Dear Abby - 3/12/12, first letter

[siamesecat2965]

Cell phone use has gotten out of control, as evinced by that person at the NY Philharmonic in January who not only ignored the "Please turn of cell phones" announcement, but also ignored his/her ringing cell phone for 5 whole minutes in the middle of the performance.

I found a follow-up where the guy w/ the iPhone told his side.

-it was a new device, given to him by him company to replace his BlackBerry, so he wasn't familiar with it

-he HAD turned off the phone

-he hadn't realized the device had a timed alarm (like an alarm clock), and he didn't know it was set

-he let it ring because he didn't recognize the ring tone, and it didn't occur to him it could be his (wasn't in his pocket, I think--or didn't vibrate and was muffled enough that he didn't realize it was coming from him

I saw that too, but he could have turned it off completely.  I don't recall it being said that he needed it on vibrate, just in case.  I always turn mine completely off at shows, or anything else like that.  I'm going to NYC on Wed to see a show, and mine will be off as soon as I'm off the train.

[Clair Seulement]

Cell phone use has gotten out of control, as evinced by that person at the NY Philharmonic in January who not only ignored the "Please turn of cell phones" announcement, but also ignored his/her ringing cell phone for 5 whole minutes in the middle of the performance.

I found a follow-up where the guy w/ the iPhone told his side.

-it was a new device, given to him by him company to replace his BlackBerry, so he wasn't familiar with it

-he HAD turned off the phone

-he hadn't realized the device had a timed alarm (like an alarm clock), and he didn't know it was set

-he let it ring because he didn't recognize the ring tone, and it didn't occur to him it could be his (wasn't in his pocket, I think--or didn't vibrate and was muffled enough that he didn't realize it was coming from him

Thanks for the update, I have been curious as to what the deal was ever since I read about this. I myself have a super-old flip phone and even if it's off, it will turn itself on when the alarm goes off, so I see how this could have happened.

[Giraffe, Esq]

Cell phone use has gotten out of control, as evinced by that person at the NY Philharmonic in January who not only ignored the "Please turn of cell phones" announcement, but also ignored his/her ringing cell phone for 5 whole minutes in the middle of the performance.

I found a follow-up where the guy w/ the iPhone told his side.

-it was a new device, given to him by him company to replace his BlackBerry, so he wasn't familiar with it

-he HAD turned off the phone

-he hadn't realized the device had a timed alarm (like an alarm clock), and he didn't know it was set

-he let it ring because he didn't recognize the ring tone, and it didn't occur to him it could be his (wasn't in his pocket, I think--or didn't vibrate and was muffled enough that he didn't realize it was coming from him

I saw that too, but he could have turned it off completely.  I don't recall it being said that he needed it on vibrate, just in case.  I always turn mine completely off at shows, or anything else like that.  I'm going to NYC on Wed to see a show, and mine will be off as soon as I'm off the train.

In response to the bold -- I was under the impression that he had turned it off completely. 

The way the alarm function works, it will turn itself back on in order to sound the alarm.  And that's part of why he had no idea it was his -- he didn't even know that the alarm had been set on his brand new phone, let alone that it would turn itself back on in order to ring.

[blue2000]

Thank you for the link - I was always baffled as to why I was so much more bothered being a captive-witness to a long cell-phone conversation as opposed to a conversation where both parties were "there" - even if the cell-phone user wasn't  being terribly loud.

However, I'll admit that sometimes it's rather entertaining listening to a teen on a cell phone, when clearly it's Mother on the other end........

I was both baffled and entertained by a young woman I used to commute with who would have loud personal conversations. My favourite was the rants about her mother and how Mother expected her to pay the $600+ cell phone bill. How could the daughter save up for a place of her own if she was expected to actually pay bills?!? Such a travesty!!!

That still makes me giggle.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

Cell phone use has gotten out of control, as evinced by that person at the NY Philharmonic in January who not only ignored the "Please turn of cell phones" announcement, but also ignored his/her ringing cell phone for 5 whole minutes in the middle of the performance.

