When the "God Squad" won't take no for an answer. (Minor Update - Post 51)

[Twik]

The next time she says "No Pressure," reply with something along the lines of "'No Pressure'?  Every time you bring it up, you say 'no pressure' when you are, in fact, pressuring me to join your church.  I will not be joining your church now or at any time in the future.  Please do not mention it again."

That was my thought. The "no pressure" line is really an opening, because you can then say, "Well, when you repeatedly bring it up, it feels very much like pressure to me, and I would appreciate it if we do not have to speak of it any further."

[Coley]

The next time she says "No Pressure," reply with something along the lines of "'No Pressure'?  Every time you bring it up, you say 'no pressure' when you are, in fact, pressuring me to join your church.  I will not be joining your church now or at any time in the future.  Please do not mention it again."

That was my thought. The "no pressure" line is really an opening, because you can then say, "Well, when you repeatedly bring it up, it feels very much like pressure to me, and I would appreciate it if we do not have to speak of it any further."

POD. This most certainly is pressure. I like this response. I might add something to say that you respect their beliefs and hope they can respect yours as well.

[violinp]

The next time she says "No Pressure," reply with something along the lines of "'No Pressure'?  Every time you bring it up, you say 'no pressure' when you are, in fact, pressuring me to join your church.  I will not be joining your church now or at any time in the future.  Please do not mention it again."

That was my thought. The "no pressure" line is really an opening, because you can then say, "Well, when you repeatedly bring it up, it feels very much like pressure to me, and I would appreciate it if we do not have to speak of it any further."

POD. This most certainly is pressure. I like this response. I might add something to say that you respect their beliefs and hope they can respect yours as well.

Double POD.

[KenveeB]

The next time she says "No Pressure," reply with something along the lines of "'No Pressure'?  Every time you bring it up, you say 'no pressure' when you are, in fact, pressuring me to join your church.  I will not be joining your church now or at any time in the future.  Please do not mention it again."

That was my thought. The "no pressure" line is really an opening, because you can then say, "Well, when you repeatedly bring it up, it feels very much like pressure to me, and I would appreciate it if we do not have to speak of it any further."

I think this is my favorite response. Completely nonjudgmental on the religion issue, just pointing out that it's NOT "no pressure" when she keeps bringing it up. Sometimes people don't realize just how often they bring up something that's important to them -- after all, they think about it all the time -- but if they have it pointed out they're good at responding.

[TheVapors]

The next time she says "No Pressure," reply with something along the lines of "'No Pressure'?  Every time you bring it up, you say 'no pressure' when you are, in fact, pressuring me to join your church.  I will not be joining your church now or at any time in the future.  Please do not mention it again."

That was my thought. The "no pressure" line is really an opening, because you can then say, "Well, when you repeatedly bring it up, it feels very much like pressure to me, and I would appreciate it if we do not have to speak of it any further."

Yep to these thoughts.

She's pressuring alright.

"You keep using that phrase. I do not think it means what you think it means."

[magician5]

The way I was brought up, my duties in life were to include "bringing the lost to [Deity]". I was shown, chapter and verse, where this "Great Commission" was (Matthew 28).

However, I don't know how it morphed from "sharing the Good News" into one of the most offensive things I can imagine. Sure, we're supposed to tell people that they can have a personal relationship with [Deity]. But then, why do they go on to detail exactly what that personal relationship should be?

I ask people who attempt to convert me (without ever asking if I'm converted in the first place) "I have a personal relationship with my wife, too ... will you try to tell me exactly what that relationship should be like? It's personal and private, give me credit for honesty, I will not discuss my most personal relationships with anyone.

[magiccat26]

My DD (9) was invited to spend the night at a friends house.  The family recently converted to this church.  Since it was a Saturday night sleep over, I asked the mother if they would be attending church on Sunday...she said yes, but Kitten was welcome to come with them or she would drop her off at home on her way.  I told her that I would talk to Kitten and let her decide. 

I love my DD .  We discussed it and I made sure she understood that she was welcome to go with her friend, but I wanted to prepare her for some of the things they might say or do (like trying to convince her to try and get us all to come, to tell her that theirs was the "one true faith" or even convince her to be baptized.).  I tried to give her some kid friendly "bean-dip"...things like, oh, you'll have to talk to my Mom about that or I'm not comfortable talking about that without my mom.

After we discussed it for awhile, Kitten looked at me and said, "You know what Mommy?  If they can't respect our feelings than I don't think I want to go to that church.  It doesn't make sense to go somewhere where the people try to tell you what to do or think and they don't listen.  I'm going to ask Mrs. K to bring me home."

Success!  I don't mind my daughter exploring different paths of Faith, but I'm proud of her for already learning that she can say no thanks and recognize when a group is attempting to force their beliefs upon her.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out when the Pastor's wife learns that Kitten declined to attend church with her friend.  (Small town, news travels.  *sigh*)

[gramma dishes]

...   I asked the mother if they would be attending church on Sunday...she said yes, but Kitten was welcome to come with them or she would drop her off at home on her way. 

Well at least the other mother gave you that option.  I suspect it never occurred to her that you (or Kitten) would decline the opportunity to attend their church with them (and I'm sure that was a least part of the motive for asking for a Saturday night sleepover), but apparently they didn't push it.

[magiccat26]

...   I asked the mother if they would be attending church on Sunday...she said yes, but Kitten was welcome to come with them or she would drop her off at home on her way. 

