Author Topic: Bridal Showers? (UK)  (Read 6253 times)

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Hollanda

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #15 on: March 20, 2012, 01:48:51 PM »
Well on my hen night we went out for drinks and a nice meal- oh and we really did chill- literally- half of my friends couldn't come because of the snow!

Well mine is June, so I hope (!) there will be none of that white stuff!!!

I just hope I don't end up in eHell after it lol!!!  ::)
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Anniissa

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #16 on: March 20, 2012, 01:52:20 PM »
Sounds like a fab day Hollanda - Chinese is always a good option! A little pampering is also always a good thing I think. It's nice to get the chance to do something you wouldn't necessarily do otherwise and always great to catch up with people you haven't seen in ages.

I think you were absolutely right on the no gifts thing - that would feel weird. Not as weird as a stripper mind   :o Do people really do that? I would've killed my bridesmaids if there was a stripper - I thought it was bad enough that people made you dress up in ridiculous things. I love a bit of dressing up and could live with a feather boa or tiara or something but some of the stuff you see poor brides out in rather scared me!

Hollanda

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #17 on: March 20, 2012, 01:58:14 PM »
Sounds like a fab day Hollanda - Chinese is always a good option! A little pampering is also always a good thing I think. It's nice to get the chance to do something you wouldn't necessarily do otherwise and always great to catch up with people you haven't seen in ages.

I think you were absolutely right on the no gifts thing - that would feel weird. Not as weird as a stripper mind   :o Do people really do that? I would've killed my bridesmaids if there was a stripper - I thought it was bad enough that people made you dress up in ridiculous things. I love a bit of dressing up and could live with a feather boa or tiara or something but some of the stuff you see poor brides out in rather scared me!

The stripper thing thankfully is not as common now as it used to be. I think I would die a thousand deaths to have to stand on a stage with a well-oiled fella and have to rub oil...well, ugh. No, thanks. The thought of everyone watching me and screeching really doesn't sound like my sort of thing!!

Re the dressing up...some brides go all out, some don't. I want really a bit of both.  My idea is all my hens are dressed up as Pink Ladies from Grease (with black jackets on and T-shirts with my picture and their names on the back). I will be dressed as Sandy.  I can't stand the idea of some of the stuff. The veil with the L plate? Maybeeeee...not decided. I will have a sash, as will MOTB and MOTG.   8) It seems to be each to their own in the UK.

Bars and pubs will often turn away a large group of women, especially on a hen night, unless they are eating there. Sadly there is a lot of trouble with hen nights, stag nights and students. I've seen it, especially in my city. There are no go areas. It' sad, because most people are cool, just want a few drinks, have a chat etc, but some groups really get far too drunk too quickly. It ruins it for everyone else.  My hen night will be fun, but quite tame compared to most.

As my Mum says (and I do agree with this), I am a mother of a baby now. It doesn't look good to go out and get hammered. However, that does not mean I cannot have any fun.  ;D It just means I get to remember it the next day!!
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Clair Seulement

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #18 on: March 20, 2012, 02:14:23 PM »
OH, how I envy you UKsters on this issue!!!!! Nothing has engendered more hard feelings and etiquette debates than the Shower Question. As someone who has just been married and plans to have a child, I can't say more adamantly that I wish these things would go the way of the pager. There's no. way. to have one without coming out and asking for gifts which we all agree is rude; they are not fun (we're being honest here, are we not?); people feel entitled to them (see below); people have too many of them (see all over these boards)...

Then there's my favorite conundrum. Your family is *never* supposed to throw you a bridal shower. But, as a bride you're supposed to pepper your bridal party with as many members of your family as you can or there'll be hard feelings...

I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding, for which the (second-time) bride has made known that she wants a dinner to "celebrate the wedding" *instead of a shower*. As though it's a no-brainer that she's entitled to one free party paid for by the people of her choosing. As if the *reception* is not where one "celebrates the wedding." This is also to say nothing of whatever bachelorette's (virtually unheard of until the '90s) deluxe pre-honeymoon resort vacation I'll be expected to fund. Only in America, I guess.

Hollanda

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #19 on: March 20, 2012, 02:23:54 PM »
I received something weird in the post lol. Clair Seulement, your post reminded me.

