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Author Topic: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread  (Read 38612 times)

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kareng57

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #75 on: April 03, 2012, 11:04:15 PM »
Hollanda, I'm glad this isn't a "goodbye cruel forum" post, since I find those pretty childish.

Something that I frequently see happening with your threads is that you'll post a scenario in which you could have handled things better and then get frustrated when the thread doesn't go like you wanted. You frequently follow up your OP with several long, drawn-out explanations of how you're still learning or how you get that you were wrong or whathaveyou. It's almost as if you expect everyone to just say "Ok, well it looks like the OP doesn't actually want feedback. I'll just give her a pat on the back instead.", but this site doesn't work like that. It's not that it's veering off-topic, just that people are responding to the thread you started. You cannot control the direction of a thread and frankly, when you've posted in the On-Topic area of the board, it's really frustrating to watch you try again and again to excuse or explain your behavior to those who don't agree. We have the off-topic folders if you need hugs/validation/etc., but if you post in Life in General or the like, expect to receive a response, just like anyone else.

I know you mentioned that you were trying to be more introspective; it might be worth examining why you feel such a compunction to convince random strangers on the internet that you were right or justified in your actions.


I agree - very good points here.

Naturally this is a very good site re learning etiquette - what would be the point, otherwise?  And of course there are plenty of "was I wrong?" questions.  But when they're followed by a lot of "okay, but this was why" justifications - one (general) has to wonder why the question in the first place, if the questioner is convinced that whatever she did was perfectly okay.

purplemuse

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #76 on: April 04, 2012, 09:01:24 AM »
I am surprised no one mentioned the ones that says, "What?  The hostess wants you to clean it?  It was her fault for having carpet!  And serving wine!  She needs to be a gracious hostess and not bother you about this!"


And the variation of that:

Maybe the hostess has some sort of disorder that makes her want a new carpet when it is dirtied so you should cut her some slack and help her out

Oh my goodness, yes. That's one thing that really does bother me-- the speculation about possible illnesses/disorders. I know some disabilities, and most, if not all mental illnesses are invisible, but once the "maybe person X has illness Y so you can't say he was being rude" door is open, we may as well shut down the board, as I don't think there's any rude act that doesn't have the potential to be "explained away" by some illness/disorder.

Shoo

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #77 on: April 04, 2012, 10:21:07 AM »
Sometimes I think that some of the responses I get are based on people's personal opinions of me.

I am more likely to respond to a post when my opinion differs. When my opinion is the same, then a dozen other people have probably said it better than I ever could. Because of that, I think some people view me as this crazy weirdo. Maybe I am, I dunno.

I don't get mad when people disagree with me or pick my posts apart, because I try to remind myself that it's not that serious. I like to hear different opinions and I wouldn't post if I didn't.



That is something I admire about you!  You always take differing opinions so reasonably.  I know when I see your name pop up in a post that you're going to present something possibly different, and probably interesting.  I also know that there are some who are going to jump on you for that, but the way you handle it is awesome.

Surianne

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Re: When the OP gets upset by the comments in their thread
« Reply #78 on: April 04, 2012, 10:41:49 AM »
Ok how about this one:

What about when someone posts a thread and people just pick on one element of the post, completely missing the point of the post and making it into something it's not? And then other posters tag on why they think x, y or z was rude or wrong.

What was the something it was not?  It looked to me like the posters were trying to make the post into a thread about the etiquette of the issue.  If it was just to post about a bad day/rant, those go into the hugs folder, or get locked for being a rant.  You can always move the post into the hugs folder if you mispost it to the wrong section.

Yep, I thought I was discussing the etiquette of the situation rather politely, actually, Hollanda.  I don't think any of us in your thread were making it into something it's not.  You posted about a situation in which you thought the bar owner was rude, and some of us felt that you were quite obviously the rude one in the scenario.  Not everyone is going to agree with you on all matters. 

But if you do think that posters are being rude or mean to you and derailing your thread, I think that's what the "Report to moderators" button is for.

Sometimes I think that some of the responses I get are based on people's personal opinions of me.

I am more likely to respond to a post when my opinion differs. When my opinion is the same, then a dozen other people have probably said it better than I ever could. Because of that, I think some people view me as this crazy weirdo. Maybe I am, I dunno.

I don't get mad when people disagree with me or pick my posts apart, because I try to remind myself that it's not that serious. I like to hear different opinions and I wouldn't post if I didn't.



That is something I admire about you!  You always take differing opinions so reasonably.  I know when I see your name pop up in a post that you're going to present something possibly different, and probably interesting.  I also know that there are some who are going to jump on you for that, but the way you handle it is awesome.

I agree completely.  I always enjoy Sio's posts for that reason.


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