Author Topic: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle  (Read 4665 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #15 on: March 15, 2012, 10:36:36 AM »
Also, as a part time instructor, I'm not sure if it's my place to suggest this because I am not involved in most of it.

I think you have every place to say something.

Precisely BECAUSE you are a part-time instructor.

Who will your students be? The kids who don't have a lot of money and who aren't spending as much time. The less-serious riders. The ones who do it for fun, or who aren't quite as good.

in other word, the targets of this sort of mean-girl behavior. (if "bullying" seems a bit too strong, use "mean girl")

How do you GET new students/clients? By word of mouth, I bet--and what sort of reputation will the picked-on students give your place?

So no matter how you get paid (but even more so if you get paid directly by your students in any way), this impacts your livelihood. "I don't want to lose students because they give up before they want to, just because some mean girls are snotty to them in the barn. Frankly, even if a kid is not a target, it completely affects their willingness to continue coming to the barn.* It costs more money and more time to get new students to replace them."

And I'd also shadow my students into the barn--not closely, but I'd be within earshot of them at all times for the next few weeks.

*I quit my local Girl Scout troop and vowed never to go back when I realized that snotty voices and attitudes were going unchecked. I wasn't targeted there the way I was sometimes in school, but I simply didn't want to be around it. The targets were the parent leaders, and I was outraged on their behalf, and completely unwilling to be seen to be condoning that treatment simply by being in the same room.

Hijinks

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #16 on: March 15, 2012, 01:52:03 PM »
It may be uncomfortable, but think of it as you are standing up for your students that need you.

Softly Spoken

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #17 on: March 18, 2012, 05:02:54 PM »
TD, pod pod pod to what everyone else says (((BIG PONY-SIZED HUGS))) and fingers crossed hoping Rainbow listens and understands.
This is not you vs. Maple (who I would actually rather give the pseudonym Lemon or maybe Horse's *Ahem* >:D), this is you trying to save the barn! If it is not fun people will not come! If you can't get Rainbow to see the ethical aspect of this you need to make sure she gets the bottom line - unrestrained trouble-making students and their enabling, bullying instructor are toxic and bad for business. You want a barn that is known for it's supportive instructors, it's opportunity for camaraderie, and it's professionalism - not one with a reputation for elitism and drama.
Good luck!!!!! (((More hugs!!)))

PS: On a lighter note, the names you gave the characters had me thinking about My Little Ponies...was that intentional? *giggle* ;D
« Last Edit: March 19, 2012, 04:52:49 PM by Softly Spoken »
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Lexophile

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #18 on: March 19, 2012, 12:31:24 PM »
Next time you catch them at it, clamly walk them to the other instructor and calmly have them repeat what it was they just said. Then have them explain themselves.
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NyaChan

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #19 on: March 19, 2012, 01:55:52 PM »
Any update OP?  I'm really curious about Rainbow's reaction to all this.

TealDragon

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #20 on: March 23, 2012, 03:26:08 AM »
Oops, I totally thought I'd already updated this!

Rainbow was pretty frustrated when I first brought it up to her but when I started getting more in depth about everything, she was more frustrated with Maple. We had a big staff meeting that Friday where everyone was given the chance to air their grievances or forever hold their peace. Everyone had a problem with Maple and even though we all said it as nicely as possible, with several people pointing out your flaws, well, it just doesn't bring out the best in most people. Maple fired right back at us and tried to pick us apart but Rainbow stepped in and told her it was not her place to dictate how the barn should be run or how other employees should behave as her title is riding instructor and nothing more. She also said that the entire show team needed to come in for a meeting and that if Maple is finding herself unable to help them grow into the sophisticated and kind people she expects to have in her barn, the team would either be turned over to another instructor who was more capable or it would be completely scrapped (it's a big competitive show barn, so this was a really big deal). That was the gist of our meeting.

