Houseguests and book "borrowing"

[Amara]

I am quite sensitive about my books too. And I no longer lend them to anyone. But if I had a guest who wanted to read they can peruse the bookcase in the guest bedroom. I have books I wouldn't read (not bad books, just genres) as well as duplicates of ones I own. I don't worry about any of those. They are decent, readable copies but not my beloved ones.

If a guest asked if she could read one of mine I might or might not say yes. Some would be off limits, others I would consider as long as she stayed. But in all cases I would explain, if the guest didn't already know, that I value and treasure my books.

This guest treated the OP's property without concern and her with even less. He may have, and probably did, do it unintentionally but it was nevertheless rude. To me, it matters not whether that book was an inexpensive mass market paperback that cost $5 or a high quality coffee table hardcover worth $100. It is her property, and it deserves respect for its place in the OP's home and heart.

[Ms Aspasia]

Previously on EHell, most people thought that guests could pick up and read the messages inside greeting cards.  Accordingly, books seem to be fair game!

Although I would have had a read myself, I understand that you may have felt a little exposed.

To be polite, your guest should have asked before taking the book "away" to the guest room, and should not have thrown it but handled it carefully.

[Lynn2000]

Interesting thread. I would have been put off by the guest's behavior, too. I don't know about the whole, "he's more DH's guest than mine" thing, but he's definitely more DH's friend than the OP's, as in, the OP doesn't know Gary nearly as well or feel as comfortable with him. If someone I didn't know well acted in such a familiar way with me as Gary did, it would make me uncomfortable. Then for him to take one of my possessions and throw it into the guest room for his own use later, without asking, even though I was standing right there and we were having a conversation about those possessions--this would just be too familiar for me, and I would be put off by it. I get the OP's issue with Gary's timing, as well, because he didn't even come in, settle down, and reacquaint himself with the OP--he just immediately assumed it was okay to comment on her reading material, at length, with humor/tone that she may or may not have appreciated.

I'm not sure if I would call Gary rude, but I would probably feel like our personalities were not compatible, and I wouldn't want to socialize with him much anymore.

[JillyJ]

I'm not sure if I would call Gary rude, but I would probably feel like our personalities were not compatible, and I wouldn't want to socialize with him much anymore.

That turned out to be not a problem as he hooked up with an ex-girlfriend the next night and we haven't seen him since. 

[NyaChan]

Guess the book taught him something huh? 

[JillyJ]

Guess the book taught him something huh? 

Hahaha

[GlassHalfFull]

I think he was a bit rude for just grabbing the book without asking if he could borrow it first, but overall I'm with the crowd that thinks books are there to be shared, and I'd actually be pleased (and am) when people come to my home and find a book to their liking.

One thing to do perhaps for later visits, which my mother does, is to leave a stack of books next to the guest bed.  She is also an avid reader, and I'm certain takes time to select things she feels suits each guest.  Perhaps in the future you could select books that you're semi-OK with others handling, put bookmarks in them, and leave them in the guest room to direct interested readers/guests towards.  And in this fellow's case I suppose you should make sure that they're a little on the racy side.