Well at least the other mother gave you that option.  I suspect it never occurred to her that you (or Kitten) would decline the opportunity to attend their church with them (and I'm sure that was a least part of the motive for asking for a Saturday night sleepover), but apparently they didn't push it.

Actually, I've never felt like this Mom is trying to convert me.  Of all the Moms in our troop, she is one of the most open-minded.  The Saturday night sleepover made sense with our girls' schedules this weekend...so I do not suspect an ulterior motive.  I only asked about church to ensure Kitten packed appropriate clothes.  While I may not be a church-goer, I do believe that if/when we attend a house of worship we should follow the dress code.  .  It was nice that she was the one who offered us the option (to go or not to go), and I was prepared for Kitten to go.

[Danika]

Good for Kitten for being strong enough to make a decision that she feels comfortable with. Good for you as a parent for raising her to be strong like that.

[Minmom3]

...   I asked the mother if they would be attending church on Sunday...she said yes, but Kitten was welcome to come with them or she would drop her off at home on her way. 

Well at least the other mother gave you that option.  I suspect it never occurred to her that you (or Kitten) would decline the opportunity to attend their church with them (and I'm sure that was a least part of the motive for asking for a Saturday night sleepover), but apparently they didn't push it.

When the girls were in 4-H, one of the other families in the dairy goat project was Very Christian (fundamentalist, evangelizing, lecturing ALL of us, etc.).  They kept asking DD#2 to spend Saturday night and go to church with them on Sunday.  They were quite openly pushy about it.  After a few weekends in a row, DH and I were a little bit tired of it, and at the last invitation from them, told the other Mom that while DD#2 was available to spend the night at their house, we had plans the next day, and I would have to run over before they left for church to pick her up.  Upon which news, the other family piled in the car (we were at the 4-H farm doing tear down from the County Fair), peeled out of the farm spraying rocks and gravel all over the place, refused to talk to us ever again, would not look us in the face at group events, and accused us of being very rude to them and unwelcoming.  Tried very hard to get us in trouble with both the club leader and county leadership.  When they got nowhere with that, they left the club and went to another one, stirred the pot there as well, and finally quit 4-H altogether. 

Trying to set boundaries with that mother was exhausting, and it went on for months and months.  It was a huge relief to me when they finally left the club, although I felt sorry that the friendship between the girls was ruptured like that.

[gramma dishes]

...   Upon which news, the other family piled in the car (we were at the 4-H farm doing tear down from the County Fair), peeled out of the farm spraying rocks and gravel all over the place, refused to talk to us ever again, would not look us in the face at group events ...

Sounds like you accidentally stumbled on the answer to your problem!   

[gingerzing]

Good for Kitten. And good for you to give her some ideas if she did decide to go. 
Perhaps she would have had a time to say them or perhaps not, but the decision was hers. 

[Minmom3]

...   Upon which news, the other family piled in the car (we were at the 4-H farm doing tear down from the County Fair), peeled out of the farm spraying rocks and gravel all over the place, refused to talk to us ever again, would not look us in the face at group events ...

Sounds like you accidentally stumbled on the answer to your problem!   ;)

It would have been an unadulterated relief, except that the wife then starting trash mouthing us to club leadership, saying we had said horrible things about their church, that we were unwelcoming to them, etc.  It was very upsetting until the club leader called me and told me not to worry, she'd been aware all along of what was going on, and that she'd been waiting for an explosion to happen when that family pushed our family just a little too hard on the church topic, and she (club leader) knew we'd been as patient and polite and welcoming as it was possible for an die hard atheist to be towards a fervent Christian bent on gathering new church members.  When nobody else was too sympathetic to the wife's drama, she left pulled her daughter from the club in a huff, and enrolled her daughter in gymnastics the same week.

I have NO problem with people's religion.  They are welcome to it.  I may even go to a ceremony/event at 'your' church if I like you and I can watch and am not required to participate.  But I get hugely offended at being asked to defend my atheism, or at being disparaged because I refuse to join 'your' church.  I have NEVER been able to stay friends with someone once things head down that path, because they won't let me be, and won't respect my right to believe what I do. 

All 'your's being generic, of course, nobody on THIS forum has ever spoken to me that way...

[Drawberry]

  But I get hugely offended at being asked to defend my atheism, or at being disparaged because I refuse to join 'your' church.  I have NEVER been able to stay friends with someone once things head down that path, because they won't let me be, and won't respect my right to believe what I do. 

This. This so much.

Boyfriend is Christian and has expressed that if his grandmother (who is rather sick and in the care of his aunt) really wanted him to be baptized he wouldn't have a problem with it, and I asked if I would be welcome to attend that event. Unsure of how the church would feel about me attending, and he assured me that he would make sure I was there if I wanted to be.

I would always want to be part of something important like that to him and his family. I can enjoy the company of others, and offer my support even if that's something I don't practice or believe for myself. I've come to realize that an assumption has developed (even among other atheists) that because I don't believe in god it means I must hate religion and those who follow it, because of this generalization someone who may not know me might assume right off the bat I would have some ill will towards them and will immediately go into the defense.

I really want to know who decided to throw around these rumors and assumptions :/ because I am really tired of people going right into the comment of "Oh you hate Christians?" when they find out I am atheist. It's like a never ending 'blond joke' that I can't get a word in edgewise. Really it can become incredibly tiring..