Inappropriate comment about my mother... wwyd? Update #19

[Aryanna]

I was flipping through some of my aunt's pictures on Facebook today and I came across a cute one of her two boys working on a gingerbread house at my parents kitchen table. In the background you can see my Mother's back as she finishes up the dishes. I'm off to the side drying...

The issue is a comment underneath... "Cute boys... and the woman in her proper place".

I do not know the commenter and I did not post the picture, so I have no way of taking it down. What I want to write is in no way ehell approved, but goes along the lines of "That's MY MOTHER you're talking about!"

Sure, it could be a joke that my aunt and this person have going but I just find it completely offensive and I know my mother would as well if she had a facebook account. I plan on telling my aunt about it asap, but we've just lost my great grandfather... I don't want to trouble her with it now. The only reason I came across it was because I was trying to find a picture of Pa to use at the service on Thursday.

Would I be justified in Private messaging the offending commenter? Should I just leave it until Auntie can take down the comment? What would you do?

[Miriam]

Private message your Aunt instead. I wouldn't confront the commenter; you don't know him or the true intention of the comment, some people have strange dynamics when it comes to personal jokes. . . or he may just be rude but it's still up to your Aunt to edit photos and comments.

[Isometric]

It's a joke in poor taste. There are come backs for those "woman in the kitchen" jokes, like "yes, the kitchen, you mean where all the knives are" etc etc but honestly I'd just ignore it. I don't think it was done maliciously, just as a dumb joke.

[hannahmollysmom]

I think it was a joke too, but in poor taste. There have been a run on bad woman jokes lately like " go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich" type stuff. I think that is what the person was trying to do. I would just ignore it.

[FoxPaws]

We've said over and over on this board that what people choose to put on their own Facebook pages is their business. Your aunt is aware of the photo and the comment and has not removed either - I'd take that to mean it does not offend her.

The most you can do is untag your mother if she's tagged. Telling off your aunt or her friends is out of line.

[Aryanna]

We've said over and over on this board that what people choose to put on their own Facebook pages is their business. Your aunt is aware of the photo and the comment and has not removed either - I'd take that to mean it does not offend her.

The most you can do is untag your mother if she's tagged. Telling off your aunt or her friends is out of line.

I don't believe my aunt is aware of the situation. She is not a "regular" facebook user by any means. I will mention it to her, but as I mentioned in the original post we're all in a difficult place at the moment I don't think facebook comments are high on her priority list. No matter how offensive.

I would never "tell off" my aunt for what her friend posted, and I quickly stopped myself from even saying anything to the friend. What I would have mentioned in a private message would have been my polite dismay that he would speak about my Mother in such a manner. I do not find it funny, nor would the subject of the "joke".

[TootsNYC]

I think you're way too sensitive on this point.

The comment is not about your mother at all. It has nothing to do with her, personally.

It's about whatever random woman is performing a stereotypically "domestic female" activity.

It's a bad joke. The mere fact that she made it says, to me, that she doesn't actually believe all women belong in the kitchen.

It's not even the most offensive thing someone can say about someone's mother, and certainly it's not a particularly offensive joke.

[Kaypeep]

I think you're way too sensitive on this point.

The comment is not about your mother at all. It has nothing to do with her, personally.

It's about whatever random woman is performing a stereotypically "domestic female" activity.

It's a bad joke. The mere fact that she made it says, to me, that she doesn't actually believe all women belong in the kitchen.

It's not even the most offensive thing someone can say about someone's mother, and certainly it's not a particularly offensive joke.

POD to all of this.  Especially that it's not about your mom, it's about women in general.  I think you need to drop it and move on.

[Harriet Jones]

You can also block this guy so you don't see any comments from him

[Mikayla]

I think your choices are to mention it to your aunt, or do nothing.  I would never PM a stranger about a comment like this. 

[MrsJWine]

This is a joke we frequently make in my family. It's OUR joke and no one else's business if we all find it funny. Anyone who actually knows me or my husband knows that it's a joke (and not even a joke-with-a-grain-of-truth) because it's so ludicrous.

Is your mom on Facebook? She can probably take care of herself. If she's not on Facebook, do you think this joke would bother her? If not, stay out of it. If she's not on Facebook, and you do think it would bother her, I'd maybe PM your aunt or talk to your mom. But I wouldn't do anything else.

[FoxPaws]

Have you given any thought to what you'll do if it turns out your aunt is fine with the comment and sees no reason to remove it?

[TurtleDove]

I would simply drop this.  IMHO, you are taking offense where none was intended, and wasting energy on something that likely does not even register for anyone else.  I am not sure what you are trying to accomplish, but what I think you will accomplish if you confront the commenter or bring this up to your mother or to your aunt is to elicit reactions of "wow, what an overreaction."

[Perfect Circle]

I would simply drop this.  IMHO, you are taking offense where none was intended, and wasting energy on something that likely does not even register for anyone else.  I am not sure what you are trying to accomplish, but what I think you will accomplish if you confront the commenter or bring this up to your mother or to your aunt is to elicit reactions of "wow, what an overreaction."

I agree. I'd just ignore it completely. In my opinion this isn't something worth acting upon.

[HappilyInsane]

If your Mother's face isn't visible, then how can you be sure the commenter didn't think it was your Aunt instead? Maybe this person is someone that can joke around with your Aunt this way and just mistakenly assumed it was her. I doubt very seriously that it was the poster's intent to insult your mother. I also think you might be overreacting just a touch.