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Author Topic: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread  (Read 40898 times)

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magicdomino

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #15 on: March 27, 2012, 02:27:02 PM »
Invoke the Coke rule?
But I like the solution of yelling at the computer screen.  There's nothing rude about that as long as your fingers don't touch the keys (or you're not on skype). :-X

From page 9 in the Abbreviations/Definitions thread in Forum Announcements:

Quote
The Coke Rule was created by Scritzy, so we tend to call it "Scritzy's Coke Rule."  It goes as follows:

1.      If a post annoys me, count to ten before replying.
2.      If a post angers me, count to a hundred.
3.      If a post infuriates me, shut down the computer and drink Coke.

Moray

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #16 on: March 27, 2012, 03:14:00 PM »
I've seen a trend lately on the boards where an OP will post a very cut and dry scenario "Dear eHell, I walked up and kicked my neighbor's puppy, was I rude?", but when they don't like the answer "Yes, you were rude. Don't kick puppies!", not only do they get upset, but they start providing all this additional information that seems like it would be crucial to the scenario. "The puppy is actually a direwolf with a documented history of violent behavior and it was actively trying to eat my toddler! I had to run up and kick it to get it off her arm!"

It's pretty frustrating and it sometimes seems a little bit like trolling. I try to limit my responses and usually end up reporting the thread.

Edited because words make much more sense in the correct order  8)

Never occurred to me that is might be trolling-ish behavior.  I'm such a noob

Aw, don't feel bad! It took me a long time to figure out what trolling was.

I don't think it's trolling all, or even necessarily most of the time; most of us snip details from our posts at one point or another; but when it becomes a pattern? Yeah, I have to assume that's someone trying to stir the pot.
Utah

wolfie

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #17 on: March 27, 2012, 03:22:15 PM »
I've seen a trend lately on the boards where an OP will post a very cut and dry scenario "Dear eHell, I walked up and kicked my neighbor's puppy, was I rude?", but when they don't like the answer "Yes, you were rude. Don't kick puppies!", not only do they get upset, but they start providing all this additional information that seems like it would be crucial to the scenario. "The puppy is actually a direwolf with a documented history of violent behavior and it was actively trying to eat my toddler! I had to run up and kick it to get it off her arm!"

It's pretty frustrating and it sometimes seems a little bit like trolling. I try to limit my responses and usually end up reporting the thread.

Edited because words make much more sense in the correct order  8)

Never occurred to me that is might be trolling-ish behavior.  I'm such a noob

Aw, don't feel bad! It took me a long time to figure out what trolling was.

I don't think it's trolling all, or even necessarily most of the time; most of us snip details from our posts at one point or another; but when it becomes a pattern? Yeah, I have to assume that's someone trying to stir the pot.

One poster that I see doing this - I don't think she is trying to stir the pot. i think she doesn't like having to acknowledge that she was rude so backpedals until she is back in the right.

DuBois

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #18 on: March 27, 2012, 03:28:37 PM »


What infuriates me is the other side of the OP trying to backpedal (which is annoying, don't get me wrong) which is when posters misread the OP and base their judgement on the misreading. That is very, very irritating, both for the OP and for others reading the thread.

PastryGoddess

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #19 on: March 28, 2012, 12:54:42 AM »


What infuriates me is the other side of the OP trying to backpedal (which is annoying, don't get me wrong) which is when posters misread the OP and base their judgement on the misreading. That is very, very irritating, both for the OP and for others reading the thread.
And when it goes on for 2 pages...

greencat

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #20 on: March 28, 2012, 02:12:30 AM »
I DO find it strange when some posters who have standards for what constitutes rude behavior vastly different from the norm in the culture they live in get upset when others find their behavior inexplicable, because, quite frankly, it is inexplicable to the rest of us.  Sure, you can explain the rules of your personality reality to us, but that doesn't mean they make sense to the rest of us!

lollylegs

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #21 on: March 28, 2012, 04:43:23 AM »
As a sort of companion to the Coke rule, I find sometimes it helps to write out the angry, snarky message that I want to post, get out all the frustration, and then delete it.  Although I am really paranoid that I'll accidently post it one day!

If it's a new poster who adds relevant, story changing information throughout the thread I think it's a courtesy to gently point out that the information should have been included in the OP.  Some posters are really good at doing that in a nice way.

What infuriates me is the other side of the OP trying to backpedal (which is annoying, don't get me wrong) which is when posters misread the OP and base their judgement on the misreading. That is very, very irritating, both for the OP and for others reading the thread.