On Sunday was the team meeting, which all of the instructors were asked to attend. Rainbow stated the reason for the meeting, asked if anyone had anything they wanted to own up to or concerns to share. No one did, so she told them the consequences if this continues. Two of the younger girls started to cry. The mean girls oh-so-kindly made themselves known to Rainbow by sitting in the back smirking and giggling and acting bratty. I told them about the issues I had seen/heard of and called them out by name about it. They stuck to their whole misunderstood story. Flower and Sunshine also had some small contributions of issues they had with the team/the group. It was pretty obvious that none of the kids were comfortable speaking up in that setting, so Rainbow made a drop box for anonymous notes and said if anyone ever has any problems, that she wants a note about it (she also told non-show kids this and revised the conduct rules to be a little more current and reposted them in the barn). She had the mean girls stay after and she had an individual meeting with each set of parents. All of them are on probation until further notice which means they can come for lessons and required group chore days and during private ride times, but they are not to be unsupervised at any time, they are not allowed to loiter about, and all barn rules must be followed to the letter. If they mess up again, they will get a 1 month suspension from the team (which would essentially take them out of the competitive show season) at minimum, depending on what they did. If they do it again, they are off the team indefinitely/permanently (which would probably mean they would be changing barns). If they were still around after that and messed up again, they would be kicked out as soon as would be legally possible. All of the parents were pretty good about understanding this without much issue, except for one woman who basically said that girls will be girls and at that age, there's just nothing you can do to stop the behavior and people are being way too sensitive.

Maple is still throwing a bit of a fit about being told she may lose her job and she's not really speaking to the rest of us outside of what is absolutely necessary, but oh well. She's a drama queen. And if she keeps it up, Sunshine and I are the most likely two to fill her spot as coach and assistant coach, so if that's the risk she wants to take, that's just fine with me. The mean girls have been very quiet, I've barely even seen them out there this week. I think they're all a little embarrassed about being made examples of. The atmosphere of the barn is a little bit tense and awkward at times right now, but I think that should ease over time. It's only been almost a week, after all.

Rainbow was definitely great in dealing with the problem like she was last time, so I think if we all just stay really strict in our expectations for how things should go, it should be better from here on out, or at least problems will be able to be readdressed as they happen instead of snowballing. Rainbow is a nice person and a good BO/boss but because she's so busy and only teaches  a select few students, she's not always as on top of certain things (like small negative moments that have little or nothing to do with her), so I think with Flower being more aware of what's going on and Sunshine and I feeling reassured that we can and should approach Rainbow when we need to, it should be a lot easier to keep up the positive atmosphere.

If I catch them at it, I will definitely use your suggestion, Lexophile. And Softly Spoken, no I had no connection to My Little Ponies when writing the first post, I was just looking at the maple tree in my front yard! But I do love My Little Ponies, so that's nice that it made that connection for you.  ;D

Shoo

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2012, 09:58:20 AM »
Rainbow sounds like an awesome employer.  I'm so glad things were taken care of.  And good for you for speaking up!

NyaChan

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #22 on: March 23, 2012, 03:07:02 PM »
Great Update!

kherbert05

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Re: Frustrated with coworker, not sure how to handle
« Reply #23 on: March 24, 2012, 02:09:04 PM »
Great update


I'm sure you realize the girls will be girls people are to sensitive mom is in all likelihood a mean girl bully herself. She is shocked someone is actually requiring her daughter to behave like a civilized human. You will probably be seeing the last of her. She will want to switch to a "real barn" that has the power dynamic that accepts her and her daughters behavior.


The other mean girls may completely change tracks and turn into humans. I've seen it happen. Mean girls get their power, in part by the backing of authority figures. In this case Maple was endorsing their behavior because they all knew what really happened but wink wink lets blame the "lesser people". So to protect themselves the other girls fall in line.


You called them on their behavior - and they thought Maple had "put you in your place". Instead Rainbow (the real power) calls a meeting. The mean girls continue their behavior in the meeting because they think either Maple can protect them from Rainbow or Rainbow is putting on a show to be politically correct but will not actually do anything.


Then you call them on their behavior in the meeting. Maple is shown to be powerless because she can't talk to you the way she did last time in front of Rainbow. Then Rainbow backs you and punishes them. Total power shift. The "mean girls" see where the new power is. They are much more likely now to follow your lead in how you treat people.


I hope you and sunshine have fun with the competitive team - because I doubt Maple will last. She needs the "mean girls" for her ego as much as they needed her approval.




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