Author Topic: First date paying for dinner question.  (Read 24706 times)

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Moray

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #15 on: March 26, 2012, 05:05:17 PM »
Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

Yes. This is the first time that it hasn't.

Does she get many 2nd dates?
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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #16 on: March 26, 2012, 05:06:33 PM »
Is Sara one of those (I hope rare, but I've known a few) people who accepts dates with guys she doesn't even care for, specifically to get a free dinner?

She was extremely rude and wrong in this situation.  Drinks and video games means exactly that.  Jon was pretty nice to even change the plans and sit with her during dinner!  I probably would have blinked at her all confused and told her okay, go home and get some dinner, I'm perfectly happy playing video games myself instead, have a good night. 

Namárië

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #17 on: March 26, 2012, 05:07:12 PM »
Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

Yes. This is the first time that it hasn't.

That's surprising, because it's pretty clear that when a guy says let's meet for drinks/coffee/etc. there isn't going to be dinner involved.  It's not a full date - just the drinks, and, in this case, a game.  But I'm curious as to why she had no food at home that she could've eaten since they were playing the game at her house.

Agreed. And I think it was on Sara to provide food—she was hosting! Why didn't she have any snacks and such ready for Jon?
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Surianne

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #18 on: March 26, 2012, 05:08:56 PM »
I missed that it was at Sara's place -- that's even more bizarre!

SiotehCat

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #19 on: March 26, 2012, 05:09:04 PM »
Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

Yes. This is the first time that it hasn't.

That's surprising, because it's pretty clear that when a guy says let's meet for drinks/coffee/etc. there isn't going to be dinner involved.  It's not a full date - just the drinks, and, in this case, a game.  But I'm curious as to why she had no food at home that she could've eaten since they were playing the game at her house.

Sara thinks that the reason that it's never happened before is because she has never dated someone as young as Jon. Jon is early 20's and Sara is early 30's.

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #20 on: March 26, 2012, 05:10:21 PM »
Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

Yes. This is the first time that it hasn't.

That's surprising, because it's pretty clear that when a guy says let's meet for drinks/coffee/etc. there isn't going to be dinner involved.  It's not a full date - just the drinks, and, in this case, a game.  But I'm curious as to why she had no food at home that she could've eaten since they were playing the game at her house.

Sara thinks that the reason that it's never happened before is because she has never dated someone as young as Jon. Jon is early 20's and Sara is early 30's.

Sara is not correct.  I'm over 30 as are most people I know now and none of us would expect dinner on a drinks date.  She sounds like a gimmie-pig, dating version.

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Sterling

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #21 on: March 26, 2012, 05:13:43 PM »
If I was asked for drinks and games at my house i would have provided snacks.  He didn't invite her to dinner and she was greedy to expect it.
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MrsJWine

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #22 on: March 26, 2012, 05:14:17 PM »
I'm more old-fashioned than most, and I still think Sara was way out of line. If you expect something of someone, you need to say so and not play mind games. I'm 29, and I have always understood that the person who does the asking out is the one who pays. Furthermore, if you don't actually agree to do something, it's not fair to try to trick someone into buying you dinner like this.

I imagine that dating Sara must be pretty exhausting, with all the hoops to jump through and mind games to figure out. I'd rather just go to the gym or do a crossword puzzle.


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Utah

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #23 on: March 26, 2012, 05:16:01 PM »
Sara is completely in the wrong here.  She invited Jon (or they agreed on) for drinks and gaming.  At no time did s/he mention dinner as part of the plans.  Since they were at her house, she had several options.  She could have apologized and told Jon that she hadn't eaten yet so she was going to rustle up a sandwich for herself; would Jon like anything?  Sara could have ordered in for herself or when she went for dinner, she could have grabbed a clue when Jon only ordered water that he wasn't prepared to pay for a meal.  She should have picked up the check herself.

Were I male, Sara wouldn't get a second date after pulling that stunt.