I found a follow-up where the guy w/ the iPhone told his side.

-it was a new device, given to him by him company to replace his BlackBerry, so he wasn't familiar with it

-he HAD turned off the phone

-he hadn't realized the device had a timed alarm (like an alarm clock), and he didn't know it was set

-he let it ring because he didn't recognize the ring tone, and it didn't occur to him it could be his (wasn't in his pocket, I think--or didn't vibrate and was muffled enough that he didn't realize it was coming from him

I saw that too, but he could have turned it off completely.  I don't recall it being said that he needed it on vibrate, just in case.  I always turn mine completely off at shows, or anything else like that.  I'm going to NYC on Wed to see a show, and mine will be off as soon as I'm off the train.

In response to the bold -- I was under the impression that he had turned it off completely. 

The way the alarm function works, it will turn itself back on in order to sound the alarm.  And that's part of why he had no idea it was his -- he didn't even know that the alarm had been set on his brand new phone, let alone that it would turn itself back on in order to ring.

No.  He *thought* he had turned it off.  I just tested this with my iPhone 4.  If the unit is fully powered off (hold the power button for an extended period, and slide the red bar to power off), the unit will *not* turn itself on.  If the unit is in a "soft off" (hold the power bar down until the screen goes black), it will. 

So he failed on two points - he hadn't bothered to find out that an alarm was set (he should have checked the meaning of the little indicators in the top bar of his display) and he didn't bother to find out how to turn it *all the way* off.  If he had done *either* - to say nothing of *both* - he would not have created the problem. Or he could have been less eager to take a brand new gadget he didn't yet know how to use to a venue where the gadget might create a significant disruption. 

[CakeBeret]

I would have snickered if that happened when I was there.  I agree; I will play a game or read a book on my phone if I'm say waiting at the dr., but I have all sound OFF, so you can't hear anything.  Heck, the game noise annoys me sitting at home by myself! 

And I agree about people who yap away on their phones while trying to conduct business.  At my store, ringing someone up means we have to ask them if they're using their store charge, if they say no, ask if they'd like to open one, or ask if they have or would like our reward card.  Then we need to ask if they want the receipt in the bag, with them, etc.  and if someone is yapping or tapping away on their phone, its quite rude, and I feel like I'm also rude for interrupting them.

I still feel horribly guilty about one time, when I was on an airplane. I was listening to music on my headphones and decided to pull out my nintendo DS to play a game. I didn't think to check the volume, since I always keep it turned off, but somehow the volume had gotten jostled on. Since I had my headphones in, I didn't realize it until at least half an hour later, when I took my headphones off and realized my game was playing both background music and sound effects. I was mortified, and I would have been grateful and apologetic if a seatmate had asked me to turn the volume off.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

I would have snickered if that happened when I was there.  I agree; I will play a game or read a book on my phone if I'm say waiting at the dr., but I have all sound OFF, so you can't hear anything.  Heck, the game noise annoys me sitting at home by myself! 

And I agree about people who yap away on their phones while trying to conduct business.  At my store, ringing someone up means we have to ask them if they're using their store charge, if they say no, ask if they'd like to open one, or ask if they have or would like our reward card.  Then we need to ask if they want the receipt in the bag, with them, etc.  and if someone is yapping or tapping away on their phone, its quite rude, and I feel like I'm also rude for interrupting them.

I still feel horribly guilty about one time, when I was on an airplane. I was listening to music on my headphones and decided to pull out my nintendo DS to play a game. I didn't think to check the volume, since I always keep it turned off, but somehow the volume had gotten jostled on. Since I had my headphones in, I didn't realize it until at least half an hour later, when I took my headphones off and realized my game was playing both background music and sound effects. I was mortified, and I would have been grateful and apologetic if a seatmate had asked me to turn the volume off.

None of the cabin staff said anything?  Because I would have asked the staff to have a word with you. 