A UK store which has tried to get me to register there (I think I will), sent me information on a "pre-wedding female only paradise spot." Apparently for 400 each you can get a premium room in a 5 star hotel of your choice in a number of "stunning" resorts to celebrate "the end of your single life in style." I never knew anyone could be so gauche!   The store in question can also let people register to pay for your honeymoon as they have a deal going with a tour operator. I hate, hate, hate the whole thing!

In this day and age, who can afford that?!
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Clair Seulement

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #20 on: March 20, 2012, 02:34:25 PM »
I received something weird in the post lol. Clair Seulement, your post reminded me.

A UK store which has tried to get me to register there (I think I will), sent me information on a "pre-wedding female only paradise spot." Apparently for 400 each you can get a premium room in a 5 star hotel of your choice in a number of "stunning" resorts to celebrate "the end of your single life in style." I never knew anyone could be so gauche!   The store in question can also let people register to pay for your honeymoon as they have a deal going with a tour operator. I hate, hate, hate the whole thing!

In this day and age, who can afford that?!

Celebrate the end of your single life by blowing your and your fiance's nest egg! Nice. So now we're up to honeymoon, and these pre-wedding trips for bride *and* groom. Soon it will be pre-bachelorette-trip "planning" weekends or something.

The honeymoon registry is very distasteful to me as well. Wedding gifts are to set up your life as a couple, not to fund luxury travel that you cannot otherwise afford! Especially if you've already taken the "end of single life" trip, how presumptuous!

Hollanda

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #21 on: March 20, 2012, 02:46:42 PM »
I received something weird in the post lol. Clair Seulement, your post reminded me.

A UK store which has tried to get me to register there (I think I will), sent me information on a "pre-wedding female only paradise spot." Apparently for 400 each you can get a premium room in a 5 star hotel of your choice in a number of "stunning" resorts to celebrate "the end of your single life in style." I never knew anyone could be so gauche!   The store in question can also let people register to pay for your honeymoon as they have a deal going with a tour operator. I hate, hate, hate the whole thing!

In this day and age, who can afford that?!

Celebrate the end of your single life by blowing your and your fiance's nest egg! Nice. So now we're up to honeymoon, and these pre-wedding trips for bride *and* groom. Soon it will be pre-bachelorette-trip "planning" weekends or something.

The honeymoon registry is very distasteful to me as well. Wedding gifts are to set up your life as a couple, not to fund luxury travel that you cannot otherwise afford! Especially if you've already taken the "end of single life" trip, how presumptuous!

POD. I think that is why I hate it because it assumes so much. It assumes that is how people want to spend their money if indeed they want to get us a gift at all!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I try so hard not to be a gift grabber, then I get these stupid suggestions from well meaning people (my mother for example lol!) and I just despair!
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Tilt Fairy

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #22 on: March 20, 2012, 04:31:48 PM »
The UK might not be perfect but one of the things I absolutely love about my little island of a country is that bridal showers and baby showers are not done, although they do appear to be on the up ( and on the up I mean like maybe I'll get invited to two in my lifetime now instead of one). In fact, gift-giving in the UK is just not really done or expected by anyone. It's the reason why in the UK people don't host things for you. You do it yourself. The whole concept of birthdays, gifts, 'guest of honour', parties etc... is just so unbelievably different to the concept of it in the US that it's almost like living on a different planet. The concept of birthdays here is just seen as so, well, unimportant. Wedding registries used to be uncommon but now they are used by I'd say 50% of British couples.

Over the age of about 12 over here, people don't really give or expect gifts for birthdays thats why when you become an adult, it's so ingrained that gifts are so unimportant and irrelevant and almost embarassing that things like showers or birthdays don't need to be hosted. In fact, for these reasons, they don't even want to be hosted! Any gifts received will of course be accepted graciously and with thanks but the general consensus is people just get together to have a good time. There's not even a general consensus that things are celebrated to 'toast to you' or that you're the 'centre of attention' or the 'guest of honour' unless it's your wedding day.