Jon's age might explain why he's short of funds but he did nothing wrong here.
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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #24 on: March 26, 2012, 05:20:47 PM »
Sarah is way off.  Has that assumption worked out for her in the past?

Yes. This is the first time that it hasn't.

That's surprising, because it's pretty clear that when a guy says let's meet for drinks/coffee/etc. there isn't going to be dinner involved.  It's not a full date - just the drinks, and, in this case, a game.  But I'm curious as to why she had no food at home that she could've eaten since they were playing the game at her house.

Sara thinks that the reason that it's never happened before is because she has never dated someone as young as Jon. Jon is early 20's and Sara is early 30's.

Sara is not correct.  I'm over 30 as are most people I know now and none of us would expect dinner on a drinks date.  She sounds like a gimmie-pig, dating version.

Nope , I'm in my 40s my husband is in his 50s , my cousins are in their 20 and 30s   a date is for specifically what's mentioned. I can invite someone to a play and if I like them ask them to dinner (I'm sure that sort of thing happens) but a date at "my house"  I'd think either I am providing food or maybe just maybe we'll split a pizza I would have zero expectations he;d take me to dinner , why our date does not even involve leaving my house.   Unless the date is for more the 6 hours , then I think an meal (even if it's hotdogs at a stand ) is implied because 6 hours must include a meal time.

camlan

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #25 on: March 26, 2012, 05:23:54 PM »
The general rule for invitations, whether it is a date or not, is that the person who does the inviting is the person who pays.

In this case, Jon did not invite Sarah to dinner. Therefore, he has no obligation to pay for dinner.

And because Sarah was the one who suggested going out to eat, she technically invited Jon to a meal, which means that had Jon ordered anything other than the free water, Sarah should have paid for it.

For the record, I'm in my 50s. I would never expect a guy to pay for my meal unless there was a specific invitation from him for a date that included the meal. In fact, I've run into so many men who believe that first dates should always be "pay your own way" that I always bring enough money to cover my meal, just in case. Sarah's had a run of good luck and it finally ran out.
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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #26 on: March 26, 2012, 05:39:33 PM »
I am a bit conservative and almost a generation older than Sara.

I've never heard of an unspoken rule that all dates must include a meal and that the male is supposed to foot the bill.  Sara was 100% in the wrong and I feel sorry for Jon because of the awkward position that she put him in.

buvezdevin

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #27 on: March 26, 2012, 05:40:30 PM »
I agree that Sara's assumptions, regardless of her experiences to date, are way off the standards of dating I am familiar with through my own previous experiences, and more current vicarious experiences of friends.  Collectively, folks I know who are actively dating span ages from 20's to 60's.  What I find even more surprising is that Sara is going to on line dating sites yet seems unacquainted with what I gather is a rule of thumb for most of those I know who get introduced/meet on line:  don't assume a first meeting (date) will or should include a meal, and generally be prepared to pay your own expenses during early dates, unless it has been clearly communicated otherwise.
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veryfluffy

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #28 on: March 26, 2012, 05:55:56 PM »
Unless I am reading this thread title wrong, this was their first date?

So what on earth was she doing inviting him around to her house?  :o

The one rule I know about internet dating is always meet in a public place, and don't invite them into your home alone until you know they aren't nutters.
   

DavidH

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Re: First date paying for dinner question.
« Reply #29 on: March 26, 2012, 06:00:39 PM »
A date includes what is planned, if the plan was drinks and video games at her house, that pretty much excludes dinner.  Some type of munchie to go with drinks (chips for example) seems a reasonable expectation, but that's about it.  In any event, the munchie would be provided by her since it's her house. 

The only possible exception would be if the date were from say 5 to 9 PM and pretty much covered the dinner hour, in which case I could see some confusion on the point.

In any case, once he said he'd eaten, that would be her clue their expections were different and that she needed to clarify about dinner.  If dinner is a payment for going on a date, or one only goes on dates to get a free dinner, that seems more of a professional transaction.