The person sitting next to you doesn't know you will be gracious and apologetic.  They know that it's loud and annoying - and (like me) they may have witnessed altercations with rude louts who "weren't asked politely enough" to stop bothering the entire car. 

So they decided that rather than risk a personal confrontation with you, they would rather just grind their teeth and pray they could drown out whatever cacophony you were sharing, whether by earplugs or other means.   

Unfortunately, in a plane, it's not like they had an option of going anywhere, and risking an altercation just meant spending that trip with not just the cacophony but potentially directed antipathy from somebody who was already being rude enough. 

[CakeBeret]

I would have snickered if that happened when I was there.  I agree; I will play a game or read a book on my phone if I'm say waiting at the dr., but I have all sound OFF, so you can't hear anything.  Heck, the game noise annoys me sitting at home by myself! 

And I agree about people who yap away on their phones while trying to conduct business.  At my store, ringing someone up means we have to ask them if they're using their store charge, if they say no, ask if they'd like to open one, or ask if they have or would like our reward card.  Then we need to ask if they want the receipt in the bag, with them, etc.  and if someone is yapping or tapping away on their phone, its quite rude, and I feel like I'm also rude for interrupting them.

I still feel horribly guilty about one time, when I was on an airplane. I was listening to music on my headphones and decided to pull out my nintendo DS to play a game. I didn't think to check the volume, since I always keep it turned off, but somehow the volume had gotten jostled on. Since I had my headphones in, I didn't realize it until at least half an hour later, when I took my headphones off and realized my game was playing both background music and sound effects. I was mortified, and I would have been grateful and apologetic if a seatmate had asked me to turn the volume off.

None of the cabin staff said anything?  Because I would have asked the staff to have a word with you. 

The person sitting next to you doesn't know you will be gracious and apologetic.  They know that it's loud and annoying - and (like me) they may have witnessed altercations with rude louts who "weren't asked politely enough" to stop bothering the entire car. 

So they decided that rather than risk a personal confrontation with you, they would rather just grind their teeth and pray they could drown out whatever cacophony you were sharing, whether by earplugs or other means.   

Unfortunately, in a plane, it's not like they had an option of going anywhere, and risking an altercation just meant spending that trip with not just the cacophony but potentially directed antipathy from somebody who was already being rude enough. 

Cabin staff didn't say anything either. I felt absolutely horrible--I know how obnoxious those noises are. I wouldn't have blamed them one bit for talking to a flight attendant or anything else--but like you said, they had no idea whether or not I'd be reasonable.

[weschicky]

I LOVED Abby's reply.

Funniest/saddest cell-phone-on-a-train incident I've witnessed: got on a commuter train waiting at the end of the line at about 11 am on a weekday, heading into downtown.  Couldn't figure out why the conductor was hanging out in the seat behind me, leaning intently forward.  About ten seconds later I realized the woman sitting about five rows up, facing away from me, was on her cell phone, alternating between weeping and begging the person on the other line, "Baby, please don't leave me today...." and screaming "you think I got myself pregnant?!?!  Of course this baby's yours!  I've never cheated on you, mother expletive-r"  It was like Jerry Springer, entertaining in a horrible, sad, reality television kind of way.  The ENTIRE car was riveted the whole way into downtown (45 whole minutes!), and when she made a particularly snappy comeback, all of us behind her were looking around at each other like, "Aw, SNAP! Oh no she DIDN'T!"  That is the one and only time I've let a rude cell phone talker slide.

[WillyNilly]

Not too long ago, on my express bus a guy got on and found seat the whole time on his phone (and was a bit annoying PA in that I heard him say into the phone "just finding a seat here if this woman will let me sit..." and really it appeared she didn't have bags on the seat or anything, all he needed to do was sit).  Yap yap yap.  I could hear him but he was in front of me, so it wasn't too bad for me.  But overall both he and I were seated towards the back of the bus.  I guess at some point he said something offensive or his seatmate just had enough and I heard him say loudly "hold on" into the phone then loudly to the woman next to him "I'm allowed to talk on the phone, I'm not bothering anyone!" and I heard her soft voice say "yes, actually its quite distracting." and then another guy diagonally in front of him turned and said "you're bothering me!" and then about 4 other people called out he was bothering them.  He got all in a huff  and told the person on the phone he would be hanging up and in doing so closed with "yes I'm a bus, I told you that!  What?  You too?*  That's crazy.  Its allowed to talk on the phone on a bus! Goodbye!" 

