Invited to a benefit on facebook

[Nellop]

I've just gotten an invitation via facebook to a benefit to help someone go to *another far away country*

The event has been organised by the person who is going.

The facebook page reads:

*Person* has been invited to become a member of a working research group on performance and disability for the International Federation of Theatre Research. They next meet to research in Santiago, *far away country*, this July. *Person* has a neurological disorder and is a full time wheelchair user. Due to her disabilities and need for care staff, it will cost in excess of £3000 to get her there. This benefit is to raise money, and to help get *Person* to *Far away country*! It is a massive opporunity and will take her to new heights in her career. For more info on her research, check out: http://​website.website/ PLEASE ATTEND THIS EVENT TO HELP GET *PERSON* TO *COUNTRY*. TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE FROM *PLACE* BOX OFFICE OR CONTACT *PERSON* DIRECTLY.

This person is an aquaintance of mine rather than a friend. I was in the year above her on our Universty course, and came into contact with her a few times. I admire how well she's done regardless of her disorder, and I don't doubt that going to this place will help her.

However, this whole fundraising thing makes me very uncomfortable, though I can't quite put my finger on why. It has been set up and organised by the person who would be benefitting from the money raised, and over 700 people are invited.

Am I overreacting, or is this a breach of etiquette?

Either way, I don't think I'll be attending as I live in a different country...

[Kitty Hawk]

This actually wouldn't bother me. 

What would bother me would be one who says "I wanna take a vacation overseas!  But not pay for it myself! So gimme money!!!"

Plus, your acquaintance is apparently holding a benefit? Some sort of performance or something?  So people would be getting something for their money.

[Yvaine]

I agree. It's not a direct solicitation but an invitation to the fundraising event, which I think is different. As for the 700 people, it sounds like the person just blasted it to everyone, which is annoying, but if you feel you're not close enough to want to donate, just ignore it/decline.

[Sharnita]

I think this is actually fine.  Before facebook there would have been signs up in the community.

[Mikayla]

I land in the middle.  If the benefit is being organized to enable the acquaintance to travel to Santiago, then I'd find it offputting.  I guess people draw the line in different places, but I'm not in favor of *any* broad fundraising that benefits only the person sponsoring it. 

The type of thing that would not bother me would be if the charity event was for the purpose of raising funds and awareness related to the disease that caused her disability, and these funds went to the non-profit organization dedicated to it. 

PS - I used the word offputting instead of rude, because I can't quite call this rude. It's just a FB notification, which you can delete or ignore.  But I would have reacted the same way.   

[immadz]

I land in the middle.  If the benefit is being organized to enable the acquaintance to travel to Santiago, then I'd find it offputting.  I guess people draw the line in different places, but I'm not in favor of *any* broad fundraising that benefits only the person sponsoring it. 

The type of thing that would not bother me would be if the charity event was for the purpose of raising funds and awareness related to the disease that caused her disability, and these funds went to the non-profit organization dedicated to it. 

PS - I used the word offputting instead of rude, because I can't quite call this rude. It's just a FB notification, which you can delete or ignore.  But I would have reacted the same way.   

It seems like this would be a once in a lifetime opportunity to be involved in further study and research. Sounds like that if this person were not disabled, they would probably be able to make it. I wouldn't find it off-putting, though I would probably not attend either. I have to pick and choose what and to whom I give.

[hobish]

Is it really for theater research, or were you obscuring?

[O'Dell]

It is a massive opporunity and will take her to new heights in her career.

It's illogical of me, but for some reason this bothers me. If it's such a great opportunity, why isn't she the one investing the money in it? Why expect others to do it? Maybe part of what bothers me is there isn't much talking up of the benefit itself and what those attending will get out of it. It just feels one-sided and more like asking for donations somehow. I suspect I'd feel differently if the majority of the message had been about the benefit and how there would be great food/booze/entertainment there with just a short blurb about the person and why the benefit is held. She seems to be playing the sympathy card with all the info about why she needs the money.

[Surianne]

I don't have a problem with this at all.  I get invited to fundraisers/benefits all the time on Facebook and it's never occurred to me that it would be rude.  I attend the ones I want to support or where I'd find the event interesting, and I ignore/decline the ones I'd prefer not to attend. 

[Nellop]

Is it really for theater research, or were you obscuring?

It is actually for theatre research.

I think it bothered me because if it was me, or the majority of people I know - we would fund our own travel etc
I know that it would cost more because of her care, but I don't think that it's something that others should fund.

There are many courses and opportunities that would really help my career, but that I can't go on because I don't have the money. I wouldn't expect others to fund it for me.

From what I gather, the benefit is a band playing - with some juice and nibbles provided by a society she belongs to - followed by a presentation on what she would be doing in Chile.

[MasterofSquirrels]

I don't like fundraisers in general.

The fact that it is done via facebook doesn't make it more or less of anything. Facebook is a great way to tell lots of people something all at the same time, it's a good tool for things like this.

I still don't like fundraisers though. At least she is being upfront about the "why" of her need, that is very important. I agree with you though. There are many things that I didn't do but wanted too because the money wasn't there.

[Nellop]

I just went and had a quick look at the page, to see how it went, and found this message:

'Ok guys, I have just taken £717 to the bank that was raised from the benefit. In total, including donations we've raised £1293 in just a month, which is fine, but it's not enough.
We still need around £1500 more, so keep a look out for more fundraising events happening to get me to Chile!
If anyone would like to do anything themselves to help raise the rest, I would really appreciate it.'

After reading some replied to my original post, I admit I felt bad, and figured that I had jumped on this girl too early, and condemned her to E-Hell unfairly.

However, after this update I am back to my previous opinion - especially as she is now outright just asking people to organise events for her, to raise her money.

Fundraisers are, in my opinion, to help people who can't help themselves - who are in real dire need of help. Not for people who want to take part in something far away, but can't afford to pay for it themselves.

[squeakers]

I am not sure I see the difference in a fundraiser for a good cause and a performance by an artist: you pay, they earn it. Is the difference in how they are perceived due to knowing the person and knowing what the money will be used for?

[hobish]

I am not sure I see the difference in a fundraiser for a good cause and a performance by an artist: you pay, they earn it. Is the difference in how they are perceived due to knowing the person and knowing what the money will be used for?

For me there is a difference, and I kind of like fundraisers, even. I went to one recently where I dropped about $300. There is no way in heck I would have spent all that to go and have nibbles and wine and participate if it wasn’t for a cause I support. I am quite sure the vendors who donated food and wine and artwork feel the same way. If they had been approached just because a bunch of people wanted to get together in the community center I doubt they would have just given away food like they did for a fundraiser that net them advertising in support of (cause).
At first i was thinking theater research?  like that is not any sort of dire cause; but thinking about it i am sure people feel the same way about mine (pitbull and other animal rescues). Thanks all the same for clarifying.