Or when an assumption is made and is continued as fact throughout the thread, even after the OP corrects it.  I don't think there's anything wrong with making reasonable assumptions, but a lot of those infuriating posts could be avoided if everyone read the thread properly.

DuBois

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2012, 05:19:24 AM »
As a sort of companion to the Coke rule, I find sometimes it helps to write out the angry, snarky message that I want to post, get out all the frustration, and then delete it.  Although I am really paranoid that I'll accidently post it one day!

If it's a new poster who adds relevant, story changing information throughout the thread I think it's a courtesy to gently point out that the information should have been included in the OP.  Some posters are really good at doing that in a nice way.

What infuriates me is the other side of the OP trying to backpedal (which is annoying, don't get me wrong) which is when posters misread the OP and base their judgement on the misreading. That is very, very irritating, both for the OP and for others reading the thread.

Or when an assumption is made and is continued as fact throughout the thread, even after the OP corrects it.  I don't think there's anything wrong with making reasonable assumptions, but a lot of those infuriating posts could be avoided if everyone read the thread properly.

Yeah, I agree with all of this. I also think that there is a distinct and obvious difference between a backpedalling OP and one who genuinely didn't think something was relevant. Sometimes, as a thread progresses, additional points are raised which the OP then responds do-I don't think it's fair to label that as backpedalling.

Corvid

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #23 on: March 28, 2012, 06:33:54 AM »
Or when an assumption is made and is continued as fact throughout the thread, even after the OP corrects it.  I don't think there's anything wrong with making reasonable assumptions, but a lot of those infuriating posts could be avoided if everyone read the thread properly.

Or at all.  I think most of the time that happens it's a pretty good bet that someone did not read the entire thread.  I understand the temptation to skip the umpteen pages that can spring up when the topic is a hot one, but I do tend to roll my eyes when someone does this.

OP:  Is it rude to grow cruciferous vegetables?
Other posters:  Cabbage is rude, but broccoli is okay.
OP:  I'm thinking of growing broccoflower.
Other posters:  Discuss whether broccoflower is a rude vegetable.
Skippy poster:  Well, I certainly wouldn't grow cabbage!  It's not only rude of you to grow cabbage, OP, but it's tacky as well!
Me:   ::)

LadyL

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #24 on: March 28, 2012, 06:43:53 AM »
I have had the following problems in my threads where it has led to me requesting the thread be locked because the whole thread became more frustration than it was worth at the time:

1. Posters not reading updates, or misreading the OP in the first place, and posting based on their misreading, which propagated throughout the thread.
2. Me leaving out or obscuring information in the OP that turned out to be important to some posters. The reasons this happened were that I posted in a hurry/under stress, without thinking through "what would someone reading this want or need to know?" People then became very focused on those details. Some posters wanted clarification while others felt that my clarification posts were backpedaling.
3. Posters focusing on judging how I described my feelings/my overall attitude toward the situation in my OP instead of my actions.

All of these combined is honestly why I haven't posted lately. I PM'd the mods about how to handle these issues and did not get a response from them (understandable; they are busy, I am just trying to establish that I have covered my bases).

Lynn2000

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #25 on: March 28, 2012, 09:39:57 AM »
I think this is an interesting thread with a valid question, and I don't want to see it become too heated or negative. Although our purpose on eHell in general is to judge the situations posed to us and offer advice, sometimes I feel like some posters (and I do NOT have anyone in particular in mind) are too vigilant about looking for holes in the OP's story and assuming any inconsistencies are the result of maliciousness or the OP trying to cover up their bad behavior. I think a lot of the time, people just post when they are stressed or rushed, or they haven't thought the situation through all the way, or they just plain aren't good storytellers in this medium. As long as the OP isn't posting with anger or hostility, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, and would rather assume they're a reasonable person who sees things differently than I do, than that they're a rude person who's scrambling to cover that up.