* This was said in a tone to imply the person on the other end was also aghast he'd been bothering everyone.

[Frostblooded]

As long as the woman on the cell phone having the conversation isn't talking loudly and above the rest of people carrying normal conversation, there is nothing rude about it. If she is talking over normal conversation level and is being loud and obnoxious she is rude, just like anyone else would be rude in a conversation between two people doing this.

[Lynnv]

As long as the woman on the cell phone having the conversation isn't talking loudly and above the rest of people carrying normal conversation, there is nothing rude about it. If she is talking over normal conversation level and is being loud and obnoxious she is rude, just like anyone else would be rude in a conversation between two people doing this.

POD.  It might be distracting-but it isn't rude, IMO.  I would guess, as Abby did, that this person was not being quiet, since she is being asked repeatedly to quit bothering people.  But talking quietly on the phone on public transit is no ruder than an in person conversation, even if it is more distracting.  Presuming, of course, that one isn't in the quiet car, where even quiet conversation is too much.

[melicious]

As long as the woman on the cell phone having the conversation isn't talking loudly and above the rest of people carrying normal conversation, there is nothing rude about it. If she is talking over normal conversation level and is being loud and obnoxious she is rude, just like anyone else would be rude in a conversation between two people doing this.

I agree.

[hobish]

I would have snickered if that happened when I was there.  I agree; I will play a game or read a book on my phone if I'm say waiting at the dr., but I have all sound OFF, so you can't hear anything.  Heck, the game noise annoys me sitting at home by myself! 

And I agree about people who yap away on their phones while trying to conduct business.  At my store, ringing someone up means we have to ask them if they're using their store charge, if they say no, ask if they'd like to open one, or ask if they have or would like our reward card.  Then we need to ask if they want the receipt in the bag, with them, etc.  and if someone is yapping or tapping away on their phone, its quite rude, and I feel like I'm also rude for interrupting them.

I still feel horribly guilty about one time, when I was on an airplane. I was listening to music on my headphones and decided to pull out my nintendo DS to play a game. I didn't think to check the volume, since I always keep it turned off, but somehow the volume had gotten jostled on. Since I had my headphones in, I didn't realize it until at least half an hour later, when I took my headphones off and realized my game was playing both background music and sound effects. I was mortified, and I would have been grateful and apologetic if a seatmate had asked me to turn the volume off.

If it makes you feel any better, the first time I was on a plane the guy 2 seats over from me, next to Gish was playing Donkey Kong on a Gameboy. For some absurd reason we both found it comforting. I was nervous and trying to get in my “bubble” and Gish was nervous and trying to talk my ear off, and Doo-doo-doo-doodoo-dooddooodooodoooDoo just made it all a little better somehow. We laughed about it after.

[DottyG]

There's a reason why people talk louder on cell phones, you know.

Most of us grew up with landlines.  Landlines have a microphone in the receiver that amplifies your voice into the ear piece. When you talk into a landline, your voice is replayed through the earpiece.  You hear your own voice clearly.  It's like a DJ.  They wear headphones, speak into a mic and hear their voice in the headphones.

Cell phones don't amplify your voice into the earpiece.  The sound you're hearing is from your mouth.  You wouldn't think the distance between your mouth and your own ear is that large, but it is when compared to that of a phone speaker that's up against your ear.  We hear our own voice as much softer while speaking into our cell phones.  So our natural reaction IS TO SPEAK UP.

Cell phones are now common but they're really actually still new enough that we subconsciously are acting like they're landlines.