I'd probably say 90% of people's birthdays in the UK are celebrated like this: An email is sent round at about 10 minutes to 5pm to friends to coworkers saying "Hey just to let you know, we're off to the pub (we love the pub) after work for a couple of birthday beers and perhaps to watch the football, feel free to drop in and join us for a pint" either that or you just text a couple of friends who know its your birthday coming up saying "what you up to saturday? fancy going out for a meal or something and maybe a couple of drinks". And that's how birthday celebrations come about. People over here really use birthdays as an extra (additional) excuse to go out and get wasted, to joke around with friends, drown out their sorrows of their miserable jobs or to try and hook up with the hot blonde from the office. Buying the birthday girl/boy a pint of beer is probably as far as the gift giving goes unless it's like your best friend or S/O.

In the UK, I rarely hear people refer to their birthdays or any other events as 'parties' more as come out and let's 'par-tay'.

There's a lot I adore about America but I love our attitude towards gifts over here!

stargazer

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #23 on: March 20, 2012, 06:41:14 PM »
  My idea is all my hens are dressed up as Pink Ladies from Grease (with black jackets on and T-shirts with my picture and their names on the back). I will be dressed as Sandy. 

That sounds...expensive.  All you paying for all of that (new black jackets if your picture is on it they can't use what they have and shirts)?

Hollanda

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #24 on: March 21, 2012, 03:35:05 AM »
We're debating it still.

Other idea is "Black and white" as everyone has something black and something white...we're at the moment talking to a family friend who does T Shirt printing for very good prices. It is quite likely that the black jackets wouldn't be necessary in June, meaning that the idea isn't really feasible. But we still have plenty of time really to sort it out!  8)
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squashedfrog

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #25 on: March 21, 2012, 05:38:08 AM »
The UK might not be perfect but one of the things I absolutely love about my little island of a country is that bridal showers and baby showers are not done, although they do appear to be on the up ( and on the up I mean like maybe I'll get invited to two in my lifetime now instead of one). In fact, gift-giving in the UK is just not really done or expected by anyone. It's the reason why in the UK people don't host things for you. You do it yourself. The whole concept of birthdays, gifts, 'guest of honour', parties etc... is just so unbelievably different to the concept of it in the US that it's almost like living on a different planet. The concept of birthdays here is just seen as so, well, unimportant. Wedding registries used to be uncommon but now they are used by I'd say 50% of British couples.

Over the age of about 12 over here, people don't really give or expect gifts for birthdays thats why when you become an adult, it's so ingrained that gifts are so unimportant and irrelevant and almost embarassing that things like showers or birthdays don't need to be hosted. In fact, for these reasons, they don't even want to be hosted! Any gifts received will of course be accepted graciously and with thanks but the general consensus is people just get together to have a good time. There's not even a general consensus that things are celebrated to 'toast to you' or that you're the 'centre of attention' or the 'guest of honour' unless it's your wedding day.

I'd probably say 90% of people's birthdays in the UK are celebrated like this: An email is sent round at about 10 minutes to 5pm to friends to coworkers saying "Hey just to let you know, we're off to the pub (we love the pub) after work for a couple of birthday beers and perhaps to watch the football, feel free to drop in and join us for a pint" either that or you just text a couple of friends who know its your birthday coming up saying "what you up to saturday? fancy going out for a meal or something and maybe a couple of drinks". And that's how birthday celebrations come about. People over here really use birthdays as an extra (additional) excuse to go out and get wasted, to joke around with friends, drown out their sorrows of their miserable jobs or to try and hook up with the hot blonde from the office. Buying the birthday girl/boy a pint of beer is probably as far as the gift giving goes unless it's like your best friend or S/O.
In the UK, I rarely hear people refer to their birthdays or any other events as 'parties' more as come out and let's 'par-tay'.

There's a lot I adore about America but I love our attitude towards gifts over here!

That pretty much sums up our approach to celebrating stuff quite well actually.

Hollanda

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #26 on: March 21, 2012, 05:49:17 AM »
The UK might not be perfect but one of the things I absolutely love about my little island of a country is that bridal showers and baby showers are not done, although they do appear to be on the up ( and on the up I mean like maybe I'll get invited to two in my lifetime now instead of one). In fact, gift-giving in the UK is just not really done or expected by anyone. It's the reason why in the UK people don't host things for you. You do it yourself. The whole concept of birthdays, gifts, 'guest of honour', parties etc... is just so unbelievably different to the concept of it in the US that it's almost like living on a different planet. The concept of birthdays here is just seen as so, well, unimportant. Wedding registries used to be uncommon but now they are used by I'd say 50% of British couples.

