Unwanted Guest Dilemma -- 1st Update at #17

[Venus193]

I have previously mentioned a guest from Eunice's Christmas party who stuck her used fork in all the serving dishes.  A couple of days later this same person said something to offend Steve, who now also doesn't want her at any of their future parties.

Unfortunately, the husband of this woman is in charge of something at a gallery both my friends exhibit in a couple of times a year.  They are also acquainted with about half the invitees for the St. Patrick's Day party.  Eunice also gets a strange vibe from the husband although she isn't sure what that means.

The double-dipper has called and left messages about every other day for the past two weeks.  Neither Eunice nor Steve has returned any calls.  The e-mail invitation will be going out tonight.

They really don't want these people at the party, but there could be repercussions to excluding them.  What would you do?

[Sophia]

Any possibility of changing the menu, or the serving method?  Mainly to be something that can't be double-dipped because it is already in single-servings? 

[Bibliophile]

Any possibility of changing the menu, or the serving method?  Mainly to be something that can't be double-dipped because it is already in single-servings?

This.  If they have to be invited I'd have single serving items only.  Lots of gherkins on toothpicks 

[Outdoor Girl]

Personally, I wouldn't invite them.  But I'm not sure I fully understand the gallery ramifications.  If this is the only gallery where they can show their work, I agree with Sophia and Bibliophile.  But if there are other potential galleries, albeit needing some legwork, then I wouldn't invite them.  I wouldn't want to maintain a friendship with the woman.

[O'Dell]

So the repercussions, if any, would be for the artist friends? I say give Double-Dipper and her husband the benefit of the doubt. Assume that they aren't petty and that they won't take not being invited out on the friends. Leave them off the guest list.

And if they get a hold of Steve and/or Eunice and ask why, then they had to limit the number of guests they could have this year and offer some cold leftover bean dip.

[VorFemme]

Single servings of any foods - and the eating utensisl should be something like toothpicks or chopsticks.  No forks or spoons that "Double Dip Annie" can use to eat with then try to stick the used utensil into other people's plates......

Is it possible to serve cookies and punch - already served on napkins? 

"Double Dip Annie" should have been taught better at a much younger age - if not kindergarten, the first grade.

[Kaypeep]

If Eunice and Steve believe the husband's friendship is valuable for their art business purposes, then they need to figure out a way to maintain the relationship so that the husband still likes them. But that doesn't mean inviting them to their home.  I would return the double dipper's call and apologize for the delayed reply, state they've been SO BUSY, but would love to get together and just plan to have drinks with her and her husband someplace.  Basically, socialize with them a bit, but don't invite them to your house where she can ruin the food, and if she says something else offensive you can make excuses and exit the place ASAP politely instead of ignoring it and seething in your own home. 

Better yet,  drop by the gallery and chat with the husband. Talk business, maybe grab lunch.  Maintain that relationship but don't socialize with the wife.  Bean dip her and don't be pressured to include her in future invites.  Be polite and friendly, but beandip on the parties.  If they are close to any mutual friends who are invited, talk to the mutual friends and ask them to please not blab about the party, because times are tough and you had to reduce the invite list and you don't want anyone to have any  hurt feelings if they were not invited this year.

[Roe]

Only they can answer if it's worth the ramifications.

Why haven't they spoken to double dipper privately?  I think if it's important for double dipper to be invited, then I'd have a quiet word with her.

[Venus193]

I spoke to Steve about an hour ago.  There is a mutual friend he intends to speak with know this couple better than he does and who therefore may be of assistance.

As to a possible menu change, one item on the menu will be my oven-fried chicken (drumsticks only for simplicity).  I can pick up toothpicks for the shrimp and set up the platters to have a lemon half to put the used ones into.  I bought larger picks that could go into the slices of my onion tart to identify single servings.  However, most of the ingredients for the standard party salads have been purchased and I am not withdrawing the Shamrock Pasta salad or the 5-bean salad.

The party might actually be larger this year because another friend of theirs is celebrating publication of his new book.  If this is the case, he will also be providing food.

On principle I hate the idea of compromising the menu because of one guest who needs an etiquette lesson no matter who that person is.

ETA to Roe:  In a previous post about this I mentioned that Eunice did take this woman aside and tell her that her actions were unacceptable.  The response was "I don't get out much; I didn't know I was doing anything wrong."

[JeanFromBNA]

Follow her around with a spray bottle of water, and when she does something objectionable, say firmly, "No!  Stop!" 

I suppose that's not possible.  Is eat feasible to dish everything out into single servings in cups, small dishes, cupcake liners, doilies?

[Venus193]

That is not a practical solution.  There could be as many as 60 people over the course of the evening in a railroad-style apartment.  Preparing individual servings or finger foods for that many people is time-consuming and Eunice doesn't have the refrigerator space for this.

I look at this in the same way I would look at a pwecious picky eater in that there is no good reason to turn a menu inside out to accommodate one bad guest. 

Eunice, Steve, and I will be speaking again before I go over on Friday to start food prep.  If necessary I will propose the idea of the three of us taking turns keeping an eye on the table.  Since this woman has been spoken to before on this I will now have no compunction about addressing it again with her if necessary.  When I provide and/or prepare food for a party I put a lot of time and effort into it and I will not have it ruined.

[LazyDaisy]

I wouldn't involve third parties to talk to double-dip (DDip) and her husband (HDip) about their etiquette. That just embarrasses everyone including the third party and puts DDip and HDip on the defensive about the public humiliation. Eunice and Steve need to put their big pants on and talk directly to the offenders if they want to cut ties. If DDip and her husband are really so bad, others have noticed and there might not be as many social repercussions as you might think. It might be that everyone has secretly been wanting to distance themselves but afraid of the perceived consequences.

In a grown up world, HDip wouldn't let personal problems with Steve affect the art gallery business. Presumably, the gallery needs popular artists to exhibit as much as (or maybe more than) an established artist needs a reputable gallery, especially in the internet age.

And now Evil Daisy wants to add that feuds have been the source of free publicity in artistic circles since cave men argued over cave vandalism vs. art of their cave paintings -- sometimes to the mutual benefit of artist and gallery. People love a juicy drama when they are observers rather than participants. 

[chibichan]

DDip has already been spoken to and ( sort of ) acknowledged her etiquette breach .

I would give her one last chance , keep a close eye on her , and pounce the minute I saw a used fork heading towards a community dish .

" DDip , we spoke of this before - it is unsanitary to put your used fork in a community dish . People will stop inviting you to parties . We wouldn't want that , would we ? "

If she was indeed clueless on the first occasion , then the above phrasing will serve to put her on notice .

Do it again , and you will not be invited back .

[Roe]

ETA to Roe:  In a previous post about this I mentioned that Eunice did take this woman aside and tell her that her actions were unacceptable.  The response was "I don't get out much; I didn't know I was doing anything wrong."

Sorry, I must've missed that.  Wow, if she's that "special" then I'd just go with not inviting her. 

[Venus193]

Would this sign be an etiquette felony?: