Do I need to provide a gluten free option?

[CakeBeret]

I'm having a small birthday party for my son next week. It's just immediate family and we'll have maybe 15 people there. It's a 2pm party so not at a mealtime, but in DH's family ALL parties must include meal-level food so we're ordering pizza. We'll also have fresh veggies and dip, and cake. The party will be 2 hours long.

My mother is gluten intolerant, and will not be able to eat the cake or the pizza. None of the other guests have any food restrictions. I've already told her what food we're having so she's not caught off-guard that there's not much for her to eat.   Do I need to provide some sort of gluten free pizza (or other meal item) and a gluten free dessert for my mother?

[O'Dell]

I don't think you "have" to per etiquette. My preference is for the host and guest to talk about options when there are special diets/restrictions. Ask her if she wants you to provide a meal for her. If so, any ideas on what she'd like and/or you can make suggestions based on what might work for you or even what she might want to bring herself. Given the nature and timing of the party, I'm guessing she'll say no to a meal.

[Teenyweeny]

If you *know* that someone is coming who can't eat (almost) any of the food you provide, then I think it would be slightly churlish to not provide more options. This counts double if you actually *like* that person and want them to have a good time!

Maybe lose one of the pizzas and provide a hearty salad and some gluten-free bread? Or potato wedges and dip?

[NyaChan]

I think you should call your mom and ask "Mom, I was picking out what I'd make for you instead of the pizza/cake, do you have any ideas?"  That way if she doesn't want the food she can say, "oh don't bother" but if she does, she won't feel like she's asking you to do something troublesome.  I know if someone came to me and said, "hey I know I told you I'm serving a meal that you won't be able to eat with your restrictions, did you want me to make something separate for you?"  I would feel as if I were putting them out if said yes - as in it makes it clear to me that if it weren't for me, they wouldn't have to do the extra work.

Plus POD to Teenyweeny - not nice to invite someone you know can't eat the main meal and not have food for them.

[Yvaine]

I think given that you know of this restriction, you should try to have something she can eat.

If it were a case of "I'm inviting some people and I have no idea if they have restrictions," I don't think you'd need to have GF food just in case, but this isn't a just in case thing. And I agree with NyaChan, don't ask her if she wants you to make something separate. Just have something separate. If you ask, she may feel like she should decline out of guilt.

[Jones]

I am gluten free myself. This weekend I went to a St Patrick's party with my husband's family. I was able to eat the corned beef, veggies, and potatoes, but had to skip on the macaroni salad, dinner rolls and spice cake.

I was glad to know the menu ahead of time, because I felt comfortable with bringing an alternative dessert (green gelatin with pineapple and whipped cream...mmm...) and didn't have to sit talking to people who were obviously enjoying their spice cake while I had nothing.

Betty Crocker has some good GF mixes, if you want to make some easy GF cupcakes for your mom. Also, a little fruit salad can go a long way. One of my friends recently made a Chex mix that was GF for one of our get togethers that really touched me, because she'd done it with the sole purpose of making sure I could eat something there.

What I'm saying is, it would be kind of you to have some more options for your guest; you don't have to, and technically you fulfilled your obligation by letting her know the menu ahead of time...but it would be nice.

[Outdoor Girl]

I wouldn't worry about providing a GF equivalent to the pizza and cake but it would be nice to provide something your Mom can eat.  So some sort of protein in place of pizza, maybe even just cheese and GF crackers, she can eat the veggies, and maybe a fruit cup for dessert?

Having an entire GF pizza or an entire GF mix made into cupcakes seems kind of wasteful for one person.

[CakeBeret]

I wouldn't worry about providing a GF equivalent to the pizza and cake but it would be nice to provide something your Mom can eat.  So some sort of protein in place of pizza, maybe even just cheese and GF crackers, she can eat the veggies, and maybe a fruit cup for dessert?

Having an entire GF pizza or an entire GF mix made into cupcakes seems kind of wasteful for one person.

I like the cheese and GF crackers idea.

How would it be to have ice cream (for everyone) that Mom can eat as well?

[Outdoor Girl]

I think the ice cream would be fine.

[WillyNilly]

I think perhaps fruit salad and whipped cream could be a nice addition.  Its a healthy option if you have guests watching their diets, it keeps well in the fridge for a few days if there are left overs, it can be served with or without cake, and its gluten free.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  I think in many mother daughter relationships you can ask your mom.  I would go with the ice cream and a meaty salad (cause I know my mom likes that and would consider it lunch)

[CakeBeret]

I think perhaps fruit salad and whipped cream could be a nice addition.  Its a healthy option if you have guests watching their diets, it keeps well in the fridge for a few days if there are left overs, it can be served with or without cake, and its gluten free.

Fruit is crazy expensive here right now, so I'll have to check and see if that's doable. But that would probably be a better option than ice cream.

[Zilla]

I would even go to a bakery and buy a GF cupcake for her. But that's me.


I agree with others, you don't have to provide a whole pizza/cake but having an alternative for her to enjoy would be nice.  A GF bag of chips, a small meal if she is hungry etc.

[jaxsue]

One of my brothers and his wife, my SIL, have a GF diet. One of their DDs also has this limitation.

If they were to be a guest at my home, I'd definitely make sure they had food options. My local grocery store, Wegmans, has an awesome GF section. There'd be plenty of food to buy to make sure they are taken care of. It's not a big deal, IMO. It'd be good hosting.

[TootsNYC]

I do think that if you know of this sort of thing, you *do* have a responsibility to offer hospitality to your guests. What sort of hospitality are you offering to your mom? None. And she's your MOM.

So when this sort of thing is known, yes, I think etiquette says you need to offer them food that, medically speaking, they can eat. Ethically as well.

I can't imagine you'd think it was okay to have a vegan over to dinner and serve baked beans w/ bacon, mashed potatoes w/ butter and cream, string beans w/ bacon, corn w/ butter, sauteed carrots with butter, salad with anchovies, and lamb. Oh, and break w/ sausage bits in it.