First date paying for dinner question.

[SiotehCat]

Sara and Jon meet through a dating website. Jon suggests that they hang out. They come up with a plan of drinks and video games at Sara's house.

Sara does not realize that this is the entirety of the plan and expects dinner. When Jon arrives, she asks him if he is hungry and if there are any plans for dinner. Jon says that he ate right before their meeting, but they could get something if she wanted. She said she did and they went to a place that Sara had been to before.

Jon orders water. Sara orders here meal and an alcoholic beverage. While looking at the menu, Jon is surprised at how expensive it is and says so.The check arrives and it's placed in the middle of the table. They chat some more and nobody is making any moves to pick it up. Finally Sara says that she is ready to go. Jon says ok and still doesn't pick up the check. Sara asks him if he is going to pay and Jon looks a little embarrassed and says that he is short on funds.

Was it rude of Jon to go on a date knowing that he didnt have any cash to spare? Was it rude of Sara to expect Jon to pay the dinner bill when she was the only one that ate?

What are the rules here?

[NyaChan]

I think Sara was rude to expect him to pay for her dinner.  The plans were explicitly (as in what they actually said rather than what Sara expected) for drinks.  Jon let her know he had already eaten, but accompanied her somewhere where she could get food.  For Sara to just sit there hinting at him to pick up the check was really off in my opinion.

[AustenFan]

I don't see how Jon could possibly have been rude...he made plans within his means, so him not having any cash to spare shouldn't enter into the equation.

Sara assumed something contrary to what was agreed on, changed the plans and then expected him to pick up the tab for a meal he didn't share. I vote the blame in this situation rests entirely on her shoulders.

[Judah]

I think Sara was rude to expect him to pay for her dinner.  The plans were explicitly (as in what they actually said rather than what Sara expected) for drinks.  Jon let her know he had already eaten, but accompanied her somewhere where she could get food.  For Sara to just sit there hinting at him to pick up the check was really off in my opinion.

I couldn't agree more.  Why would Sara expect dinner when their plans were to have drinks and play games at her house?  It was her house after all, if she wanted to eat she could have.

[Bibliophile]

I think Sara was rude to expect him to pay for her dinner.  The plans were explicitly (as in what they actually said rather than what Sara expected) for drinks.  Jon let her know he had already eaten, but accompanied her somewhere where she could get food.  For Sara to just sit there hinting at him to pick up the check was really off in my opinion.

This.  The date was drinks & a game.  He agreed to a date he could afford, if she wanted food, that was all on her at that point.  I can't imagine insisting that a guy take me for dinner if he already ate - that takes some nerve.

[SiotehCat]

I think Sara was rude to expect him to pay for her dinner.  The plans were explicitly (as in what they actually said rather than what Sara expected) for drinks.  Jon let her know he had already eaten, but accompanied her somewhere where she could get food.  For Sara to just sit there hinting at him to pick up the check was really off in my opinion.

I couldn't agree more.  Why would Sara expect dinner when their plans were to have drinks and play games at her house?  It was her house after all, if she wanted to eat she could have.

Sara believes that a date is dinner + whatever hangout plans they made. She thought the dinner was an unspoken given.

[guihong]

I think Sara was rude to expect him to pay for her dinner.  The plans were explicitly (as in what they actually said rather than what Sara expected) for drinks.  Jon let her know he had already eaten, but accompanied her somewhere where she could get food.  For Sara to just sit there hinting at him to pick up the check was really off in my opinion.

I couldn't agree more.  Why would Sara expect dinner when their plans were to have drinks and play games at her house?  It was her house after all, if she wanted to eat she could have.

Sara believes that a date is dinner + whatever hangout plans they made. She thought the dinner was an unspoken given.

Then Sara believes wrong, and in any event, she can't expect Jon to read her mind and just know the "rules" of dating.

[Shopaholic]

I think Sara was rude to expect him to pay for her dinner.  The plans were explicitly (as in what they actually said rather than what Sara expected) for drinks.  Jon let her know he had already eaten, but accompanied her somewhere where she could get food.  For Sara to just sit there hinting at him to pick up the check was really off in my opinion.

I couldn't agree more.  Why would Sara expect dinner when their plans were to have drinks and play games at her house?  It was her house after all, if she wanted to eat she could have.

I agree as well. I find it especially rude that he ordered just the water while she had a meal + an alcoholic beverge and she still expected him to pay.

[Judah]

Sara believes that a date is dinner + whatever hangout plans they made. She thought the dinner was an unspoken given.

There's no such thing.  If it's not spelled out, it doesn't exist.

[ilrag]

Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

[SiotehCat]

Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

Yes. This is the first time that it hasn't.

[jmarvellous]

Sara's in the wrong on all counts.

[ilrag]

In that case I can only assume that her and I live in totally different cultures, or interact with very, very different people.

[Moray]

I think Sara was rude to expect him to pay for her dinner.  The plans were explicitly (as in what they actually said rather than what Sara expected) for drinks.  Jon let her know he had already eaten, but accompanied her somewhere where she could get food.  For Sara to just sit there hinting at him to pick up the check was really off in my opinion.

I couldn't agree more.  Why would Sara expect dinner when their plans were to have drinks and play games at her house?  It was her house after all, if she wanted to eat she could have.

Sara believes that a date is dinner + whatever hangout plans they made. She thought the dinner was an unspoken given.

Sara is sadly mistaken, and pretty rude, to boot. Poor Jon. He thought he was having a nice, low-key date and instead got demeaned for not reading Sara's mind. If I invite someone out for drinks and video games, I mean drinks and video games. Also, to be perfectly frank, even if he had invited her to dinner, and even if he had intended to pick up the tab for her, it was really crass for her to ask him "aren't you going to pay for this?"

[Bibliophile]

Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

Yes. This is the first time that it hasn't.

That's surprising, because it's pretty clear that when a guy says let's meet for drinks/coffee/etc. there isn't going to be dinner involved.  It's not a full date - just the drinks, and, in this case, a game.  But I'm curious as to why she had no food at home that she could've eaten since they were playing the game at her house.