General Etiquette > Techno-quette
Why would you want to be friends when we are so stupid to you?
blarg314:
Do you *want* to invite her to your parties and get to know her better, or do you just feel that she wants this? Has she asked, outright, why she isn't invited to more things, or closer to you?
If you'd like to pursue a friendship with her or have a close friendship that's being threatened by the political stuff, then it might be a good idea to speak up.
If she's the one who would like to be closer, or invited to more things, then I'd go with blocking the feed and backing away slowly.
Basically, I've found that offering unsolicited criticism to someone, particularly over something that is potentially very emotional and contentious, rarely goes well. She feels attacked for her political views, attacks you in turn, and it goes downhill from there. So I tend not to do it unless I'm in a position where it's my responsibility (mentoring or supervising someone), or if I care enough about them to suffer the potentially nasty consequences of speaking up.
If she's asking why she's not invited, then you are able to give an answer, if you want. "You have some pretty strongly expressed political opinions, and I don't think it would go well at the party."
baglady:
--- Quote from: blarg314 on March 23, 2012, 04:14:39 AM ---
Do you *want* to invite her to your parties and get to know her better, or do you just feel that she wants this? Has she asked, outright, why she isn't invited to more things, or closer to you?
If you'd like to pursue a friendship with her or have a close friendship that's being threatened by the political stuff, then it might be a good idea to speak up.
If she's the one who would like to be closer, or invited to more things, then I'd go with blocking the feed and backing away slowly.
Basically, I've found that offering unsolicited criticism to someone, particularly over something that is potentially very emotional and contentious, rarely goes well. She feels attacked for her political views, attacks you in turn, and it goes downhill from there. So I tend not to do it unless I'm in a position where it's my responsibility (mentoring or supervising someone), or if I care enough about them to suffer the potentially nasty consequences of speaking up.
If she's asking why she's not invited, then you are able to give an answer, if you want. "You have some pretty strongly expressed political opinions, and I don't think it would go well at the party."
--- End quote ---
If she's the one who wants to be invited, then try making it about you plural, not her. "Well, we tend to get into political discussions at these get-togethers, and you know most of us are Unicorn Party. We'd be worried about making you feel uncomfortable or ganged-up-on, being a devoted Gryphon Party voter."
ETA: OK, I reread the OP and it says you don't actually talk politics. So you can Emily Litella the above.
I'm wondering, though, if, contrary to Reason's theory, she *does* compartmentalize -- i.e., she keeps her political beliefs in a separate mental "compartment" from her feelings toward friends/acquaintances. So if she says, "I believe that giving goats the right to vote for president is nuts," she honestly doesn't think she's saying that people who want the vote for goats are nuts.
I have FB and RL friends who don't share my politics. We've had some pretty lively debates. But if they really thought I was nuts/deluded/immature/(your adjective here) for believing as I do, or vice versa, we wouldn't be friends.
greencat:
I've done the "You do realize I'm a (political word), right friend? And that (mutual friends) are too? Why are you saying all (political words) are (bad thing) when you know we're not?"
However, that's for friends. I'd just stop the becoming-friends process with an acquaintance.
Danika:
--- Quote from: greencat on March 25, 2012, 10:27:00 PM ---I've done the "You do realize I'm a (political word), right friend? And that (mutual friends) are too? Why are you saying all (political words) are (bad thing) when you know we're not?"
However, that's for friends. I'd just stop the becoming-friends process with an acquaintance.
--- End quote ---
That's what I do, too.
Many of my FB friends (so, friends from college, coworkers of my DH, etc) will post things like:
"I am pro Unicorn party. Long live the Unicorns"
or
"Praise the Deity. Deity religion is the only true one."
and I just let those go, even if I dislike Unicorns and that Deity.
But if someone were outright being negative and condescending like:
"If you don't vote Unicorn in this election, you are responsible for the bad economy and all the homeless people"
or
"If you don't believe in Deity, you are going to die in a lake of fire and you are a sinner"
then I would weigh my options. I have a cousin who is super into her political party. I just roll my eyes and move on because we get along about other things, but she does not have her life together and so I don't believe she sets the bar on all that is logical and wise.
But if I had an acquaintance who did that over and over and it was always negative, I might say "Hey, you know, I'm in the X party. And I don't believe in Deity. But you still like baking pies with me and scrapbooking. You think I'm Betty Crocker, not a sinner."
Jem:
OP here -
To answer some questions, yes, she has expressed interest in being closer to this group of friends. Another person in our group recently had a get together and while we always send on e-mails and texts to people, who for some reason weren't included in the first go-around, this time the e-mail went out and all other names were hidden. She made a comment later about how she would love to be included next time.
I guess that when I say she bad mouths my political party, I wasn't clear. She'll repost things she finds and makes little comments about them. These, though, are usually negative towards the other party. I actually tested out Danika's suggestion and after a post about how people in my party are usually *this stupid thing or else *this stupid other thing, I posted "So which one do you consider me?". She never responded back to me but changed the subject on the thread.
At this point I've decided that we are all grown-ups and blocking her feed would probably be the best thing until at least December. As for the friendship, if it happens, it happens, but I don't have the energy to try and stay away from touchy subjects when I'm trying to relax with my friends.
I'm not responsible for her hurt feels and if her feelings are hurt, then she needs to understand and take responsibility for her own actions. That is a hard lesson for me to remember sometimes.
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