In November, an old friend, "Rufus," who moved to another state years ago sent me and several others (it seems to say 70), a message on Facebook telling us to save the date of his son's bar mitzvah. Several of us responded with stuff like "Yay, can't wait" or "darn, can't do it" and he responded to at least one of them.
This wasn't just a post or "status update" on his Facebook page readable by anyone, it was a message sent to each of us. Rufus is a single adoptive parent, so there's no issue of miscommunication with a spouse.
We were touched that he included us in his list. My husband can't go, but I thought I would, and indicated that in my response. I probably wouldn't have gone to the trouble and expense to travel a few hundred miles for this, as we really are not in such close touch with Rufus anymore, but it would have been nice to see him again and support this little family, and also my son and daughter-in-law live nearby, so not only would I not have to pay for a hotel, I would get a little visit with them, too, if I went.
Well, you know what comes next. The bar mitzvah is at the end of this month, and we haven't gotten an invitation. With apologies for a sexist assumption, I kind of figured that very late didn't mean no invitation would be forthcoming from a single guy. But now it's really high time, I should think.
Now, truthfully, I really don't care if Rufus doesn't/didn't invite us -- yeah, yeah, I know, it's an eHell damnable offense to send a save-the-date and then no invitation, and I assume that goes for a Facebook message (not a general Facebook post) save-the-date, too -- but I'm not concerned about that. It would be nice to go, but I don't really care if I miss it, and it is a kind of inconvenient weekend for me anyway, so I'd prefer not to go. And I'm not offended. My question isn't whether he should have invited us.
The problem is this: I would just as soon not say anything and not have to go. I was all set to do that, but then I realized that he may well have sent us an invitation that we didn't get. We moved several years ago, I think since the last time he would have had reason to know our address, and I don't know whether he knows that. So if he sent an invitation to our old address, we would not have gotten it, or it may be on its slow way -- our post office sometimes catches things sent to our old address (3 blocks away), and redelivers them to us. Sometimes.
So that inclines me to contact Rufus and delicately inquire whether he is expecting us or something like that. I'm sure I can figure out a way to do it tactfully, and he won't get offended. That's not an issue either.
Here's the sticky part:
If he did invite us, and we just didn't get the invitation, I'll be glad I mentioned it, because otherwise he is left wondering why he hasn't heard from us. I know that when I am the host, I definitely want guests who have reason to know they were invited, and whom I did invite but who never received the invitation, to contact me.
But! If he didn't invite us, of course he will feel like he must and will do so, and I don't want that to happen.
In either case, I end up being invited -- and then won't I have to accept?
So I don't really want to ask him. If he didn't invite us, I don't have to. But if he did invite us, I should. And I don't know which is the case!
Okay, this has all been very confusing -- sorry. But I think you get the point. I need your advice! Thanks in advance.