Author Topic: Wicked Witches of the Weddings - Evil MIL? From the archive Witches0106-03  (Read 6920 times)

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Hollanda

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 Found this in the archives. My comments in red!

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[/color]To begin with my mother in law to be had a disagreement after my 5th wedding shower. How many wedding showers does one couple need? As I was opening gifts with money or checks in them I had a box decorated as a home and said "Saving for Our Home" written on the side as I would receive money (check or cash) I would another Thank you to Ms...... for contributing to our new home fund I would fold it discretely and drop into the house. My mother in law to be stood up in a room of over 75 guests and screamed "hey tell us how much cash you are rolling in" after I was mortified I said My fiancée and I appreciate each and every gift from you and will use them with the best of intentions. Nice MIL.Thank goodness I was in a room surrounded by ladies that I have known my entire life ladies that could be as close as grandmothers and aunts After the shower she claimed I embarrassed her (how? by being polite when MIL was rude?) and I should have announced how much dough was in the stinking cards because the more cash someone spends on you is how much you mean to them. That morning my fiancée called me at work to tell me that his mother had phoned him and told him that if I couldn't step up my standards of a higher class society (higher class society? Really?) and agree with her then I had 72 hours to return the wedding rings or she was filling a charge with the police claiming I had stolen my wedding set from her home (I had been wearing his maternal grandmothers wedding ring for 11 months and this was 4 weeks before my wedding) He had bought my ring 1 year earlier and after showing it to them she insisting that I wear his grandmother's wedding ring (he is the only grandchild she has). I accepted very gracefully with tears and love both of us are only children and I knew how much love accompanied this ring his grandparents were married for over 50 years. I did return it and married with no ring other than my wedding just to prove that materials were not important to me as her sons love for me. My godparents owed a steak restaurant and asked to give the rehearsal dinner for over 40 people complements of them as one of our gifts. My fiancée and were flattered his parents refused and said that the rehearsal dinner was the grooms parents responsibility and they were having a BBQ. When the night of the dinner came There was a 12 foot long sign saying "congratulations Brian" nothing about me. Who was this actually for then, if not the Happy Couple?? His mother was drunk at 5 when my wedding party arrived and their were only place settings for His father, mother, grandmothers, and my fiancée at the head table. Not only was my name not there but my parents weren't even invited to the dinner. This would have been the point at which I'd have said something discreetly to MIL, if I hadn't done so earlier. And she placed my bridesmaids and groomsman in the corner of the room. And forced my fiancé's bestman (that is very very shy and terrified of crowds) to say a speech with preparation. Best men are supposed to make speeches here in the UK. Is this not the norm in the US? My maid of honor offered for the 2 of them to speak together to help with the fear and my fiancée's mother insisted this dinner was for her son not "that slut he is marring."     Reading through this a few times, I actually feel sorry for the OP. Her MIL sounds like a really fun woman to get along with. But really, if you got to the rehearsal dinner and saw a banner saying "Congratulations fiance" and said nothing about you, and your family were not invited, that would for most people be the start of the red flag and blaring alarms sounding in your head. It's possible the OP was very young at the time, very inexperienced. I do feel that the OP's fiance should have done a whole lot more to support his bride to be.  I hope OP has, since these episodes, developed a Polite Spine...with this MIL she would need it! Please comment below, because to me, OP should have spoken up earlier. I am deliberately not being too harsh on OP, thinking "Young and inexperienced". What say you, eHellions? [/font]
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greencat

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Oh dear.  Something seems to have gone badly wrong with the formatting on your post - the text on it is SO tiny I can't distinguish it as letters unless I blow up the other text on the page to newspaper headline size!

Hollanda

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Apologies for that. I found this in the archives, and thought it was quite strange. My comments in red.