Over the age of about 12 over here, people don't really give or expect gifts for birthdays thats why when you become an adult, it's so ingrained that gifts are so unimportant and irrelevant and almost embarassing that things like showers or birthdays don't need to be hosted. In fact, for these reasons, they don't even want to be hosted! Any gifts received will of course be accepted graciously and with thanks but the general consensus is people just get together to have a good time. There's not even a general consensus that things are celebrated to 'toast to you' or that you're the 'centre of attention' or the 'guest of honour' unless it's your wedding day.

I'd probably say 90% of people's birthdays in the UK are celebrated like this: An email is sent round at about 10 minutes to 5pm to friends to coworkers saying "Hey just to let you know, we're off to the pub (we love the pub) after work for a couple of birthday beers and perhaps to watch the football, feel free to drop in and join us for a pint" either that or you just text a couple of friends who know its your birthday coming up saying "what you up to saturday? fancy going out for a meal or something and maybe a couple of drinks". And that's how birthday celebrations come about. People over here really use birthdays as an extra (additional) excuse to go out and get wasted, to joke around with friends, drown out their sorrows of their miserable jobs or to try and hook up with the hot blonde from the office. Buying the birthday girl/boy a pint of beer is probably as far as the gift giving goes unless it's like your best friend or S/O.
In the UK, I rarely hear people refer to their birthdays or any other events as 'parties' more as come out and let's 'par-tay'.

There's a lot I adore about America but I love our attitude towards gifts over here!

That pretty much sums up our approach to celebrating stuff quite well actually.

Pod.  ;D
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Snooks

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #27 on: March 21, 2012, 07:44:37 AM »
I think the one thing worth mentioning in this thread is that in the UK it is very rare that a bridesmaid pays for her own outfit etc. so her only expense is the hen do. 

For my hen do I organised it myself (no bridesmaids) after a few of my friends asked if I was having a hen do, I left it so late in planning that only three of my friends could make it and they all lived in one city so I went there for the weekend, stayed with one of my friends, we went to for a meal (to a high street place) and to see a comedian the night before as it was during the festival, went to a spa the next day which was two treatments and lunch for 50, they treated me to a bottle of bubbly during lunch, then my friend's fiance cooked us all a meal in the evening.  We ended up going to see another friend's band which I sorely regret, I wish I'd stood my ground and said no as it was awful.

Also, POD to the above about how the UK does birthdays.  I don't think I've celebrated my birthday with my friends since I was 21, and even then it was a quick drink at the village pub before family friends party my parents threw for me.

Hollanda

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #28 on: March 21, 2012, 08:00:37 AM »
Isn't it just up to the group of friends how these things work? Of course, asking is absolutely out of the question, I am just going to go along assuming I pay for my own share and see what happens!!

Just got quote from printers. No way can we all afford that so I think the idea for hen do will be the theme "Black and white". Most people have something black and/or white they can wear  ;)

Like I said I went on a hen do and the B2B didn't pay for anything. But I don't know whether that is tradition, etiquette or just that particular group of friends!
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Tilt Fairy

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Re: Bridal Showers? (UK)
« Reply #29 on: March 21, 2012, 10:38:06 AM »
I think the one thing worth mentioning in this thread is that in the UK it is very rare that a bridesmaid pays for her own outfit etc. so her only expense is the hen do. 


Ahhh yes this is true. Also, we don't have rehearsal dinners or bridal showers or baby showers so guests and pals of the bride and groom tend to have more disposable income for wedding-related things. I guess money is preferred to be spent more on experiences and time together rather than things or items which is why people over here do tend to put in a lot of time/effort/money when it comes to stag do's and hen-do's. This is of course a crude generalisation but in the UK we can also be a little more liberal than other countries when it comes to alcohol consumption and naughty stuff so lots of people actually tend to get more excited about the hen/stag do than the actual wedding itself. My boyfriend just came back from a 2 week stag do in Las Vegas for his best friend where each of the ten of them who went must have spent a whopping 2-3k each on flights, the villa and the alcohol. It's not unusual over here to start saving up for your friends hen or stag do. People (myself included) will actually (try to) put money aside for it! Limos are hired, the 'lambrini' is opened, fancy dress outfits are planned, the 'L' plates and tiaras come out and the easy jet flights are booked. It's seen as such a fun and bonding event that it's unlikely any of your friends would not attend.