marry - he would be tall, of course, and handsome, with a deep sexy voice. Well educated, and interested in all the things that she was. And money - plenty of money. They would spend their days cruising on his yacht, yada yada yada.

I said, "I'm just hoping for one who isn't into football."

She made a face. "You'll never find anyone if you're not flexible enough to accept them for who they are," she told me.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Venus193

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #77 on: March 10, 2012, 05:14:15 PM »
There actually are men who aren't into football.  Blanche's ex-husband and my last love were two of them.  However, I have no idea where to hunt for more like them.

Allyson

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #78 on: March 10, 2012, 07:37:56 PM »
Neither my current guy or my ex liked football, or any sports at all. They're both self-identified, geeks though (as am I!) So maybe it's football or video games...:D

Venus193

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #79 on: March 10, 2012, 08:21:24 PM »
Or fencing.  That's what Blanche's ex and my lost love had in common.

Lady Snowdon

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #80 on: March 10, 2012, 11:34:44 PM »
Neither my current guy or my ex liked football, or any sports at all. They're both self-identified, geeks though (as am I!) So maybe it's football or video games...:D

Sadly, you can find guys who are both into football AND video games.  I should know, I'm married to one!

blarg314

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #81 on: March 11, 2012, 12:51:18 AM »
I don't know.  Some characteristics are considered more desirable than others.  No one says, "I want a poor, ugly guy with no sense of humor". 

I have thought less of someone (in my case it has always been a guy) who moans to me, "Why doesn't that stunningly beautiful woman want to date me?"  She should look beyond my looks to the great guy I am."  (sidenote, not that great)  Me, "Do you know anything about her beyond her looks?"  Him, "No". 
Sorry, but if you are generally considered to be 3 on a 10 point scale, don't hold out for a 9 unless you have a lot of something else to offer - like money.


There is definitely something grating about someone who is demanding something in a partner that they cannot provide themselves.  So when a not very attractive, kind of slobby guy moans that the really hot young women aren't interested in them, he's demanding both that his date be physically very attractive when he's not, and that she be able to appreciate his inner beauty, when he isn't willing to grant the same thing to not so hot women. IN that case, I find myself wanting to smack them, and tell them that women are allowed to be just as shallow as he is, and it's not their fault he isn't smoking hot and rich.

That's a very different situation than someone telling you to take the first thing that comes along because you're unlikely to do better.



SisJackson

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #82 on: March 11, 2012, 03:45:26 AM »
Neither my current guy or my ex liked football, or any sports at all. They're both self-identified, geeks though (as am I!) So maybe it's football or video games...:D

Sadly, you can find guys who are both into football AND video games.  I should know, I'm married to one!

Me too, but I don't care for football, so I've laid down the edict that if he's going to watch football he has to actually watch football and not play World of Warcraft - and vice versa; if he's playing his game then I get the TV for whatever I want to watch, even if it's one of my crime dramas he pretends to hate.

Surianne

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #83 on: March 11, 2012, 06:00:19 PM »
I said, "I'm just hoping for one who isn't into football."

She made a face. "You'll never find anyone if you're not flexible enough to accept them for who they are," she told me.

That story made me LOL for real  ;D  If you find two guys who aren't into football, can you send the spare to me? 

Sophia

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #84 on: March 11, 2012, 11:58:30 PM »
My mother told me to not even look.  She found one, my Dad.  They married and were stationed in Germany.  They didn't have a TV, didn't miss it.  They move back to the states near hometowns, still didn't miss it.  They were young and active.  No football watching.  Relatives were so shocked of their TV-less state that they got together and gifted them a TV.  A month later Dad was eating Doritoes while watching football. 

Twik

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #85 on: March 12, 2012, 12:59:16 AM »
Actually, I think my chances of finding a man who doesn't care terribly much about football is much better than hers of finding a millionaire model with world-class love-making skills. But what do I know?
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Raintree

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #86 on: March 12, 2012, 01:53:56 AM »
Come to Canada. I don't know that many guys who are into football. They are all obsessed with hockey!

Ida

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #87 on: March 12, 2012, 02:12:13 AM »
I'll admit I'm still scratching my head over OP's friend's "standards." (Funny thing, the shades of meaning a word can take on.) Those seem more like the breed standards one sees in connection with dog shows than anything to which the word "high" might reasonably be applied.

I'm thinking that if the OP'sF is willing to ~lower~ at least one of her standards and settle for brown eyes she'd do well with a purebred golden retriever.
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MacadamiaNut

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #88 on: March 12, 2012, 04:28:25 AM »
I don't know.  Some characteristics are considered more desirable than others.  No one says, "I want a poor, ugly guy with no sense of humor". 

I have thought less of someone (in my case it has always been a guy) who moans to me, "Why doesn't that stunningly beautiful woman want to date me?"  She should look beyond my looks to the great guy I am."  (sidenote, not that great)  Me, "Do you know anything about her beyond her looks?"  Him, "No". 
Sorry, but if you are generally considered to be 3 on a 10 point scale, don't hold out for a 9 unless you have a lot of something else to offer - like money.

Ugh. I know guys like this.

"Well what about <that other girl who's maybe a 5 on the hottie scale>?"
"Nah, I'm not attracted to her" (Note he's always 'not attracted' to anyone under a 9.  ::) )
"So, you want model girl over there to look beyond your looks and get to know the real you, but you have no interest in looking beyond the reasonably attractive girls looks to get to know the real her...."

::headdesk::

Double Ugh!!  This kind of thinking really bothers me.  As soon as I discover a guy is ONLY into looks, I get completely turned off by him.  The sad part is, even if the so-called 9 dated him, he would be so focused on her looks alone that I can't imagine she'd want to stay with someone who so severely lacked in depth.

OP, I agree with everyone who says to stay clear from saying, "lower your standards" but one thing you could point out to her is that when it happens , she will know.  The list of criteria doesn't really matter.  When I look back at all my boyfriends, no two are anything alike but for one factor: Butterflies and excitement. (ok, maybe that's two factors  ;))
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Sharnita

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Re: How to tell a friend that they are too picky?
« Reply #89 on: March 12, 2012, 06:29:41 AM »
There actually are men who aren't into football.  Blanche's ex-husband and my last love were two of them.  However, I have no idea where to hunt for more like them.

THe further north you go  - they are into hocey instead but football tends to be less of a thing.