To begin with my mother in law to be had a disagreement after my 5th wedding shower. How many showers does one couple need? As I was opening gifts with money or checks in them I had a box decorated as a home and said "Saving for Our Home" written on the side as I would receive money (check or cash) I would another Thank you to Ms...... for contributing to our new home fund I would fold it discretely and drop into the house. My mother in law to be stood up in a room of over 75 guests and screamed "hey tell us how much cash you are rolling in" after I was mortified I bet you were. I said My fiancée and I appreciate each and every gift from you and will use them with the best of intentions. Thank goodness I was in a room surrounded by ladies that I have known my entire life ladies that could be as close as grandmothers and aunts After the shower she claimed I embarrassed her (really???) and I should have announced how much dough was in the stinking cards because the more cash someone spends on you is how much you mean to them. I never knew that. That morning my fiancée called me at work to tell me that his mother had phoned him and told him that if I couldn't step up my standards of a higher class society (higher class society? Really?) and agree with her then I had 72 hours to return the wedding rings or she was filling a charge with the police claiming I had stolen my wedding set from her home (I had been wearing his maternal grandmothers wedding ring for 11 months and this was 4 weeks before my wedding) He had bought my ring 1 year earlier and after showing it to them she insisting that I wear his grandmother's wedding ring (he is the only grandchild she has). I accepted very gracefully with tears and love both of us are only children and I knew how much love accompanied this ring his grandparents were married for over 50 years. I did return it and married with no ring other than my wedding just to prove that materials were not important to me as her sons love for me. My godparents owed a steak restaurant and asked to give the rehearsal dinner for over 40 people complements of them as one of our gifts. My fiancée and were flattered his parents refused and said that the rehearsal dinner was the grooms parents responsibility and they were having a BBQ. Red flag warning! When the night of the dinner came There was a 12 foot long sign saying "congratulations Brian" nothing about me. Here come the alarms! His mother was drunk at 5 (5? Wow. That is one classy lady!) when my wedding party arrived and their were only place settings for His father, mother, grandmothers, and my fiancée at the head table. Not only was my name not there but my parents weren't even invited to the dinner. (And whose dinner was this?!) And she placed my bridesmaids and groomsman in the corner of the room. And forced my fiancé's bestman (that is very very shy and terrified of crowds) to say a speech with preparation.(In the UK, the best man makes a speech at the wedding...this is just accepted. Is it different in the US?) My maid of honor offered for the 2 of them to speak together to help with the fear and my fiancée's mother insisted this dinner was for her son not "that slut he is marring."  Now I would have said something to MIL. Not confrontational, but I would have said something along the lines of "Do you have a problem with your son wishing to marry me?" It is clear she did have issues, but whether or not these are well founded or just because nobody will be good enough for her son, I don't know. I am not being too harsh on OP here, from reading this she sounds very young/inexperienced. Maybe she has, since this story, developed a polite spine. I really hope so.
So what do you think EHellions?
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greencat

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Oh my.  Just oh my.  I would have wanted to know why my affianced/husband was tolerating his mother mistreating me like that...that's terrible.  MIL was evil, and the bride...I want to say she had no spine, but it seems like the evilness was a sudden change in their relationship and maybe she was just too shocked to react?

squashedfrog

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to be honest, I'd be wondering what Brian was doing while all this was going on, I would have left pretty much when I realised I was not even allowed at the head table.  How did the OP not realise her own parents were not invited to the dinner until she got there?   Were any of her other guests/family invited?

Hollanda

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Oops. I missed out something that I put in my original post...why didn't the fiance stick up for his wife to be in front of his mum? It's hard, I guess, but I know if I heard my mother say anything negative about DF I would certainly say something. I would be inclined to say well the red flag was there when MIL got drunk at 5pm (does she have a problem?) and there was no mention of OP in the banner. I like to think that if this happened to me, I would say something! But tread carefully. Ask maybe "Do you have a problem me marrying your son?" and allow her to tell me what the problem was and see if we could work through it. But these things are hard to do, because you don't want to alienate MIL before the wedding even happens. Calling the OP a slut though? That is just so way out of line that it is hard to see where the line is.

It seems that Brian was just trying to keep the peace. Unfortunately, he didn't manage to do anything other than make him and OP into doormats.
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Venus193

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That is appalling.  The author certainly should have been adamant that her fiance stand up to his mother about this.

The one ironically amusing element to this story is the MIL's insistence that she has any class at all.  Is it rude to laugh at that?

Zilla

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I couldn't read it, it made no sense?  Could you provide the link to the original story or is it all run together like that?

Hollanda

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Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.