Sorry, I fear that sounded kind of high-and-mighty.  :-\ That wasn't what I was going for at all. I also don't want to start a "here's a bad trend I've noticed" discussion, because those never seem to end well, but... I guess I feel I've noticed this several times lately. I'm not a person who likes to argue or debate in real life, so if things get hinky in a thread, I prefer to just stop posting. SOMETIMES, when SOME other people keep going (again, no one in particular, I just mean a subset of posters), it can feel to me like the OP is being attacked over minor points, and I'm not surprised if they get upset by that.
~Lynn2000

DuBois

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #26 on: March 28, 2012, 11:07:05 AM »
I think this is an interesting thread with a valid question, and I don't want to see it become too heated or negative. Although our purpose on eHell in general is to judge the situations posed to us and offer advice, sometimes I feel like some posters (and I do NOT have anyone in particular in mind) are too vigilant about looking for holes in the OP's story and assuming any inconsistencies are the result of maliciousness or the OP trying to cover up their bad behavior. I think a lot of the time, people just post when they are stressed or rushed, or they haven't thought the situation through all the way, or they just plain aren't good storytellers in this medium. As long as the OP isn't posting with anger or hostility, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, and would rather assume they're a reasonable person who sees things differently than I do, than that they're a rude person who's scrambling to cover that up.

Sorry, I fear that sounded kind of high-and-mighty.  :-\ That wasn't what I was going for at all. I also don't want to start a "here's a bad trend I've noticed" discussion, because those never seem to end well, but... I guess I feel I've noticed this several times lately. I'm not a person who likes to argue or debate in real life, so if things get hinky in a thread, I prefer to just stop posting. SOMETIMES, when SOME other people keep going (again, no one in particular, I just mean a subset of posters), it can feel to me like the OP is being attacked over minor points, and I'm not surprised if they get upset by that.

I don't think that you sound high and mighty at all, and I entirely agree with you. To be honest, if I think that a poster has a habit of posting for validation, I just tend to skip their threads: I feel that life's too short to worry about changing someone's mind if they are really h*llbent on a particular course of action. Sometimes if I feel like someone is going to do something rude, I might say something, but if it is after the fact I don't always feel that there is that much point. There is a fine, fine line between not validating someone, and beating them around the head.

Zilla

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #27 on: March 28, 2012, 11:41:19 AM »
Another thing I noticed is that an established poster (ie been in the forums for quite awhile) that has different views from the majority of ehell posters will often post that very view and then many people will attack it.  But the thing of it is that this poster is unwavering in their belief so why bother.


Instead ignore the opposing view/opinion and answer the poster's question in mind as if it's alright with her view.


ie


I hate dogs.  Passionately and think they shouldn't be allowed on earth.


Post:


Dog walker let their dog sniff me!  Horror of horror!   I really hate dogs and what can I say to avoid this happening again?


Several pages of why dogs are nice and why they sniff and then some offended that she doesn't like dogs.


Instead just accept that they don't like dogs, and answer the actual question knowing this person is a dog hater. 


So to answer OP's question, I would do the above.  Try to answer the actual question and leave it at that.   OP though might be hurt that no one sees it their way but in the end they can take a more objective view of the situation and realize that maybe they were indeed wrong.  It has happened to me many times.


Then there are others that are so stubborn and so tenacious that there is no point to continue and just abandon the thread.

afbluebelle

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #28 on: March 28, 2012, 01:23:28 PM »
I don't know... I have an issue of phrasing that sometimes sounds bad, when it is easily explainable. O forget that ya'll aren't mind readers ;D

The one I remember the clearest is when I used the nickname "Giant/Huge Aussie" to describe on of my coworkers. He is the tallest guy in our workplace, and he is about 270lbs. He is a huge guy... not fat, just huge. I got questioned about the name, because someone thought I was mocking him. I totally wasn't, just most of his real life nicknames are too salty for this website.

I didn't see how it was offensive, but I'm pretty dense sometimes. I'm not around normal people enough to know what is acceptable for general consumption  ;)
My inner (r-word) is having a field day with this one.
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ITSJUSTME

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #29 on: March 28, 2012, 01:30:31 PM »
Invoke the Coke rule?
But I like the solution of yelling at the computer screen.  There's nothing rude about that as long as your fingers don't touch the keys (or you're not on skype). :-X

From page 9 in the Abbreviations/Definitions thread in Forum Announcements:

Quote
The Coke Rule was created by Scritzy, so we tend to call it "Scritzy's Coke Rule."  It goes as follows:

1.      If a post annoys me, count to ten before replying.
2.      If a post angers me, count to a hundred.
3.      If a post infuriates me, shut down the computer and drink Coke.

Thanks - I was pretty sure I remembered it as Scritzy's Coke Rule but was not absolutely sure - then I was afraid I got it confused with all the posts that said "you should't say that (something extremely funny) after I just drank a mouthful of coke - I sprayed it all over my computer screen.


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